Dumb Writer

Her eyebrow raised a bit.

"But-" I searched for the words in my head but there was only blank. "Why?"

Amy facepalmed hard and sighned. "You are hopless. Really hopless."

"Kinda harsh." I whispered.

Amy smirked as she looked behind me. And as if to throw me in a cave of waiting lions, she said: "James, Sirius! So good to see you."

I felt myself tensing at the exclamation of their names and at the fact they were standing not so far behind me.

Amy's smirk widened. "You know my friend and I were just talking about your friend Remus. How is he? We were kinda worried. Is he still in the hospital wing?"

Oh sweet death. Sometimes I wonder, when will you release me fron this torture? This torture which is also called embarrassment or humiliation.

I heard James' laughter.

"Oh, are you now? I will tell him that." I turned around to see him smirking at me. "He is out of the hospital wing, no worries. He got something else that's keeping him in his bed."

Sirius cleared his throat. "And before you think anything not so good of him, he got something we call cowardritis. He's a scaredy-cat."

Amy leaned forward. "And why does he has this sickness?" I could hear her smirk.

"Well…" James raised his hand towards his hair and tried to tame it, which would never succeed. "He may has said something he's embarrassed about."

"To someone, he doesn't know what to expect from." Sirius coughed and quickly looked away from me. But his smirk said more than any word could.

What should I do? I didn't even know him. Like, at all? And I didn't know if he was even serious about anything he said.

"Well.." I started. And I almost just stopped at that. Like always I almost just ignored everything around me. But this time-

"Tell him to get well soon from me."

. . .

James and Sirius stared at me as if I said I wanted to marry a Werwolf. Both of them slowly looked at each other. And then there it was. The smirks of them slowly grew.

"But oh! look at the time!" I grabbed my things and stood up. "We have DADA next, Amy! Can't be late!" I hurried down the hall as I heard Amy say:

"Don't mind her guys. She's just shy."

~~

"Soooooooo…" Amy slowly catched up to me. "You and Remus, huh?"

"Amy." I tried to stop her, but who in this world could ever stop Amy?

"Well, you wouldn't look bad together, I must say that." I could hear her devious smirk. "And he is even tall! And has those brown curls…"

"AMY!" I hid my face between my hands. "Please."

"What? I'm just saying, I can understand you. He IS handsome. And even though the bookish silent guy is not my type, I can understand it."

She sounded so proud of herself. Somehow it made me laugh.

"And those scars? They do make him mysterious and cool."

I couldn't stop my laughter escape my hands. "Amy, Stop."

"Who are you talking about?"

…

Never in my life. Did I turn so fast. Did my laughter die so fast. Never.

Marlene grinned at us. "Perhaps Remus Lupin?"

Amy looked at me and laughed. I bet I had the most horrified expression of the century. This scene could be out of my worst nightmares.

"What did you hear?" My voice was shaking as I looked at her.

Her grin widened even more. "Well that answers my question."

And with that she just turned and walked away.

~~

"Please get a hold of yourself! This is really pathetic." Amy shook her head as I hid myself under my blanket in our dorm.

"She heard us."

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "Yeah she did."

"And she thinks I would date Remus."

"I mean is she wrong?"

I threw my blanket to the other side of ny bed and looked up at Amy.

"What?"

"What?" She looked at me clueless and I sighed. I grabbed my blanket again and hid my face again.

Amy almost groaned, like one of those alpha males in these fanfictions- and that was ridiculous, I mean we aren't in a fanfiction.

"Would dating him be so bad?"

I looked up at her again. "What? No, of course not. That's not my point."

She tilted her head. "Then what is it?"

I don't want anyone making fun of me. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want that.

But I do want to know him.

"I don't know."

Amy raised an eyebrow. "Come on, let's go to the common room."

"Why?" My blanket felt so warm.

"Maybe they are there."

And as if that was convincing me to go there. As if the option of seeing his beautiful deep eyes again would make me leave my bed and go the stairs down to the common roo-

~~

"Oh look who the cat dragged in!" Sirius' voice startled me a bit as we came into the room. But he smiled nicely at us and waved us towards their group. James, Lily, Marlene, Sirius and, well he was there.

I tried not to look at him too much, but his eyes were like magnets for my eyes. But somehow I managed to look away.

"Wanna join us? We planned a little get together. And we even managed to get food from the kitchen."

I'm really pathetic.

And my mind was constantly screaming at me. This would never end well, at some point I would be only a joke for them. My mind was going crazy.

But something somehow changed. I don't know what it was. But my mind wasn't the loudest in my body.

No my heartbeat was going crazy.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!" Amy smiled and looked at me like a mother trying to get her kid to say something. And this kid was struggling. I didn't want to sound mean, but also not to desperate. How do you even talk normal with new people???

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, that wouldn't be so bad I guess."

OH MY GOD I WAS SOUNDING LIKE ONE OF THESE TRY HARDS

But somehow no one looked at me weird. Lily even smiled at me and nodded next to her towards an empty spot on the couch.

And on this side of the couch was next to it the chair Remus was sitting in, but that was obviously beside the point.

Amy sat down next to lily and I sat next to her.

"Sooooo…" James looked at me and Amy. "Why were you two coming down at this late hour?"

"Oh we just wanted a little bit of fresh air, you know?" Amy smiled as she said this lie. And we all ignored that in the common room wasn't even fresh air.

"Well we were just talking about our favorite foods!" Marlene started and looked at me mischievously.

"But didn't we just talk about Re-" James started but Marlene cut him off while looking at him with a look that could kill.

"What's your favorite food?" she looked at me expecting.

"My favorite food?" I blinked two times, somehow suprised that I was already asked something.

"Yeah, or maybe like favorite sweet or something you just really like to have as a snack."

"Well…" That wasn't a so easy question to be honest. But the first thing that came to mind,when I was sitting here… I even smelled it… "Chocolate. I really like Chocolate. Like chocolate cookies or cake."

I laughed. "I love chocolate since I first ate one of these chocolate frogs. Blew my mind."

Now everyone was looking at me like I said something really really mind blowing. Like chocolate was a extraordinary answer, what it really wasn't.

And even those brown eyes, which color reminded me of light chocolate, widened a bit as I looked at him after I said that.

I cleared my throat again. "Well, I dont eat only chocolate obviously. It's one of my favorite sweets, like who doesn't like chocolate?"

I looked around searching for a reason they were being so weird, but I only saw knowing smirks.

"Me." Amy said and smiled at me knowingly. I rolled my eyes.

"How could I forget, your highness?" I remarked at her and she laughed quietly.

"Well…" Marlene looked at me again and I just knew she was not finished with her Cross-examination. "Do you like Valentine's Day? I mean it is next week."

…

Oh. The conversation was going in this direction.

"It's.. I don't know, I mean… It's not bad, I guess?" I couldn't keep the nervous laughter inside of me.

"What do you mean with not bad?" Marlene really seemed like one of these Aurors trying to get information out of me.

"I mean I don't really know how it really feels like… Well no, that sounds dumb, that's not how I meant it! I mean I… Just never, like... had a date on Valentine's Day, so it's not really a special day for me."

Oh my god was I a rambling mess. Why was I even talking that much??? AMY SAVE MEE

"You never were taken out, on Valentine's Day?" James asked bluntly and Lily shot him a scolding look.

"Yeah, I guess." I mumbled.

This was going horribly. I was only making a fool out of me. After my embarrassing monolog I couldn't look into Remus direction, because this was almost humiliating.

I tried to subtly sink more into the couch and more into invisibility.

"I mean, of course we both spend time together in hogsmeade on Valentine's Day."

Amy slid into the conversation like the lord's savior himself. "Then we drink while looking at all these happy couples. And sometimes there is even Drama! It's very amusing."

"Would you like to-" Marlene started and I tensed. But then…

"Marlene stop it, you are making her uncomfortable."

Was Remus' voice always this beautiful? It was so soothing and still steady.

What was I even thinking?

Marlene looked at me now a bit embarrassed. "Sorry, I got a bit carried away. You can just say if I'm being to much."

"But then you could never say anything?" Sirius looked at her teasingly.

"Hey!"

I felt myself smiling now and I couldn't believe it. I was beginning to enjoy myself here. I was sitting next to the marauders and I was laughing. What has gotten into me?

"Well if we are talking about Valentine's Day, I find it very unpleasant." Lily stated while yawning.

"The overpriced chocolate with someone -" a glare shot at James. "Making always a big deal over a day on which we still have school."

"The so called 'big deal' is called being romantic." James looked at her with a hand on his chest. "But you wouldn't know anything about it, wouldn't you Evans?"

"Oh please, the stuff you do isn't romantic, just embarrassing." She shot back unimpressed.

James gasped loudly, while Sirius loudly laughed. And I couldn't help myself and chuckle.

And then I felt it.

His look.

I knew he was looking at me I could feel it. But it didn't bother me. No it just made my heartrate go up and I felt lightheaded.

Crazy, right?

It felt so cosy here, next to Remus the fire. The presence made it so warm here.

"Do you want a bit chocolate?"

I looked to my left and almost drowned in those eyes. WHAT WAS HAPPENING, WHY WAS I SO…??

"Me?" I dumbly asked. He looked down and I almost regretted.

"Well you did just say you liked it? And I have more than enough." He held chocolate towards me but still didn't meet my eyes again.

I softly took it while my mind was silent for the first time as I brushed his hands.

"Thank you."

He didn't react at first but then just nodded.

For someone who said he wanted to know me last night, he was really not so social now. But somehow that didn't bother me. It was a start.

"What's your favorite food?"

I was not a fast person. In fact I would always take things very slow. I mean in what reality are you dating someone after two conversations?

For me? Unthinkable.

He doesn't have to tell me if he likes Valentine's Day or not. He doesn't need to tell me what he likes in girls. Not in our second conversation.

But with food you can really start to know a person, you know?

That's what I searched. A start.

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

"You're looking at him again."

I quickly lowered my gaze to my food. I poked at my food until I realized that I wasn't hungry at all. Phina sighed.

"This is getting pathetic. He wasn't even a good boyfriend, was he?" her voice sounded so distant.

"Why didn't you invite me go your game?" I asked him.

He looked away. "You wouldn't have liked it anyway."

I looked up again. There he was sitting. He was laughing with his friends, who were probably telling the best jokes in the universe. Unlike mine.

"Didn't he often just leave you alone? Didn't take care of you at parties?" Cassie quietly joined phina.

"Do you want to leave?" My voice was shaking as I stared up at him.

He sighned. "Told you you wouldn't like it. At least let me enjoy it."

My heart stopped for a moment when I thought of him. All the things he had done. But weren't we such a good match?

If only he had cared about me.

"He forgot my birthday." My voice didn't sound like me at all.

"Why are you that mad at me? What did I even do?" His voice was so so loud.

"Forget it." I hissed at him.

"So you know it's pathetic. Eat instead of looking at Sirius' lips."

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

"Are you that indifferent to me, Sirius? At least look at me!" Why was I even talking to him? What was my goal?

