It’s Always Sunny in Ferelden

I don’t know where I’m going 

*points to Martin* 

But I sure know where I’ve been 

*Martin collapses his head into his hand* 

Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday 

*points to her temple* 

And I’ve made up mind 

*Jauffre looks around mouth agape in confusion* 

I ain’t wasting no more time, for here I go again 

*Baurus doesn’t move just holds back a snicker* 

Here I go again 

Here I go again

Here I go again

Here I goooooo!

Alistair: Relax, I forgot to put on deodorant okay?

Morrigan: Never once—

Alistair: Are you gonna gimme shit all day?

Morrigan Never once have I seen you put on deodorant. Not once.

Zevran: Oh, hey dude. I just came up with a really great plan. I’m gonna play both sides.

Warden: Why would you tell me that?

Zevran: Should I not have?

Warden: Probably shouldn’t, because if you’re trying to keep a secret from me, well, now I know.

Zevran: Should I tell The Crows?

Warden: No. I don’t think you should tell either side ‘cause if you’re trying to play both sides and they both know—you’re not playing anybody.

Zevran: What should I do now?

Fenris: Without the guys?

Isabela: They’re as good as dead! There’s no telling what those Qunari people will do with them. We should just get out of here and I mean out of Kirkwall and just sail and sail and sail and not look back.

Fenris: We should go to the Anderfels and open up that imported leather shop like we always talked about.

Isabela: Oh the leathers! The tasseled leathers, the turquoise studs on the leathers, all the leathers!

Hawke: Hey! Guys, guys, guys. I heard all that!

Isabela: Uhhh—sorry, we were having a conversation about leather—doesn’t really—um, what’s the status on the artifact?

Hawke: Don’t take off on us. I repeat. Do not take off on us. A leather shop in the Anderfels? Are you serious? There are far too many leather shops in the Anderfels as it is! You’d be out of business in a weeks time!

Morrigan: Bring it!

Josephine: Erm…Iron Bull! Bull, take your shirt off.

Blackwall: Well, you don’t need to take your shirt off.

Bull: **takes off shirt**

Blackwall: Okay, well, if you’re looking for that.

Josephine: Now, that is a stallion!

Blackwall: Didn’t know you were looking for a stallion. I’m a stallion.

Uldred: We don’t want to exclude a great demon like Desire to the conversation.

Uldred: **performs blood magic**

Cullen: **screams**

Cullen: Sweet Maker! Call in the Rite of Annulment!

Uldred: No! No, it’s okay. I’ve got a touch of consumption.

Desire Demon: He’s alright. Why don’t we drop him off. You and I can go out to dinner, okay?

Uldred: **more blood magic**

Cullen: **scream intensifies**

Uldred: I think I’ve been poisoned by my constituents!

Desire Demon: Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?

Uldred: Yeah, they’ve got an egg.

Zevran: Ahhhhhugh! What was that? Is that cheese? Have you been eating cheese?

Leliana: How much cheese have you eaten today?

Alistair: How much cheese is too much cheese?

Varric: I shall use this crossbow to pierce my broken heart.

Bethany: Alllriiiight dude.

Varric: **walks away crying**

Hawke: Okay, ‘Fenris is asshole. Why Anders hate?’

Anders: I don’t think I wrote that.

Hawke: You definitely wrote this one, Anders. Who else would’ve written this?

Anders: I am not remembering that. I don’t think I wrote that one.

Hawke: Of course you did! Just throw out a guess.

Anders: Pass.

Fenris: Pass?

Hawke: No, he didn’t pass. Come one. Throw out a guess.

Fenris: **holds breath**

Anders: Pass.

Hawke: Son of a Bitch. Alright, chance to steal.

Fenris: **lets out breath**

Fenris: Be—because Fenris is a bastard man!

Anders: **laughs**

Zevran: Are you kidding me? You don’t find me sexually attractive?

Wynne: **shakes head**

Zevran: What is going on? What is wrong with you people? I am sexually attra—

Zevran: **voice cracks**

Zevran: I am sexually attractive. I am an attractive—man.

Morrigan: No.

Warden: **squints with suspicion**

Morrigan: No, no, we—we have a whole different situation worked out.

Warden: What’s the situation?

Morrigan: I sleep on the—

Zevran: Why aren’t you understanding this? She doesn’t know if she wants to have sex with me. That’s not the issue.

Warden: Are you gonna hurt women?

Zevran: I’m not going to hurt these women! Why would I hurt these women?

Warden: I don’t—I don’t know.

Zevran: I feel like you’re not getting this at all!

Blackwall: Yeah mmm.

Cullen: Oh yeah, they got a song.

Inquisitor: There is a spider, spider.

Josephine: **exasperated exhale**

Inquisitor: Deep in my soul. He’s lived her for years. He just can’t let go. He’s hanging around. He’s got a mean bite. Now he’s ready to fight! And stand up for what he knows. I don’t need your trophies or your gold. I just want to tell you all go fuck yourselves!

Inquisitor: **spits at exhaled council**

Josephine: Did the Inquisitor just spit?

Cullen: Did they spit?

Iron Bull: Yeah, do what you gotta do.