witch.

I have to say its hard having anxiety not only because of being in a constant state of worry with a very busy mind but also with trying to keep my medication in check to make sure I am not a walking zombie or a manic mess. There is a fine line between feeling calm and relaxed and not wanting to do literally anything or feeling happy and energetic but not rolling my eyes back in my head crazy.

I am wondering if it has to do with the fact that I suffer from depression too, so maybe sometimes they cross over a little. Idk but I have tried to go see my therapist a few times and they keep saying I didn’t make an appointment or that my paperwork wasn’t right and that they can’t see me for a month so it doesn’t happen.That of course normally makes things worse because I get all thrown off schedule. I have also tried to see new therapists and I haven’t gotten any response from multiple different places. Like, okay. I have anxiety and depression and this is a pretty big deal for me to even be trying to make a dr. appointment at all let alone for someone to keep messing it up or not even getting back to me. Ugh I hope its just all for a reason, maybe none of them were the right people for me anymore.

On a side note I have also tried to make multiple gynecologist appointments since I was young and for some reason they keep not happening either. So weird.

But yea I will say its nice that every time I have had some anxiety about money, I have actually been given a resource to alleviate it. Like selling clothes for more then I thought they would be worth, getting another dog sitting job or getting an odds and ends job that someone pays me for. So that’s nice.

I did a couple of basic command training this with my pup to see how much he remember and honestly he does well with the standard sit, lay down, stay and come so we shall see how he is with some new stuff.

On to other things!

So I dowloaded the Mystic Monday tarot app and honestly I just really haven’t been vibing with it at all. Like, none of the readings have seemed accurate for any of the days I’ve used it. It kind of makes me want to go back the the first tarot app I was using called Golden Thread Tarot that I had uninstalled because I felt like it was kind of negative. But at least it was on point for what I was going through day to day. Maybe I also need to look at it in references to smaller things since a daily read, not for a certain question or life debacle.

------I just re-downloaded it and my daily card read was The Hierophant which can represent the pursuit of knowledge(I have been learning about dog training as well as researching a few other things today) as well as a spirit guide.

and I like that read! Another Major Arcana card of course. I think I’ve pulled almost all of them since I got the app this month. But, of course I can’t remeber because I deleted the app during a hissy fit and I lost all of the readings I had recorded. 

ah well new start. Tomorrows a new day and hopefully my spirit guide will pop up tonight or tomorrow. I could use a little help.