Here I was, sitting in a party, throwing my self-esteem out the window again. A beggar woman. That was me.

"Please leave me alone." Sirius turned away from me, his drink almost spilling over.

"Why are you acting like this? I know I may have hurt you, but that doesn't mean I can't make it up to you!" my voice sounded pathetic.

Why was I like this? I was usually better than this, why was I begging like this?

"We're over. Let it go." His voice was getting harder and harder. "Go back to Whisky and tell her how much I sucked."

He looked at me with hardened eyes.

"But it's your fault we're apart."

My body shuddered. Something was breaking me from the inside and I wanted to cry.

"Are you serious?"

He snorted and looked away again. "You cheated on me." he reminded me, as he had so many times in the last few days.

"After you treated me like a decoration for weeks." I whispered and looked at the floor.

"What did you say?" his eyebrows drew together and I couldn't bear to look at him.

"Forget it." I hissed and disappeared to my friends.

After being bumped into by several people, I made it to Cassie and Phina who gave me disappointed looks.

"What?" I was irritated.

"You've got something there." Phina said, pointing to her cheek.

As I wiped my cheek, it was wet.

And I don't wanna live that way

"I'll let it go."

Cassie gave me a worried look. "That's what you said last time."

I shook my head. "I'll stick to it this time."

Phina yawned. "Heard it all before." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Get a grip."

I wanted to punch her, but I refrained from doing so. Just lean back and enjoy the music. But I found it so hard to lose myself in the crowd.

"I'm going to whisky." I stood up. "She'll get lost otherwise."

"Yeah, yeah." Phina waved her hand at me. "Just don't get lost yourself."

I swayed around in the crowd while my eyes searched for the Hufflepuff girl. Did she miss me?

Probably not.

I walked slowly near the bar where I had left her last time. She never wanted to dance and at some point I had stopped trying to get her to.

But then I saw him. He was standing far too close to her. So close that she leaned back a little, as if she didn't like it.

Was this his way of getting revenge? Maybe.

In any case, I wouldn't put up with it.

"Sirius!!!" I shouted sounding like I saw him for the first time this evening. Good.

I ran towards them, trying to hug him, but he dodged me. But if he wanted to play this game, I could too.

"Could you please let go of me?" Sirius' eyes were narrowed as he looked at me and I did the face he always liked.

"You're so cold, Siri!" I said the horrible nickname before letting him go.

Sirius rolled his eyes in like he hated me. "I wonder where that comes from."

I tried to shake his look of. "Come on, Sirius, you can stop pretending to hate me. You know it was nothing serious with him!"

He snorted and wrinkled his nose. "I know it wasn't serious. You were making out with three other guys that week, and those are just the ones I know of."

What? How could he say this in front of her!

I glanced briefly at whisky, only to get a horrified look, then focused back on Sirius. "You broke my heart! You can't blame me for wanting to have some fun!" The words sounded pathetic.

"I don't know how much 'fun' you've had during our relationship, and honestly, I don't want to know." Sirius hisssd, turning away from me. To her.

"Where were we? Oh yes, preparing for the party! Yes, we had a lot of fun, and I'm glad you're enjoying it. Have you danced yet?"

I snorted. "Oh, please, Whisky and dancing?" I felt the alcohol in my system. "Come on, stop pretending you're actually interested in her; it won't make me jealous!"

He didn't even turn around; he didn't find it necessary to look into my eyes. "Did I talk to you? No, I didn't. And unlike you, I don't talk to people just to use them, so shut up!"

I felt like vomiting as he spouted this lies. Lies, lies, lies. And to make it even worse he asked her again. "Have you danced yet?" She shook her head slowly and I couldn't stand looking at the scene before me. How she let him toy with her and me.

I could hear his devilish smile as he spoke, even though I was right behind him. "Would you like to dance with me?"

As he extended his hand towards her I sharply inhaled. "Sirius, you're acting ridiculous, don't you realize? I mean, why are you asking her when I'm right here-"

"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I REALLY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU??" his yelling breaking my mind, my thoughts and my voice.

And as I looked at my friend I couldn't keep the words inside of me.

"I hate you!" I screamed. Turning away and running from this sad, pathetic scene. From her lovingly gaze at him.

Reading into every word you say

I tried to pull myself together in the restroom like phina had told me. Crying about him? That really wasn't necessary! Wasn't it?

My hands were shaking as I tried to reapply my mascara.

And then she came in.

I cleared my throat and looked away from her in the mirror. "There you are. I thought I had lost my best friend to that wannabe Casanova."

I saw her looking at my face and starting to look unsure, almost a little angry. "I thought you were -" She started, but I tried laughing her voice away.

"Those crocodile tears I pulled out? They were just for show." I went for my make-up again to cover up my lies. I sighed playfully as I had done so many times before.

"But now I have to redo my eyeliner! Well, hopefully, he feels guilty now and comes begging for my forgiveness!" He won't.

"I thought you weren't feeling well. I thought you needed my help!" Her voice trembled almost as much as mine. But she really had no reason to. No, she had to like what was happening, didn't she?

"Come on, Whisky, it's not a big deal. I'm just trying to get back together with my ex-boyfriend; after all, he broke my heart!"

The words were so easy to say. Like I was following a script.

"And he's just as terrible. I mean, asking you to dance in front of me? He's trying to use you against me, that bastard! You should be much more upset about it!"

"I don't think-" She looked at the floor.

And I laughed.

Not because what she said wasn't true. No, rather because it was true.

"Please, Whisky, as if he ever really wants to have anything to do with you! He was a jerk to you from the moment we first met; you just don't interest him!"

I could see her slowly falling apart. I suppressed my pity and my gloating.

"Whisky, please don't cry again. I don't mean it in a mean way; I'm just being realistic." I wasn't being realistic at all. I was probably the bad girlfriend in the script.

When I heard her tears, I hugged her. "I just want to protect you. He will only take advantage of you. I don't want to see you hurt, especially not because of him. Isn't one broken heart because of Sirius enough?"

Something inside me turned as she nodded and cried in my arms. I hated comforting her now. To help her when she had nothing to cry about.

"Come on, that's enough crying now; you'll ruin my dress." I finally tried to push her weak little arms away.

After an infinitely long time, she let go of me and washed her face.

I took her arm as if to prove something. I didn't know what. "Come on, we can leave. By now, he should feel guilty enough."

And I went ahead. As I always did.

I just wanted to put the thoughts in my head to sleep. Switch off and live. But that was so hard.

"I really need a drink," I whispered to the girl who was clinging to me. She nodded like a doll.

James was sitting at the bar with Peter, discussing something. James smiled like he did before every 'prank'.

"Bartender!" I shouted, ready to play along.

"What can I get for our snake?" James asked with a sugary voice and a fake smile.

I didn't let his remark show. "Your humor is still in the basement, Potter."

"I think it's yours that's in the basement, considering you took that as a joke. I was quite serious." he retorted.

I placed my order and made my way to my friends. They were both sitting in the same place.

"It took you a long time." Cassie gave me that worried look again.

Phina gave me a little look and shook her head again. "You're lost again."

I was silent this time.

"She has your order." Cassie said and laughed when she saw Whisky standing there. I laughed along contrivedly and made my way back to her.

She smiled as she held out my lemonade. "Here."

The drink was a little darker than normal. And in this poor lighting in a party, that shouldn't have meant anything, but I knew James. And Sirius, too.

Their drink was a normal color. And it upset me. That disgustingly normal color.

And then I did it.

You said that you could let it go

"Omg, I just don't understand you! Your best friend is in there and you're out here laughing like nothing happened!" Suddenly he acted like he cared what I did. I would have loved to hit him.

"And here I thought you were following me to apologize." A lie. I never believed that.

Sirius took a sharp breath. "Are you even listening to me? Your friend was just humiliated in front of everyone, why don't you go in and see her?"

I took a deep breath and tried to sound strong.

"Just because something stupid happened to her, and she's hiding in the restroom, doesn't mean I should let it ruin my fun too. Fuck, if we hadn't swapped drinks on a whim, I'd have the green hair, right? I can be thankful for that; that would've been the worst!"

"What do you even like about me?" I asked him as a joke, but there was so much more to the question.

He laughed. "I loooove your hair."

His voice got louder. So unbearably loud. "Is it always just about you? Wait, I know it is, I've been with you long enough. You're one of the most selfish and narcissistic people I know! There's your reason why I don't want anything to do with you!"

I laughed like a psychopath.

"Now I'm the bad one? Oh please, Sirius, don't make a fool of yourself! I think we both know why her hair is now this disgusting green. You and your friends wanted to dye my hair because you know how much I care about it!"

I knew that would hurt him. Because it was about her. "Your actions have consequences, Sirius. You know you're to blame for her crying her eyes out in there."

But he didn't say anything in response. No, he just looked down and confirmed what I had known for so long.

My thoughts and feelings were all over the place and I wanted to puke.

The sharp bang afterwards woke me up. I slapped him. "Are you going to check on her now?" he said, so unbearably calm and composed.

"You know what, Sirius? Fuck you, seriously!" I spat out the words.

"Instead of apologizing to me for this prank, I'm now supposed to clean up your mess!"

"She has the green hair, not you. She's your friend; I don't think she wants to see me. Besides, it's the girls' restroom." Sirius said, almost accusingly.

"That's your problem. I don't have to cling to my friends all the time like a parasite; I'm allowed to have some fun too!"

I ran away from him. Away from her. From these so unfair people.

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

"Stop staring at them." Phina's voice was so annoyed.

I poked at my food until I realized that I wasn't hungry at all. Phina sighed but didn't say anything.

My fork pierced a piece of chicken that I used to love to eat and now loathed. How did it come to this?

How did I let it come to this?

I looked up again. Looked at my former best friend, who was now sitting by his side.

And when I saw the sparkle in his eyes, I remembered.

"I don't love you." he had told me.

He never said anymore.

So it was no surprise that he didn't mourn me.

My final arrow remains untouched in my grasp, a stark contrast to the crimson stains that mar the others. The weight of it feels heavy, a burden I am not sure I can bear any longer.

"So?"

The mocking tone of the divine voice pierces through me, emanating from the woman before me. Her beauty is a facade, masking the darkness that resides within her very being.

I yearn to use the arrow, to pierce through the emptiness where her heart should reside. Or just use him on myself. To let my own heart bleed out until there is nothing left.

"It's all over now," she declares with a smile that sends shivers down my spine. I never shared the hatred of you. But I understood it. And now I think I could even share it.

"What will you do next?" My voice is hoarse, a mere whisper of its former self, tainted by her presence.

"Do not fret," she chuckles, her eyes filled with a haughty arrogance only a deity could possess.

"I will leave you alone with your suffering. Don't blame me. Curse your father cause he ever had you. Blame him for all your sorrow, that he never tried to take from you. I act only to protect my own honor."

I clench the arrow tightly, prepared to end it all. To descend into the darkness with you.  Yet, I cannot. I still have siblings to care for, a family that still needs me.

