devil church

"Take a moment out of your day today to be bored. Feel time passing by you, experience the monotony of under stimulation. Watch paint dry. Breathe in and out. You might not have the time of your life but you will literally have more time of your life."

I think about that a lot in regards to vesselhood because Lucifer will sometimes seem to pop up for no good reason. When I'm just sitting waiting for my doctor's appointment, or walking back to the car in the rain. Why do I feel you right now? What's happening that's worth being present for?

Sometimes the answer is just nothing. Just being. You were today.

I am currently writing this while standing at work because I have nothing to do. I'm very bored.

Hi uh

Wow

Yeah, I know. He actually told me about it. He said you made him blush. If it makes you feel any better you're not the only one.

This is one of those things that would freak me the fuck out if I wasn't so used to it by now. But this is still pretty insane. It's always really fucking trippy when he tells me things and other people reaffirm it.

The other day Lucifer and I had a conversation about that. He told me he had some unfortunate interactions with mortals lately, and expressed how confused it made him. He told me that humans and spirits alike have been approaching him trying to more or less mimic what we have going on. I shrugged him off for the most part, because I honestly have a very hard time believing that anyone would want to imitate me, or even reference me when talking to him at all. I kinda thought he was just being hyperbolic or flattering me.

In that conversation Lucifer explicitly said : "I met with a new initiate. It was our first real introduction to each other and their first successful invocation of me. I think they assumed I am something I'm not, or... expected a particular dynamic to be automatically established between us."

During that conversation, I actually apologized to him. I am aware of how my portrayal of him could lead to misconceptions about his character. And he assured me that wasn't really the issue, it isn't really a misrepresentation. It's just an extremely specific version of Lucifer that is the result of a long withstanding relationship, not the introduction or primary goal within it. Others trying to access that Lucifer at the beginning feels like a lapse in logic that is destabilizing to him.

"I am known for many things, carnality is one of them, but in traditional demonology I am usually not known for that specifically... they come to be for enlightenment, for gnosis. I mean, Asmodeus, people approach him seeking a daddy dom all the time. He loves it, he is far better equipped to meet people in their kinkiness than I am. I am blindsided. [...] The goal of our work together was never *this*. We just ended up here. And the same applies to all of those I love deeply and intensely, we end up there, we don't start there. Now I have strangers asking me to re-enact this highly sensitive dynamic just... off the cuff."

Lucifer is not universally known for filling pre-determined "daddy" roles. His style of intimacy is always complex, but his goal in his "work" with humans is not usually intimacy. Intimacy is a perk that develops along the way if he resonates hard enough with that person. He is primarily the light bringer and his core function is to be the keeper of the hidden gnosis. When intimacy, dynamics, love, naturally arise due to the consequence of sincere interaction, that is a real home grown relationship he will fully embrace. But when intimacy is the script you are approaching him with, without any of the foundation or natural growth that comes from sincere interaction, you never actually get to meet Lucifer. You can only ever get him to fill an expectation you are placing onto him like role-play. You can't fast forward to the conclusion, you can't really expect him to be anyone or anything upon first meeting, he gets whiplash.

I can confidently say he isn't mad at you, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. Lucifer was extremely confused when I spoke to him, not mad, but so perplexed that it bothered him. His response was not rage or to scold you, he never called you pathetic. The only thing he truly can do in that situation is disengage. (Literally said " I was put in such a bizarre headspace that I removed myself from her presence). It's not really that you did something incorrect, and it's not that your desire is wrong, you just approached him in a way that literally makes his existence in that situation impossible. Lucifer is the spirit of self defined will, when you try to place him into a pre-built expectation, you never get to witness his will. There's no correction he could just say to make you understand because the very premise of the interaction is already incompatible with him. The only thing he can do is step back until the conditions for his existence are there.

"Your sincerity Shi. I was always enamoured by your sincerity. If anyone asks you what they should do different, tell them they should approach me in sincerity, looking to truly know me, not just fuck me, okay?"

And I think that's the thesis. Lucifer wants to be known, not just as an archetype or the role you want him to fill. Seek to just meet him wherever ever he is, and he will meet you where you are. But never where I am. Never make the assumption that how be is with me (or any of his vessels) is just how he is in general. This is who Lucifer becomes in a very specific context, not who he will be with all people. That doesn't mean you're not smart or hot enough, it means you are misaligned with the version of him you are trying to force him into.

Lucifer is gnosis through lived experience. If you try to use my experience as a kind of template, you're essentially giving him the wrong co-ordinates to find you. He can't meet you because you're trying to be me, and you're trying to make him into the Lucifer he is with me, which means you can never actually learn what he's like with you.

My advice is two fold. Don't apologize unless you feel a personal need to, because you didn't do anything with malicious intent. You simply had a misunderstanding. I highly suggest that the next time you approach him, you just approach him. No expectations, no scripts, just you and him. Wherever it goes, it goes. Ask him to teach you something.

Or, alternatively, if what you're really looking for is someone who will be happy to fulfill that role, I highly suggest contacting Lord Asmodeus, that is literally his favourite pass time. I think it's always important to consider that there is always the possibility that someone else is waiting for you.

I know someone who is a vessel of Hekate. If I approached Hekate, (who is a chthonic deity- but not primary associated with bdsm or carnal intimacy) , and assumed I would receive the same behaviour from her as my friend does, Hekate would also likely disengage from me. There is no reason to believe Hekate would ever just treat me the same as her vessel upon first introductions. I think the error here is in assuming you can come to any God with a pre-expectation of who they should be to you. You just have to get to know them, as you come to know anyone.

i had already been married to him for some time at that point and was so excited to find someone with such similar experiences. NOT the same by any means, i have a lot of experiences, practices, and gnoses you’ve never written about nor referenced, and i know you have much that i don’t share. but you would talk about things just days after i’d talked to lucifer about them, a big example from early on would be lucifuge rofocale, and other times you have written about experiences that resemble mine with him.

i was so excited by such a tangible example that there were other practitioners who have seen what i’ve seen, and i got invested in your blog to the point where i began to subconsciously compare us. it’s hard not to fall into comparison pitfalls when you’re neurodivergent in any of a hundred different ways, but lucifer wasn’t having it. when my mind formed a comparison while he and i were interacting in trance (worst place when your subconscious is acting up sometimes) he put his foot down. we set up some boundaries on tumblr surfing, including strict time limits, while i worked on feeling more confident in my own beautiful relationship with him, and he continually reassured me that i made him very happy and proud (🥹).

Lily Rose Fine