If I give up now, all of this will be lost. I cannot let her win, cannot let her render your sacrifice meaningless.

"Who is he to you now, after all the pain he has caused?" Her smirk is a cruel reminder of the countless others she has broken.

And she waits. Waits for me to say the words she had heard thousands of times before.

Now and then I think of when we were together

I remember how I got to know you. I was sitting with Chiron when the message arrived. A very special girl is out there fighting. A girl from the big three. A girl who wasn't allowed to exist.

~

"Chiron, chiron!!!" screamed a satyr rushing into the main house and gasping. His hair disheveled and out of breath, he stood there. "The border, the girl is fighting - Zeus!"

Chiron stood up and put our cards away. Unlucky. For the first time I was winning. "Calm down. What's going on?"

"Monsters are at the border! A whole wave of them! A girl is fighting down there. Probably one of the older three." Chiron turned pale.

"Go back to your cabin right now. Now!" he ordered me and galloped off. I should have obeyed, but I was curious and wanted to help. So I ran after him.

~

Don't take it personally, but when we first met, I only had eyes for the girl down the hill.

The monster wave that she was somehow holding up alone.

Her wild eyes and the way she looked back. Chiron wanted to help her but it was already too late. The monster took a swing and the life in her eyes wanted to escape.

The whole sky lit up and lightning flashed downwards. My first thought was that Zeus would save her.

Her father will safe her surely?

How naive. The great godfather is probably thinking how noble he was.

I, on the other hand, remember exactly how her eyes and legs froze. How her arms twitched and went up. How slowly her shoes became roots. How her legs turned into wood. How this transformation slowly moved upwards. How she screamed. But she didn't look back at us. No, she looked up and screamed.

That screams were terrifying. Death screams.

That's when it became clear to me. How our parents played with us.

That they called something like that mercy.

It must have been much worse for you. The way Annabeth cried and thrashed around while you had to watch her suffer. I often wondered if Thalia was still conscious. Whether she was still suffering.

Well, until she woke up again. Because of you.

~

I stared at this girl while her screams tore the air.

"Chiron, what's happening? Why isn't he helping her?" I burst into tears and held on to the centaur's front legs. "Why is he hurting her?"

"THALIA!!!" screamed the boy holding the little blonde girl. She was also screaming and trying to free herself from his grip. He covered her ears, but she only cried worse.

"You're supposed to protect us! Help her already!" The boy shouted at Chiron while he shook his head regretfully. Thalia looked up into the sky and cried out one last time. The silence that followed was almost worse.

"It's too late, my boy. This is the best way her father could have helped her." Slowly, Chiron walked towards the two of them.

"Are you kidding me?" the boy's eyes flashed as the girl in his arms tried to wriggle out of his grip, weaker and weaker. "That should have helped her? He could have just smashed the monsters with lightning if he's so all-powerful!"

Chiron's eyes were so full of compassion that it sent a cold shiver down my spine. I wonder how many times he had heard those words.

"I'm sorry." Chiron went to his knees with his front hooves and looked at the two of them with a gentle gaze. "The best thing we can do is-"

"Thalia! Thalia!" the blonde girl screamed and her tears ran. "Thalia!"

"Annabeth..." the boy let go of the little girl, whose name was apparently Annabeth. Without any strength, she sank to the ground in front of the centaur. "Turn her back! Please..." she whimpered.

Chiron's eyes became incredibly soft. "I'm afraid I can't do that," he finally said. "And even if I could, she would only die. Like this  she's still with us. We should honor her, not mourn her."

Annabeth cried harder and ran back to the boy. And even though I didn't know the girl, I was angry at Zeus for turning his daughter into a tree. He could have helped her. Why didn't he do it?

If he had, this girl, who was far too young, would no longer be crying.

~

I still remember exactly how I was supposed to show you both around. How ridiculous that seemed to me after what you had just been through. Your eyes were full of despair as you looked around. When I led you to Cabin 11.

This worn-out cabin where we were all supposed to rot until our parents took pity on us. I had been in there for a whole year before you came. Did you ever know that?

~

Chiron turned to me. He helped me to calm down and looked at me sternly. "Didn't I tell you to go to your cabin? Stubborn girl." he said, smiling gently. "Would you show these two around, please? Cabin 11 as usual."

"Chiron, I can't do that now." I couldn't look him in the eyes. The tears had stopped but my head throbbed.

"You have to be strong for them now," he interrupted me in a whisper. "Right now we have to welcome them with open arms. Show them that they are safe here now."

With that, he galloped off and left us alone. The boy eyed me suspiciously while the girl was still sitting on the ground.

"Hey..." I began as I walked over to them. "I should show you around, is that okay?"

The boy didn't answer and just looked at the little girl. Annabeth turned to me. Without saying anything, she stood up and nodded. Strong girl.

"Then follow me." I looked at the boy expectantly, but he made no move. Finally, the girl spoke up. "Come on Luke," her voice trembled slightly. "Grover said we were safe here and Thalia fought for us to be here. So come on."

At these words, the boy walked over to us. We walked around slowly. Past the main building and then finally to the cabins.

"These are the twelve cabins. Each cabin represents which god is your parent. Since we don't know that for you yet, you'll go to the 11th cabin first. That's Hermes cabin."

"But we know who Luke's is...," Annabeth began, but the boy named Luke interrupted her. "Why do we have to sleep in this cabin? Why is it so crowded?"

This question put me on the spot. I hated to admit what our parents were really like. I'd been here for a year and a half and still... "Well, the gods must claim their children so that we can divide them up into their cabins."

Luke's gaze turned cold. "And all these children weren't claimed? That's why they have to squeeze in here when there are so many free cabins?" I nodded.

"Who's your parent?" Annabeth asked me. I looked away again, embarrassed. "I haven't been claimed yet either."

Luke shook his head slowly. He stared at the symbol of hermes. "Gods only want to feel great about themselves."

I led the two of them into the cabin and showed them where they could sleep. Annabeth took a seat near Luke and remained silent. I just couldn't believe that she had to watch all this. It was too awful.

"What's your name?" Luke's voice surprised me. For the first time, he looked at me. I told him my name. We were silent for a while. But I told them about the days here and about the campfire.

Luke just nodded and layed down on his sleeping bag. Annabeth looked at him almost desperately. But she stayed with him.

"Hey, do you want me to show you the training grounds?" I asked her to take her mind off things.

She looked over at luke in silence. He turned to the other side. "Go on, Annabeth. I'm exhausted, but you don't have to stay with me."

She looked at him for a long time but then stood up. "Okay, show me." she finally said and I had to smile.

"Just follow me." We walked out of the cabin, but at the cabin door I checked on luke again. He was staring at the staff of hermes on the top of the wall.

Finally, I turned around and showed Annabeth the training places. "Here, for example," I began. "Can we find you a special weapon against the monsters."

She shook her head. "Not necessary." She took out a dagger. "I already have this one."

At first glance, the dagger looked normal, but on closer inspection I saw that it was made of heavenly bronze.

"Where did you get it?" I looked at her in surprise. She was very young, why did she already have such a weapon? She looked away, embarrassed. "Luke gave it to me."

I preferred not to think about the fact that Luke had given a little girl a knife to defend herself with. I'd rather just show her the other places.

It was getting late and we went back to the cabin to join the others for dinner. When we arrived, luke was still lying just as rigid as before. Cabin 11 lined up, but Luke stayed put.

"Luke, we're having dinner." I sat down next to him. He was still looking up. Stubbornly. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something." "I'll eat later." "But we always eat together." "Then we'll just make an exception." "It's not that easy. You'll get into trouble." "But I'm not hungry."

I had to sigh. Did I say stubborn? It was much worse. It was like I was talking to a wall.

He was still looking up. His posture was stiff and he didn't look like he had slept.  I looked outside and watched the others who had already gone ahead. Outside, the trees were rustling and the sun was shining. As if the lord of heaven wasn't mourning his daughter. As if she had never existed.

"Luke," I began, my voice surprisingly bitter. "I understand that this is hard for you. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, of course, but we're all half-bloods. All sent here by the gods and abandoned by them. That's why we stick together. We are a family. We help each other. Annabeth seems to like it here. At least come for her today. You don't have to eat much, just a little, please."

Silence. I looked at him and realized that he had sat up, turned and was already looking at me. Suddenly he was very close.

"You like to talk, don't you?" he said and shame flooded through me. I quickly looked away and kicked myself in my head.

What was I thinking preaching to this boy after he had lost his friend? I was Terrible.

"Sorry..." I mumbled and felt myself blushing out of embarrassment, I got up and went to the door to escape this horrible moment.

"Hey, wait!" he shouted as I was about to leave. "Don't run away. I didn't mean it that way. You still have to show me the way to your dining room or whatever."

When I dared to look at him again, he smiled. And it was so beautiful. "Oh."

He laughed at this very imaginative answer and I had to smile. Eventually we went to dinner together.

The others were already eating when we joined them. Of course, our table was the most crowded. Annabeth looked very lost as she sat there uncomfortably. Of course, Luke sat across from her and smiled at her. Her shoulders relaxed immediately. I sat down next to her and she nodded at me.

"Just say what you want to drink, the cup will fill itself. And oh, leave some over so you can throw it in the fire." Luke looked at me questioningly. I shrugged my shoulders. "Offerings for the gods. They like the smell."

Most people would have laughed now. The smell? But Luke didn't laugh. No, his eyes narrowed and his hands clenched around his cup. "Of course." he said, his voice bitter again. "They want offerings."

The awkward silence between us after that was oppressive. Annabeth looked up cautiously at Luke and then quickly back down at her food. At some point, I tried to get us out of the situation. I stood up.

"Let's throw the food into the fire. Then we can finally get to the campfire!" I went ahead and Annabeth followed me. Eventually even Luke.

"What are we even doing at the campfire?" asked annabeth after she had put her leftovers in the campfire.

I winked at her. "Let it surprise you."

We were among the last to join the campfire, as we started eating later. We sat and listened to the Apollo children sing and watched the stars.

But when we arrived, the others took a deep breath. Chiron fell to his knees and began to speak.

"Welcome child of Athena, divine warrior, goddess of wisdom and strategy." Annabeth's eyes shone.

Chiron took a deep breath and turned to luke. "Welcome child of hermes, protector of travelers, merchants, lord of thieves and the great messenger of the gods."

Everyone clapped, including me. I hadn't noticed the signs at first because I was sitting next to them and hadn't looked up. Somehow it made me sad that Annabeth had to move now, but I was pleased that their parents had shown their appreciation.

But Luke didn't seem at all surprised. Not happy either. He scowled into the fire and just nodded. I was a little envious of him too. Not even a day here and they were already claimed. Me, on the other hand...

~

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

We quickly became closer. Something drew me to this boy. It was nothing surprising, he looked beautiful. He wasn't just any boy. He was a golden masterpiece. But it went deeper than just his looks.

We thought very similarly.

I saw in his eyes this urge that we all shared. He wanted to show them. Rub under their noses what they were doing wrong. We shared that anger.

~

I crept quietly into the sword-fighting hall. I couldn't actually handle a sword, but that wasn't what I was here for. I was looking for someone. And sure enough, I found him here. He was training. Like every day.

He was great. Hit every training figure at the right point and swung his sword frighteningly well. I kept quiet and watched him. I didn't want to disturb him yet, he seemed so obsessed.

I watched him for a while until he seemed to be finished. Then he suddenly turned and looked at me. "If you're going to watch me, do it more discreetly."

Once again, I felt terrible and wanted to sink into the floor. "I didn't want to," I began but couldn't find the words. Eventually I just buried my face in my hands.

But he just laughed in response. "It's all right. Don't always worry so much." He came up to me and sat down next to me. We were silent for a while.

"Why?" I interrupted the silence. He looked at me questioningly. "Why are you training so hard?"

He looked at the floor and I suddenly felt bad. "I mean, we all train hard!" I tried to save myself. "But you train so much you seem... Angry." Obsessed.

He laughed again. But this laugh sounded rather bitter.

"My father wants to get me a quest. That's what he said, anyway." he said, continuing to look at the ground. His smile was still bitter.

I looked at him confused. "But that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

That was the end of the conversation. I didn't dare ask him any more about it, he seemed so far away. His eyes were fixed on his training sword as he twirled it in his hands.

When the sun shone on him, I realized for the first time how beautiful he actually was. He seemed to glow. I quietly watched his movements. I could have sat there all day. At some point he looked at me with a smile. And the tension in my shoulders, which I hadn't even noticed before, melted away.

"Do I have something on my face?" he laughed as I quickly turned away to hide my glowing face. "Come on, what's wrong?" he finally asked.

"Nothing." I replied. "Sometimes you just look so... Absent."

He fell silent again, but it wasn't an awkward silence. After a while, he sighed loudly and looked at me. His eyes seemed to express his vulnerability for the first time.

"I... Am just so...Angry sometimes! The gods, they rule our lives and at the same time they do nothing in it. Don't get me wrong, I like it here, the people are all great and I get along well with them. But I'm still so desperate! I can't do anything here. Just sit here all my life and trust that they have something planned for me up there."

I fell silent in response. He picked up a stone and threw it into the forest. "Don't you think we're going to perish because of them?"

"Maybe. Maybe not." I smiled at him. "Only the fates could know."

I picked up a smaller stone and threw it into the forest too. "You know..." I looked up into the sun, which perhaps also warmed me from the inside. "I have to admit that I've always been pretty indifferent to the gods. I was just happy to be able to live here." I threw a larger stone.

"But I've seen so much in a short time. Heard so much suffering. And the gods let it all happen. Often it's even because of them. And this is supposed to be our family?" I shook my head. "They don't care about us."

Wordlessly, he looked at the stones I had thrown. His back was tense and his eyes narrowed. I smiled cautiously at him.

"What I want to say, Luke, is don't worry too much about them. They don't waste a thought on us. Don't give them the satisfaction of wasting too many on them."

His tense back relaxed a little and he closed his eyes. Then he smiled again.

"You really like to talk."

~

Eventually you got the quest. Who was surprised? You seemed born to be a hero. It all happened far too quickly and suddenly you were supposed to go on this quest. Seventeen. What a horrible age that was. I was so deep down in the curse she send down on me. And then you were supposed to leave. I made so many mistakes the night before.

~

"I wish I could go with him." Annabeth sat with me in the forest and we watched the doves above us flying around together. "Annabeth..." I began, but she was already shaking her head. "I know I can't." she just mumbled and looked away.

She was far too young to be thinking about such quests. But when you grow up here and your only chance of being noticed by your parents are dangerous tasks, many have already become careless.

I watched as the white flower danced in the wind in front of me. It was a lily. The wind seemed to play with it and carried it around. And she just let it do that to her.

I picked up a stone and clasped it in my hand. Instead of throwing it, I held on to it, hoping never to let it go.

"Do you think he... You know... Can do it?" I asked her, squeezing tighter. Annabeth smiled at me.

"Of course he will! Luke can do anything, he's a great hero! Don't worry about it."

The flower was pushed slightly to the right by the wind and then looked at the ground.

My hand started to hurt, but I kept squeezing.

"You're right."

Annabeth smiled at me. I returned it a little awkwardly. We heard the dinner bell ring and Annabeth jumped up. She looked at me waiting.

"Go on ahead."

She hesitated at first but then finally ran off. When she was out of sight, I sighed loudly. I leaned against the tree behind me.

She could say that so easily. But I had seen so many campers go on quests. How they came back broken. Or how they were never seen again. Never see Luke again? The thought seemed unbearable.

A white dove landed next to the lily and tilted its head. Her gaze pierced me and my heart began to pound wildly.

I threw the stone at the white flower. The pigeon flew away in fright and I felt much better. The stone had hit the blossom of the flower but it remained slightly bent. Something red rubbed off on it.

Oh.

"There's our little criminal." Luke grinned at me as I came to the campfire. I tried to avoid his gaze, but somehow it still warmed me. "I thought we always ate together at dinner?"

I shrugged and sat down with him and the others from the cabin as usual. But today I put some distance between Luke and me.

"Wasn't hungry." I looked into the fire and tried to look very interested in the flames.

I was a bad liar.

"And since when is that an excuse?" he leaned forward slightly, closing the distance I had so diligently built up. His playful smile haunted my eyes. "You broke the rules!"

I laughed softly. "They're not as strict as I told you back then. I was just worried and wanted you to eat something."

He grabbed his chest dramatically. "You lied to me? How could you?"

He inconspicuously moved a little closer, as if I couldn't feel his every move. As if my heart didn't almost explode with each one. "Wait, you were worried?"

"Of course." I stroked my closed hand and continued to look into the fire. "You seemed so... Distant. You had made a big loss. I didn't want you to let yourself down."

"Oh is that so..." his voice was incredibly close. I nodded and continued to stare intently into the fire.

At some point he took my closed hand and now it was him who stroked it.

I noticed how others were watching us. I noticed how the fire seemed to dance. I noticed that annabeth was not here. I even noticed the little sparrows watching us in the trees above. Everything seemed so real and so far away at the same time. I wanted to die. I wanted to live.

I was embarrassed.

"Luke." I hated that my voice was shaking slightly. "Are you prepared?"

Luke laughed softly. "I've got my sword if that's what you mean. It's not as if my father gave me an original task. I already know what to expect, Heracles already had to do it."

He picked up a stick and threw it into the fire. "Before you know it, I'll be back."

I remained silent. The flames danced around him.

Actually, I wanted to say something else entirely. So much had to be said today, otherwise I might never be able to.

"What did you do with your hand? It's bleeding." He looked away as he said it. But his hand continued to rub over my closed hand. It burned but no longer hurt.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I fell stupidly. It's nothing big."

I was stupid.

He looked at me and I dared to look back. His eyes were so beautiful, but also a little sad.

"I can ask you to look after Annabeth while I'm away, can't I?" his voice sounded like a whisper.

I smiled back timidly. "I thought you'd be back before I even realized you were gone?"

He laughed in response. So freely and without constraint, I couldn't help but giggle a little too.

The trees were rustling and the sun was setting. With every second that it moved a little further towards the horizon, I felt more uncomfortable. His quest was getting closer and closer and maybe our last minute was too.

I was afraid.

"I will watch over her," I whispered at some point. "Even though I don't think she needs my protection."

He smiled uncertainly into the fire. "Maybe."

There was a long silence after that. I want to ask him so many things. Questions that never seemed appropriate to me. I don't know how much time we have left. But in this moment, I realize that it will never be enough. The gods have already taken her from us.

"Luke," my voice sounds unbelievably soft, I could cry. "You mentioned that Hermes told you he would give you a quest. You have already met him, haven't you? Not just in dreams."

His gaze remains on the fire. His eyes became slightly darker and I was about to take back my words and hide.

"Yes, we met once. It wasn't a pleasant day."

I saw him swallow and his hand closed around mine, which was bleeding. But it seemed more like he was bleeding.

"I... I went back to my old home because Annabeth, Thalia, and I needed some things. It was a mistake to go back there."

He never talked about his former home. Never about the time before Thalia, before Annabeth.

I want to ask him, to hold him in my arms, but I don't know where his boundaries lie.

"Was it bad?" His eyes meet mine and already give me the answer. They say 'yes.' 'It was unbearable.'

But he says nothing. Not a word.

The others are all gone now. The fire is getting smaller and the darkness is becoming more present.

"You know," he starts. "I don't know him." He takes a deep breath in and out. "Hermes. He's just a character in legends, supposedly my father. But I don't know him. I saw him once. And then I realized how little he really loves me. He left her alone."

I don't need to ask to know that he's talking about his mother. I know this feeling all too well.

"He was never there." His voice gets louder. "Never did anything. He knew! He knew about her episodes and never did anything! He just let me rot with her. And then he says that I made a mistake..." He trails off.

The silence that follows his wounded voice brings tears to my eyes.

He looks at me in panic. "No! I... It wasn't like that... Please don't cry!"

I can't help but cry even harder. I know what that's like. Alone with a woman who doesn't know what to do with herself. Without any support.

"Please..." his voice whispers as he wipes away my tears. "I'm fine."

You liar.

Told myself that you were right for me

"Are you ready to go back to the cabin?" his voice was so close to my ear as he held me in his arms.

I didn't look at him. I just couldn't look at him when it could be the last time.

"You go on."

I could feel him stiffen. His voice sounded a little strange when he spoke. "Why?"

I broke away from him. "You need to rest because of tomorrow."

I could feel him trying to catch my gaze. "So do you."

"I want to stay out for a while."

"You're breaking the rules."

"As if you care about them."

His voice became a little sharper. "What's wrong with you?"

I stood up. "I hate just thinking about you..."

"Yeah?"

"It's all good. The main thing is that you get some rest." I walked towards the forest. "Just let me clear my head. Please."

He wanted to say something. I sensed it. But he didn't say anything. Just stood up and walked to our cabin.

I trudged through the darkness to where I was talking to Annabeth.

The lillie was still standing. She was bent over and barely standing, but she was standing.

And then there was this eerie presence.

"I find it very rude when people throw stones at me."

But felt so lonely in your company

Despite my great faith in you, I sometimes couldn't follow you. Your thoughts were too much for me.

And you were you. I was me. Everyone in the camp loved you and always wanted to be with you. I was just one of so many.

Although I was with you so often, I understood so little about you.

I was alone in my faith.

After your quest, you changed. I didn't want to admit it but I realized it reluctantly. You also pushed me away from you more and more. And when I was claimed by Apollo at 17, you distanced yourself even more.

I was claimed far too late. I often asked myself why at that particular time. So soon after he had failed in his quest.

But when I think about it, maybe it makes sense. My father was the god of foresight. Maybe he wanted to save me from it when he realized what was going to happen.

Even if it's a nice thought, it's probably not true. Apollo can't see into the future. He can only tell a prophecy that he can't even interpret himself.

If I had received a prophecy, would anything have changed? Would I have behaved differently? Probably not.

Because although I realized that you had closed yourself off from me, I continued to approach you. I always went to you at the campfire. I always took your side at capture the flag.

One evening I didn't sat next to you at the fire. Next to you sat a beautiful girl from the Aphrodite cabin. I heard her talking to you.

"Why are you even talking to her?"

It was at the campfire. I was sitting far away, protected by the shadows of the trees. Nevertheless, I heard it loud and clear.

You didn't answer at first. The girl shifted uncomfortably. "Don't get me wrong," she said, "we all have these people we've known for so long that we're just always with them. But she always seems so out of place somehow."

I slipped further into the shadows of the trees. The moon hung just as it had that special night.

And yet it seemed so different.

"She's just always near you. Even now that she lives in cabin 7." Her voice sounded amused and I felt small.

"Yes, she's very desperate. "

Was it also a mistake to cry for you that night?

But that was love, and it's an ache I still remember

Unfortunately, my love for you didn't diminish. On the contrary, it grew stronger and stronger. Or maybe I only realized how strong it was when I knew that I was being too pushy with it.

I disappeared into the forest that evening and cried for hours. I don't know how you found me. Obviously you didn't know what I had overheard and asked me what was going on. You even made a worried face.

I couldn't answer you. Instead, you took me in your arms again and wiped away the tears on my cheeks. You whispered words of encouragement to me. And I let you be. Because I fell in love with you again. Isn't that pathetic?

I tried to stay away from you. Tried not to be so pushy. But you kept coming back to me. On days when I was only in the cabin, you came to me. Talked to me. Suddenly you were attentive. You thought I was feeling bad and tried to cheer me up.

And then you kissed me.

And when I was near you again, you never mentioned it. Again.

Suddenly you were distant again. I didn't know what to do. I felt so alone. I often wondered what you even saw in me. I was too caught up in my suffering that I couldn't see how you were. I was too confused by your behavior that I couldn't see the reasons behind it.

How were you? I don't know.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

I was trapped in my feelings for you. It was always the same process. You distanced yourself, I distanced myself, you approached me, we spent wonderful moments, I was with you again and you distanced yourself again.

And despite all the nights I cried, I always gave in. I kept letting you in on my feelings. You were simply the only one I could love. Why? I don't know. Maybe Aphrodite herself hated me. Or the fates.

I certainly hated myself.

Like resignation to the end, always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well, you said that we would still be friends

Somewhere I had already given up. I loved you, but I had given up on us. I often saw you with other girls. They were all so much more beautiful than me, how could I think otherwise?

How could I try to understand your actions?

I was alone with my own self-doubt. With my own fears. What were you alone with?

I was too self-centered to see all these signs. Even when Percy came to camp and you were even less with me. My little siblings feel sorry for me. They see me as a girl hopelessly in love. Do you see it? What you've made of me?

Do you remember the evening before Percy came to the camp? The evening you visited me after I had kissed another boy. I was so terrible lonely to the time. And when this boy kissed me in front of the campfire I didn't fight it. He didn't even mean it. But you were still so angry when you came into my cabin. You kissed me like you wanted to make my lips yours again. Like they were ever someone else's.

When you kissed me that evening, I was filled with such a strong longing that I couldn't think. I allowed myself to return your kiss with such passion that I felt dizzy. Your arms pulled me closer to you. Fire seemed to burn all over my body.

As we lay on my bed and continued kissing, I started to cry. You stopped and moved away from me.

"What's wrong? Have I done something wrong?" Your voice sounded panicked. I cried even harder.

Tell me, do you think you've done something wrong?

As always, you wanted to take me in your arms but this time I pushed you away. I didn't want to cry in your arms when it was the same thing that made me cry in the first place. It was all so much. I remember the way you looked at me. For the first time I may have hurt you.

"I love you."

Oh how I wish I had said it. But I kept crying quietly.

"I'm sorry."

Did you want to say it at that moment?

But you didn't. And that's what mattered. You left.

I saw you with Percy when he was new. Admired you as always because you showed him everything like I used to show you. Because you didn't show him your pain because of the gods too much.

When Percy looked to see if he was a child of Apollo, he was with me. You too, because of course you wanted to help him. We talked normally again as we always did after that  night when you had visited me.

Percy asked us if we were a couple. I still remember your face clearly. You looked at me hesitantly. As if I should answer. I smiled back at him.

"We're just friends."

What would have happened if I had said something else? Again, something I don't know. But I know one thing for sure. You had an iron look on your face afterwards.

You always looked at Percy funny afterwards too.

You didn't visit me the next nights.

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

When Percy went on his big quest, you were like a different person. You completely ignored me. Your face looked like there was so much worry behind your eyes. And even though I saw all that, I didn't go to you.

I was so afraid that you would ignore me too if I approached you. Fear. Such a simple excuse and yet the only reason. You really broke me.

At first I thought it was because you had your own quest to think about. Of your own suffering and that percy, grover and especially annabeth could fail in the same way. I thought that was the only reason you were so introverted.

Then why didn't your behavior change even after they succeeded?

It even got worse. You were just training for days with no end. You only practiced sword fighting. As if you desperately wanted to improve. I thought maybe you were very bitter because they had completed the quest and you hadn't completed yours. That's why you wanted to improve so badly.

Or that you wanted to prepare for something.

But you didn't have to cut me off

~ The camp was... Eerily quiet. No one was out. As if no one dared to speak on such a morning. Will, a very young brother of mine, ran towards me.

"Percy's hurt!" he shouted, "We need your help!"

I rushed with him to the main building, where Percy was lying in a bed, with Annabeth and Chiron sitting by his side.

"What happened?" I asked as I looked at his wounds.

"He was stung by a scorpion or something..." said annabeth. Then she looked down. "Anyway, that's what he said... In his sleep."

I had to stop myself from frowning and got to work. Will left the room.

After a short while, he woke up. And then he said it.

"It was Luke."

Everything went quiet.

"What are you talking about?" I asked with a forced smile.

Percy sat up carefully. "It was Luke. He's the lightning thief."

Annabeth stiffened and Chiron sat there without saying anything.

"What are you saying?" I stopped cooling his forehead.

Annabeth sighed and looked away. Chiron seemed to understand what was going on.

"Luke poisoned me. Luke helped kron- the titan king." Percy's voice echoed through the room. Or was it just my head?

"You still seem to be affected by the poison." I tried to sound as normal as possible.

"No, he's right." annabeth shook her head. "That would explain a lot."

"What are you saying, Annabeth? You of all people should-" I began, my voice getting louder and louder.

"Percy would never lie." chiron interrupted me.

I looked at him. And ran out of the building.

And as I saw that he wasn't in the camp, my whole wirld collapsed. It wasn't just that he abandoned us. He didn't even talk to me.

"Why should we?" I go straight on the offensive. Leave fears behind and intimidate them.

Sirius, who was standing behind James, looked to the side to stifle a laugh. That kind of upset me.

"Well, in the last lesson you had... We thought we could help each other."

Oh. My mistake. That they laughed about. Learning. Together. Actually, they just want to smile at my stupidity. SMILE.

"Amy doesn't even have Transfiguration." I hissed, looking the boy in front of me in the eye for the first time. He looked almost uncomfortable.

This boy I rode to Hogwarts with in the same wagon. And who now feels too cool to remember my name. I'm just a joke that you crack a few times and then forget.

"Which is why, unfortunately, I have to say goodbye and go upstairs. Important subjects are waiting for me!" Amy tapped my shoulder and I was about to thank her inwardly until- "That's why I'm leaving this sweetie here with you, okay?"

Peter looked up from his book for the first time. He was sitting on the couch by the fire.

In the common room of Gryffindor, it was not uncommon for people to fight over this space. Peter snatched it early enough so that Remus, who looked very ill that morning, just sat on the chair at the table next to it.

Peter was probably just as disappointed that Amy left as I was, if I interpreted his expression correctly.

"Amy," I whispered to her, "what are you doing?"

She raised her eyebrows, rolled her eyes and sighed briefly. And I understood. She wanted me to give them a chance.

I looked at her with begging eyes and screamed at her in my mind not to leave me here alone.

"So...?" James stood there like a boy waiting for his mother's permission.

And I wasn't going to give it to him.

"Sorry, Jarry, but I was planning on studying for other subjects with Amy today. So if you'll excuse us." What did I just say?

"Oo-," James looked to his friends while Sirius laughed out loud, "-okay?"

I didn't look at Amy and just stomped faree upstairs to our room.

Amy followed me, but not without letting out a sigh of disappointment.

~~

"What was that about?" My voice was a little louder than usual. "I thought we agreed that we didn't like the four of them?"

Amy groaned and threw herself on her bed. "I never said that. I meant that they can be assholes sometimes, that's all."

"But they just were assholes?"

I also sat down on my bed and looked out of the window. The Hufflepuff team was playing quidditch.

"How were they assholes in any way, please? James just asked us if we wanted to study with them in the common room."

I could hear Amy starting to get angry.

"You know what he meant. He only asked because I said something completely stupid in Transfiguration the day before yesterday and everyone had a laugh. And now he wanted to hear more of it."

Amy had gone quiet. Then she snorted loudly. "Jesus Christ."

"What?!" As I turned around, two piercing eyes looked into me.

"Can you please stop painting the devil on the wall for once? You sound worse than Cassandra!"

Now I snorted.

But Amy wasn't finished yet. "You're so afraid of being ridiculed that you're becoming an asshole yourself!"

The sun was setting. And the moon slowly rose.

"Why are you so sure that the four of them are making fun of you?"

I hated that tears were welling up in my eyes. "That's how it always is! Suddenly all these people are nice to you, who didn't even know who you were before, to lure you into safety, but in reality they're blaspheming and laughing at you. It's always like that!"

Amy shook her head.

"No, it's just always like that in your head. There's a chance that these people just want to get to know you better."

Amy took her DADA textbook and turned to the other wall. "To exclude this opportunity from the outset is not only a mistake, but also a missed opportunity to make new friends."

I looked up at the full moon. I felt as if he was out there suffering with me.

You understand me, don't you?

Probably not.

~~

The next morning, Amy was still mad at me. I couldn't blame her. What I said already sounded pathetic.

But so far it had always been the truth.

It was unusually quiet at breakfast. Amy ate almost nothing and hurried to her tray.

We had different subjects at the beginning of the day, but at lunch Amy was nowhere to be seen. There were whispers again and I wanted to scream.

And it was only in charms that I was told she had been taken to the hospital wing. 

That was not uncommon for Amy. Amy was very fragile. Amy always put on a very strong front, also to help me. But the truth was that stress really affected her and at one point she almost fell over sick.

Was it because of our argument? I don't know. But I certainly felt guilty.

~~

After class, I hurried to the hospital wing and let myself be led to her bed.

She looked almost peaceful as she slept. I carefully sat down next to her and took her hand. She was sweaty and cool at the same time.

Madam Pomfrey explained to me that Amy had been under a lot of stress lately and had eaten something bad. Then she went to the next bed and talked with the visitors there.

Visitors with... familiar voices?!

"Oh, please, you can't expect us to just leave him here alone?" Was that Sirius?

"Yes, I must. You know he needs his rest now. So shoo." Madam Pomfrey sounded a bit annoyed.

"We can stay here quietly!" That was James. Ironically loud.

"No, Mr. Potter, you cannot. So, gentlemen. Out!"

I saw out of the corner of my eye how Madam Pomfrey shooed several people outside. But who was behind the curtain of the bed? Whom were they visiting?

The curtain didn't cover the whole bed. In fact, it was only drawn on my side. Quietly, I got up and tried to get a quick look at the person. I took a cautious step to the side and—

There layed Remus. A pretty battered Remus, wrapped in bandages.

Suddenly, the curtain was pulled back and I stood there as if caught red-handed.

Remus looked at me in surprise. His look was somehow different than usual and I imagined he took a deep breath before he spoke.

"Hi." ... "Hi."

His body was even worse wrapped up than I had seen from the side. He was sitting upright and his upper body was full of bandages. His face also had scratches but his eyes were still so deep-

I stared at him. For far too long.

I quickly sat down next to Amy, who was still asleep.

Remus cleared his throat. "Is Amy very unwell?"

Somehow I wasn't prepared for a conversation with him. Not with one of the four. Not with Remus.

"According to Madam Pomfrey, it's just stress. She just needs to get some rest and then she should feel better." I was almost whispering, my voice was so quiet. Nothing compared to yesterday.

"That's good. I hope she gets better soon. Has anything bad happened?" I looked up at him. His eyes were so gentle, as if he really cared. "Something that's really stressing her out?"

When he noticed my look, he looked away. To my disappointment. "But actually, it's none of my business-"

"We had a fight." Why did I tell him that? "I worried her again."

I looked at Amy. Her face wasn't quite so pale and her hand, which I was holding, wasn't quite so sweaty.

"Oh." Remus' voice was very quiet. As if he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. As if he was worried to say the wrong thing.

"And why are you lying here? What happened to you?" It was only when I looked at him that I realized the question was a bit rude.

"If you want to tell me," I added.

He just sighed and suddenly looked so far away. "It was an accident."

I waited for him to tell me more. He didn't.

It stayed quiet between us for a long time. I could feel his gaze from the side, but somehow it didn't bother me a bit. I almost felt safe.

Suddenly he asked me: "Why did you argue?"

I looked into his eyes and almost wanted to tell him everything. I looked at Amy and borrowed her words. "I was an asshole."

He tilted his head and smiled cautiously. "Somehow I can't imagine that."

I looked at him. He looked at me.

"Why?"

"Well, you... It's not like you at all."

I continued to look at him. He continued to look at me.

"What do you mean?"

"You're usually so... Lovely."

Lovely? He saying I was lovely?

I had to laugh. He looked away.

"Me? You don't know me then." I giggled softly. "Besides, anyone can be an asshole, no matter how sweet the person still is."

He looked outside. The moon was up. He had that look again. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that."

It was quiet again after that. I heard soft footsteps outside and my anxiety wanted me to leave. So I stood up and was about to say goodbye to Remus as he-

"I want to know."

"What?"

He suddenly looked into my eyes so intensely that I felt dizzy.

"I want to know you properly."

I didn't know what to say and just looked at him as he continued.

"I want to know what goes through your mind when you see me us."

His gaze moved away from me. "I want to know why you hate us so much."

My whole world suddenly spun and I was in the middle of it. What was he saying? What did he mean, why was he even talking to me? What was going on here, why was he even here? And why did he call me lovely? What did he mean?

I wanted to say something. Something about... What actually?

Somehow I couldn't get anything out of me and was stuck in this spiral of trying to say something and figure out what to say. I opened my mouth, as-

"Remus, we're here!" James' voice tried to sound quiet but was unmistakable. Just like the footsteps of the two boys walking towards his bed.

When I saw them, so many things came back to me. Why I didn't talk to Remus.

"Are you feeling better? Remus -" Sirius faltered when he saw me. He looked between me and Remus and then grinned at me.

"Oh hello."

He turned to James now and 'whispered' to him. "Prongs, let's go and give these two some time to themselves-"

Remus cleared his throat and pointed at Amy who was lying next to me. Sirius fell silent.

"I'd better go now." I said in a very quiet voice again. James and Sirius even left me alone, but I heard their voices before I closed the door behind me.

"So, did she talk to you?" "What was going on with her?" "Is there something-"

~

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. You weren't that far off the mark." Lily tried to comfort me. That was easy for her to say, she would never be wrong.

And the golden git Gryffindors would never make fun of her.

"Maybe."

"Evans, will you come here?" There stood the loverboy James, ready to have another go at her.

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled apologetically at me. "Don't take these idiots seriously, okay?"

With that, she walked in his direction, and did just that.

But I shouldn't be so hard on her because she was really trying to cheer me up, even though we're not really friends. She's clearly, well, more present than my friend Amy and me.

Amy was Gryffindor just like me, but didn't have transfiguration. She called the subject "A walking unnecessary babble".

Oh how I wish I had thought that when I chose my subjects.

I could still see Sirius grinning as James talked to Lily, Remus just stood there ashamed and Peter patted him on the shoulder.

Sirius noticed my look and whispered something to Remus, who flinched and turned away. I snorted.

Sirius' laughter was still ringing loudly in my ears, long after I had escaped to Amy's and my dorm.

~

"Well, I think they're really annoying. That's all." Amy pushed a plate of dinner towards me. She immediately realized something was wrong and I wasn't ready to go to dinner. I was very glad she was so good at the invisibility spell.

"Yes, but everyone likes them. Even Lily likes the four of them, even though she's always upset about them!" I groaned loudly and accepted the plate gratefully.

Amy looked at me with a smile. "Well, I don't really like them. They're entertaining, but I think they lack empathy."

"I think they're all stupid ego centers who only make themselves so important because they actually feel so bad about themselves." I took a big bite.

"And yet you can't stop talking about the four of them." Amy was grinning now. "I thought you said the other day that 'Remus isn't actually that bad and nice to talk to'?"

I almost choked at the mention of meeting the quieter boy of the group. It had been three months since we had met and talked in the library.

"That was something else. He just watches and lets the others get away with everything." I quietly turned to my food and Amy dropped the subject.

Oh, how I hated this cycle. Getting up. Eating at a house table where I know everyone and yet no one really. Subjects in which I will eventually make a mistake. Skipping meals to avoid the stares. Sleeping.

Hogwarts isn't that different from other schools. The same faces making fun of the same things. But we're all supposed to be adults soon, aren't we?

I should stop before I sound like an angsty teen.

~

Breakfast. New day, same course. I sat down opposite Amy and a laugh escaped my lips at one of her jokes.

But then another girl sat down next to me. Marlene McKinnon.

"Hey, you two, how are you?" she smiled, but something made me uncomfortable.

"Good, good." Amy laughed. "And you?"

"Oh, just fine." Marlene looked at my plate as if to check something. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable having a few chocolate cookies in the morning.

She turned to me. Oh no.

"Hey, this might be a bit sudden, but I'd like to know something." There was this twinkle in her eye that I didn't like at all.

I looked at Amy, who just shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay?" Very carefully. Don't make any big mistakes.

"If you had to date someone from Gryffindor, who would it be?"

I looked confusedly at Amy, who had to pull herself together not to burst out laughing.

"What?"

Marlene shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, I was just a bit curious as I've never seen you in a relationship with anyone before."

I saw her eyes twitch briefly to the right. When I looked in that direction, not very inconspicuously, I saw Sirius whispering something to James. He grinned at Remus in response.

Oh.

"Well, I can't really think of anyone right now, sorry Marlene."

She looked at me in surprise and wanted to say something, but Amy gasped in shock. Shocked, she clutched her chest. "After everything we've been through!" she didn't exactly say that quietly. To my dismay, quite a few heads turned towards us. Including the idiots.

"Amy-" I began, but she talked herself into her theater rage. "Hush! I don't want to hear any excuses! I thought we were something special! But no. In the end, I'm just another one of the many picks that will never be taken." She stood up. She skillfully looked away and took in the audience. "I can reassure you. I was prepared for all of this."

"Amy, it's not what you think!" I played along a little now. "I couldn't be so open about something so… Say something like that!"

Amy furrowed her brow. "Girl, no homo."

The Gryffindor table laughed and we fled the room.

Outside, we also laughed a bit, but Amy quickly composed herself.

"Did you see how he looked at you?"

I furrowed my brow. "Who?"

She rolled her eyes. "Remus, of course."

"Maybe it's because you made a big show," I said playfully, heading towards our next class.

"Hmm, but I think then he wouldn't have looked at you so longingly-"

"Amy!"

"With red cheeks and big heart eyes!" I walked faster while she laughed.

"That's all nonsense. Marlene only asked because one of those idiots requested it."

Amy looked at me confused. "Why would they do that?"

"Oh, they were looking at us too. And yesterday they were whispering among themselves. They probably find me really funny."

Amy became very quiet after that.

The only sounds were our footsteps and voices in the distance.

"You know," Amy began quieter than usual. "It's not like it used to be. We're all slowly growing up. We're not the odd ones out anymore. I think," she took a deep breath. "That the four of them won't make fun of us, of you, anymore."

How much I wished I could believe that. But I won't be able to, even if Remus talks to me in the library or Peter asks me if I like certain creatures.

Maya and Lydia

Maya: You're ignoring all your problems. Lydia: I know. Maya: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism? Lydia: I'm ignoring that fact as well. Maya:

Lydia: You know me, Maya, I don’t take any shit. You know what I say to my haters? Maya: What? Lydia: I say: “Please don’t hate me, I’m really nice.”

Maya: Can you keep a secret? Lydia: Do you know anything about my love life? Maya: No, I don't. Good point.

Maya: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the black lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this? Lydia: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Maya: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while class, so instead I have every morning Lydia saying ‘we need to talk after class.’ It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

Seraph and Sirius

Seraph : Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean. Sirius: No, go ahead. I want to hear it. Seraph : You two suck together. Sirius: That's not constructive criticism.

Seraph : Quick! You must come with me! Your in great danger! Sirius: Why?! Seraph : Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.

Seraph: Is this mistletoe? Sirius: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Seraph: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Sirius: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Seraph and Leander

Seraph: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Leander: … Seraph: Oh, right. The lying.

Leander: Come to think of it… You’ve always been nice to me. Leander: I mean, you listen to all my problems- Seraph: No, Leander I just simply stand here while you talk, there’s a big difference.

Leander: Why are you like this?? Seraph: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Leander: So we're gathered here today for a very special reason and I think you'll all agree with me here. Leander: And if you don't well then fuck you. Leander: I'm looking at you, Seraph, you jealous mop.

Seraph: Wait you like me? For my personality? Leander: I know, I was surprised too.

Seraph: Dammit, Leander, you ruined everything between me and Sirius! Leander: You’re welcome.

Seraph and (y/n)

Seraph: Whisky, can I speak to you for a minute? In private. (Y/n): Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

Seraph: Deep down, I'm sure I was always pretty okay with you. (Y/n): Thanks, Seraph! Seraph: It wasn't a compliment, numbnuts.

Seraph: You’re overthinking this. (Y/n): You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Seraph. What if I’m underthinking?

Lydia and friends

Lydia: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

Lydia: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.

Lydia: How late were you up last night? Luis & Luke, in tandem: Me? Lydia: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time. Lydia, (thinking Maya was on a date) to Maya: You.

Luis: What's worse than a heartbreak? Lydia: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Luis: Hey, what are you reading? Luke: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself. Luis: Impressive! I must have it for myself! Maya: So it’s just a Notebook? Luke: It’s just a Notebook.

Luis: Something tells me Lydia's going to be a bit more unhinged today... Lydia, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Maya isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Luis: For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home if you were asleep or drunk. But then we got rid of the horse. Luke: You complete moron. You stupid fucking idiot. "Cars would be better if they could bite and shit" – that was you just now, dumbass. Luke: "Wouldn't it be cool if cars could piss? Wouldn't it be cool if cars could fuck?" Fuck off. Maya: It would be cool if cars could fuck. Lydia: We... We still have horses.

Sirius and Leander

Sirius : Why can’t we all just get along? Leander: Because most of us are assholes, Sirius.

Sirius: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff. Leander: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Leander: Let’s not Sirius this into a worse situation than it already is. Sirius: Did you just use my name as a verb?

Leander, to Sirius: You wanna fight? All right, let’s take this outside. The stars are so bright tonight and the moon looks so nice. Here, hold my hand—

Slytherin friend group

Damien: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? Phina: No, I said "Damien, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

Damien: I'm so happy, I could kiss you! Phina : Um…Neat. later Phina , lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Leander. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid. Leander, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Phina . Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Seraph kissed me at the lake? Phina : Didn't you thank her? Leander: closes the book and looks at the ceiling I fucking thanked her.

Seraph: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

Seraph: Cassie, where’s your report card? Cassie: My friends stole it from me at school, so now I don’t have it anymore. Seraph: Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that lie? Cassie: What lie? Seraph: That you have friends.

Seraph: I think we can all agree I’m the ten amongst these threes.

Seraph: I am literally evil incarnate. Seraph: I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil. Seraph: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.

Phina: Seraph has no idea I’m high. Seraph: You’re high? Phina: Oh, I’m sorry. Phina, leaning over to Cassie: Seraph has no idea I’m high.

Seraph: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Seraph lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Leander: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me. Damien: But they said not to touch the masterpieces. Leander: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall. Seraph, on a walkie talkie: This is Seraph, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

Damien, putting his hands over Phina's eyes: Guess who! Phina: It's either Damien or the cold, clammy hands of death. Damien, putting hishands away: It's Damien! Phina: Dammit.

Leander: I’m gonna die alone. Cassie: Leander, you’re not gonna die alone. Leander: Seraph, was my safety net, okay? She and Sirius got together and now I have to get a snake. Damien: Uh-huh. Why is that? Leander: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face. Leander: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man. Leander: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

Damien, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein. Seraph: Can I go to the bathroom? Damien, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!

Damien: Am I right, Leander? Leander: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

Phina: Hey, Seraph, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Seraph: Yeah. Phina: And you, Leander? Leander: Umm… yes? Phina: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Leander: Did she just-

Bonus:

Lydia, pointing at seraph: I hate her. Maya: I don't like her either but why do you hate her? Lydia: She is in every single chapter. Even the short ones! I just have one long conversation with the protagonist. Just one in which I tell her secrets we share! Maya: You have what. Lydia: You don't? Leander: At least you have conversations with the protagonist! I only have one in which I destroy her self-esteem and get in a fight with Sirius! Damien: Please don't complain about that. Luke: At least you had more than two sentences. Phina: I had literally no conversation with the protagonist. I only made fun of them. I only interact with Seraph and Cassie. Leander: At least I have many interactions with Seraph. Phina: Fuck you. Cassie: Wait you guys said something?Phina: Shut up. Cassie: Sorry. Seraph: What are you talking about? Lydia: Nothing. Seraph: Are the side characters fighting? Maya: Please, piss off. Seraph, laughing: I'm so relieved I'm not a side character. Luis: Well I was in two stories just saying. Seraph: Fuck you. Laughing in the distance. Sirius: Amateurs.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first game of this Quidditch season! And for the start, we have the most heated game of all! The golden heroes against the silver antihero! The big lion against the sly snake! Ladies and gentlemen, we are watching Gryffindor against Slytherin!" Loud cheering.

"The Gryffindor who played the moderator this time really had no taste. I mean 'sly snake'? 'Silver antihero'? Between the lines, he's saying we're the bad guys! What a jerk…" whispered Cassie. I tried to listen to her, but I couldn't.

I could only focus on what I was seeing right now. A little Black, glaring at his brother's 'girlfriend.' She stared back at him in disbelief.

How could I have overlooked all of this?

Ohhh, Sirius. You little jerk. You despicable, vile, loudmouthed, disgusting, scheming-

"Now that everyone is on the field, we should start soon! Our dear players must move on their brooms and rise into the air. Are you ready?"

Regulus Black knows his brother well. Even when I was with Sirius, he knew when our relationship was just a pastime. He was never mad at me. At least not that I knew of.

"One!"

He knows much more about me and my friends than I want. Sometimes he scares me.

"Two!"

Sirius and he have quite a few conflicts. They almost never agree. And even when I was with Sirius, they argued about it. But not about whiskey.

"Three!"

Why not? Because Regulus didn't know Sirius liked whiskey. Why didn't he know?

"Go!"

Because it's not real. Holy crap, Sirius.

"There, our heroes rise into the air and battle for the balls! Gryffindor's Seeker James Potter searches the field from high above for the Snitch! Will he find it? Probably not, as the game has just begun!"

~~~

"Come on, it's not that bad! I'll take a glass, and you take the bottle, okay?"

She looked at me with wide eyes. It was just whiskey, after all. Why was she making such a big deal out of it? I smiled at her, hoping she would finally drown herself in the drink.

Carefully, she took the bottle and looked at me uncertainly. "Seraph, are you sure nothing will happen?"

I shook my head, laughing. "What could possibly go wrong, you silly? Maybe you'll feel a bit off for a moment, but so what? You'll have done it, and the experience counts, right!"

She stared at the bottle for a long time. Eventually, Damien whistled loudly. "Come on, or I'll take the bottle!"

He was a repulsive guy, way too loud, with too little empathy in his small brain. Leander, sitting next to him, looked at him frustrated and shook his head.

His hair shimmered in the light, and his eyes had that deep brown color I wanted to disappear into. His lips looked so gentle…

An uneasy feeling spread within me, and I took my glass and downed it in one gulp.

"Seraph!" the girl in the yellow uniform looked at me in shock. "Are you okay?"

My head seemed to spin. The face of this ugly girl spun right before my eyes as if it would never go away. I wanted to hit her. Push her away. I wanted to take the bottle and beat her to death with it-

"Of course!" I snapped at her. "And now, hurry up! If you don't have the guts anymore, it's okay, but say it so we don't have to drag this out unnecessarily!"

She flinched and stared back at the bottle.Her lips trembled and something shimmered in her eyes. I felt something like triumph when I saw her fingers turn white from the firm grip on the bottle. "I told you." Phina said after a while. "She's just too scared-"

With one gulp, she opened the bottle and drank. She paused occasionally and then continued. Until. The. Bottle. Was. Empty.

"Damn, she did it!" Damien laughed loudly, probably at my friend's stupidity. He couldn't stop laughing.

"Stop laughing, you jerk," grumbled Leander, looking almost concerned at her. The look in his eyes disgusted me and I wanted to push her out of there. Had he looked at me like that once? No, there was no need to worry about me. Somehow it still made me angry. I don't know why, but I wanted to hit him. I wanted to pull her out of here and never bring her near my friends again.

My little friend swayed and desperately grabbed onto me for support. "Oh my God, she's gone! I can't take it anymore!" Damien laughed even louder. His laughter rang shrill in my head, like a warning. Get out of here.

"Seraff, where are you? What elshe do I hashe to do?" she mumbled the words incompletely and swayed in my arms. Why was I even holding her?

"Let go of me," I snapped at her and pulled away. Her dirty hands seemed much worse than usual. Her eyes were glazed, and it dawned on me that she probably wouldn't remember this tomorrow. "Go to your house. Now."

Confused, she looked at me, as if nothing in her head was functioning. Slowly swaying, she moved toward the exit. I didn't watch her as she left the room.

"Come back tomorrow, 'Whisky'!" Damien shouted after her. "Dude, shut up!" Leander gave him a little slap on the head, but Damien just laughed.

"Why? The name 'Whisky' fits, right?" I wanted to kill him with my gaze. My head throbbed. I didn't know what was happening to me, but something in me sought satisfaction. Phina looked at me approvingly and nodded. Her smile revealed how much she was enjoying the situation. She looked at me with half-open eyes and that stupid smile, I could puke.

"Or don't you think so, Leander?" I challenged him. Agree with me. Now. Come on. Stop hesitating. You're always on my side, what's wrong? Agree with me. Please—

"Well, yes… But—" he looked away and fell silent. Something in me tightened at this 'but.'

"What 'but'?" I asked with a sugary voice. Come on. Say it already. What do you hate so much about me right now? What? Say it. Say it to my face. I want to hear why you're looking at me like that.

"Cassie also collapsed because of the alcohol. What if your friend collapses on the way to her house now?" he scratched his neck and didn't look at me.

Damien groaned loudly. "Oh, who cares. Then she'll miss the test tomorrow, no big deal."

Leander ignored my glances. He stared into the fire. I wanted to push him into it. He should finally say what I did wrong! What did I do?

"Phina, let's go to sleep." I stood up and finally turned away from this guy who frustrated me so much. "We have an important test tomorrow."

She looked at me bored. Then she looked back at Damien, and I saw out of the corner of my eye how they seemed to silently discuss me.

"Come on!" I said now with a firmer voice and went to the girls' dormitories.

"I'm coming already…" said a very annoyed Phina. I wanted to strangle her.

Phina followed me, and we closed the door to the girls' dormitories behind us. But I stayed for a second before closing the door.

"You guys are such assholes." Black. "Be quiet, kid. It's none of your business." Damien. "You should be expelled from school." Regulus Coward Black. "Where are you going?" Leander. "Somebody has to take her to the Hufflepuff house." Two doors slammed in response.

~~

Late it was that evening when I left the Slytherin common room to search for the intoxicated girl. I didn't know her personally, but I somehow felt connected to her. She had been in our Slytherin common room on several occasions.

I saw it all. Seraph, who always dragged her along, or rather, the one who always followed her. Damien, who mocked her. Leander, who felt pity for her but was too captivated by Seraph to do anything. And Phina, who didn't care about anything as long as there was some drama.

It was disgusting to watch them.

I walked through the corridors of the grand castle, wondering how far she had gotten. But certainly not far, because it was dark, and she had a massive amount of alcohol in her system.

Holding my wand high with the Lumos spell, I hoped not to be discovered by teachers as I heard labored breathing. I scanned my surroundings, but there was no one. No corners, no closets to hide in. Yet, I heard that breathing. What the hell?

Soft steps echoed through the corridor as I turned around, trying to find the origin. Was I going mad here?

I turned around and saw a silhouette at the corner of the corridor and was about to run towards it when—

"Regulus, what are you doing here?"

Sirius.

Startled, I turned to my brother, who looked at me inquiringly.

"How did you—? You—Just a moment ago, there was no one there!" I looked at him suspiciously as he gave me a feigned look of confusion.

"What are you talking about, Regulus? I just came from the Gryffindor tower," he said, grinning crookedly. "What are you doing out so late on a full moon?"

"I could ask you the same thing." His gaze hardened a bit. "Besides, it's none of your business."

I turned back to the silhouette, but it had disappeared. Sighing, I continued, disappointed that my slightly older brother was following me.

"Well, I think I have a right to know what my little brother is up to at this late hour," he murmured as he walked behind me. "My little brother wandering around in the middle of the night… What if something happens to you—"

"Shut up, Sirius," I snapped at him, hoping he would lose interest. I looked around, but 'Whisky' was nowhere to be seen.

"Or…" Sirius grinned now. "You're looking for something." He looked at me triumphantly. "I can help—"

"I said, 'shut up, Sirius!'" I listened carefully to the steps, and it seemed like I could faintly hear them.

"What's actually going on with you? Lately, you hardly talk to me! I'm really worried about you, Regulus. Has something happened?" his voice behind me became somewhat harsh. "Did your parents say something?"

"No, they didn't." Lie. "I just find you insufferable lately." Truth. Recently, he basks in his popularity, constantly putting himself in the spotlight and enjoying the attention, with many girls chasing him like little dogs.

I hated how he acted with his 'friends.' Their 'jokes' were just disgusting. I couldn't understand the senseless joy in it. But how could I.

"Hey, what do you mean-"

"Shush!" I signaled for him to shut up. It was very quiet, but you could hear it. A muffled sob.

"Do you hear that too? That-" I couldn't hold back anymore; I punched Sirius lightly to make him understand he should be quiet. "Hey-!"

Very quietly, I took step after step towards the crying. I was almost at the corner of the corridor when-

"What are you doing here anyway?" A. Much. Too. Loud. Sirius.

The crying immediately fell silent. Now it was dead silent. I flipped my brother the middle finger before turning the corner. An empty corridor awaited me. But unlike just now, there was a small cupboard here. A suffocating little cupboard.

Sirius followed me, but before he could say anything, I knocked on the cupboard. "What are you doing there?" he asked, but I ignored him.

"Hello?" I inquired.

Silence.

I knocked again, but this time slower. "Everything okay in there?"

Silence.

"Do you think someone's in there?" Sirius stood behind me with crossed arms, as if I were the dumbest person in the world. He probably never had to hide in school before.

"Sirius, for the last time, please shut up!" I couldn't hear him anymore. "No one asked you to follow me!"

Sirius just shrugged. "As a big brother, it's my duty to annoy you. Besides, I have to be there when you get yourself into trouble."

"That's funny coming from you. As if you've ever fulfilled your duties as a big brother." He was really getting on my nerves.

"Hey, I've made a real effort in the last 2 years to annoy you properly! Nothing that makes you uncomfortable or anything…" He briefly looked out at the shining moon. "But I also had to take care of other things. But I'm trying!"

"Oh yes, you're really busy not doing your homework and annoying other students with your jokes that sometimes go too far!" He infuriated me. How he stood there as if he understood something. As if someone like him understood how I feel and why I don't want anything to do with him.

He is the one who is leaving me alone.

"Okay, Regulus, I have the feeling that you, how should I put it, are angry. Mainly, that's probably due to the absence of your humor, but that can be fixed, don't worry." He came closer. "Next time, you can join us in Hogsmeade. If you want, we can also come up with a prank together!"

"I don't want to participate in one of your bad jokes, really! I'd rather have detention with Professor Binns, and that says something." His smile disappeared. He looked at me almost desperate. For the first time tonight, he said nothing. And that's why I heard it.

"Pffff-"

Laughter.

Sirius pushed me aside, went to the small cupboard, and pulled out his wand. With a slightly tense voice, he said, "Alohomora!" and with a very exaggerated aggressive jerk, he opened the cupboard.

A laughing girl, seemingly out of her mind, looked out at us. Sirius still pointed his wand at her when she -

"AHHHHH!!!" she screamed and blinked against the presumably very bright light. "DON'T EAT ME!"

"Did you hear all that-; Wait, what?" Sirius lowered his wand in confusion and looked at the girl bewildered.

She looked at him as if he were the devil; he had apparently scared her. But his confused look was priceless. I had to chuckle slightly, I admit it. Sirius glared at me and now completely put away his wand.

"Who are you, what are you doing here, and why are you hiding from us, and why in a cupboard???" With each question, he got closer to her, and eventually, his head was half in the cupboard. "Let her breathe; she really doesn't need your breath in her nose." I grinned at him this time and took full advantage of his confusion.

The girl laughed again. Sirius backed off from her and looked at her almost scared. "I don't have bad breath! Or do I?" She laughed even more but shook her head. He grinned at her oddly. "Come on, that wasn't so funny?"

Somehow, I wanted to puke at the sight of the two. "Just let her out already." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. But then he grinned at the girl in the cupboard again. "I'm sorry. Here, let me help you out." He held out his hand to her. She looked as if she were thinking about it, like only a drunk person could.

"No, thanksh. I can manashe on my own getting out of here; after all, I manashed to get in. Besidez, I don't trusht you yet! It could be that you actually want to zell me to Professor Shlughorn so he can make a potion out of me!" She slipped out of the cupboard and sat swaying on the floor.

Sirius looked dumbfounded at her. He looked between me and her. Eventually, he looked at me utterly bewildered, and I had to laugh. She seemed not to understand him and shook her head. "You think I'm weird, don't you? No, you're jusht not direct enough; what do you want from me?"

"Me? I haven't done anything! What's your problem, anyway?" Sirius still looked at her confused, but he also started to look really worn out. "Seraph said that every good-looking guy who comes to me just wants to take advantage of me! So, what do you want?" The girl glared at him, and now she also looked at me. Slowly she began to speak normally. "And how did you know where I was hiding-"

"Wait, wait, who is Seraph? And more importantly, you find me good-looking?" Sirius tilted his head and grinned at her. I felt increasingly nauseated. "You can go now." I raised my voice again, eager to take her back to her house.

"No, you're right! Where did you know she was?" He looked at me confused. I sighed loudly. "We heard her footsteps, and the cupboard was the only option where she could hide."

"I mean, why did you go out in the middle of the night and look for her?" He looked at me skeptically.

"How did you come out of nowhere? You can't fool me; you suddenly appeared out of nowhere behind me! How?" Now I looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"You just imagined that."

"Then you imagined that I knew where she was. I was just taking a walk and happened to find her."

The girl looked between us and chuckled again.

"What?" we asked simultaneously.

"Sorry." she fell silent and looked at the ground. She stood up, swaying, and tried to walk away but didn't get very far due to the swaying.

"Hey, hey, hey, we must take you back to your house; where do you want to go so late?" Sirius stood up and went to her. I sighed but nodded. "For once he's right; you shouldn't go alone."

But then she took Sirius' hand and pulled him behind her. "Hey, don't you think it's a bit too early for hand-holding?" Sirius asked with that disgusting tone. Confused, she stared at him; alcohol must have taken her mind for flirting. "Where do you want to go? The Hufflepuff common room is in the other direction." I said and pointed her in the right direction.

Uncomprehendingly, she stared at me. "But we have to go to the hospital wing first." She just pointed in the other direction. "And it's over there."

Sirius laughed softly. "Maybe you really belong in the hospital wing, but I don't think you want to be caught there because of alcohol consumption, believe me."

"Not because of me. You're injured." She said to him, looking at him questioningly.

"What are you talking about?" I asked since I didn't notice any injury on Sirius. "His arm. He has a wound there. That's why his uniform is so messy." She shrugged and tapped on Sirius' right arm. He flinched in response to this touch.

Sirius looked at me, attempting to appear confused. "I think we should take her away quickly before she collapses from the alcohol."

"You're much more likely to collapse." She said, smiling at him. "Come on, you don't have to act so tough. Just let yourself be taken to the hospital wing." Again, she walked off, pulling Sirius along with her.

"Is that true? Where did you get that wound?"

"You're not really interested anyway. Anything related to me doesn't really matter for you." Sirius muttered. "You're just on our parents' side anyway."

I glared at him. "Now you're just talking nonsense to wallow in self-pity again."

"Hey, no more arguing! He's injured; that's more important now!" 'Whisky' looked at both of us angrily. Sirius looked at her almost guilty. "Sorry," he said, but she just shook her head. "Apologize to him, not me. He was just worried."

Sirius turned to me. "I'm sorry, Regulus." She nodded at him and now looked at me expectantly. I sighed loudly but finally gave in. "Sorry, Sirius."

Acknowledging, she nodded at both of us. "Good, now let's-" But then she blushed. She looked at Sirius for a long moment and then at her hand that was holding Sirius' hand. Startled, she let go of his hand and looked at him in confusion. "Are you Sirius Black?"

"Would that be a problem for you?" he asked, looking at me questioningly. I just shrugged.

"No, of course not," she whispered softly, putting some distance between Sirius and her. "You can tell the truth; no one would blame you. I would understand it very well!" I said, grinning at Sirius, who just looked annoyed at me.

"Who are you, anyway? Do I know you?" he asked, looking at her hesitantly. But she just shook her head. "No, don't worry, of course not. I'm nothing without Seraph, so it doesn't matter anyway-"

"Who the hell is Seraph? You mentioned her twice, and again, she doesn't seem very likable to me," Sirius said. I laughed at that. "A bitch. She's a bitch. But an interesting one."

Sirius looked at me confused. "Aha." He turned back to her. "Why are you drunk wandering around the castle in the middle of the night?"

"Seraph," I just said, and that explained everything. Sirius apparently didn't understand this simple explanation. He now looked accusingly at me. "So, you did know why she's here and went looking for her!"

"It's not that important now; you need to go to the hospital wing!" a very confused Hufflepuff said. "You're injured!"

"And you need to go to your bed!" Sirius looked at her just as accusingly. "You've apparently drunk yourself to passing out! Probably because you haven't gotten over your friend or something, right? Well, let me give you a tip, drinking doesn't help at all!"

She looked at him somewhat frightened. "That's not how it was… I just did it for Seraph, that-"

"Seraph really seems to be a bitch," Sirius said. I nodded. "Yeah, she's perfect for you," I added.

"Hey!"

"He's right."

Both of us looked at her confused. She looked down. Sirius laughed nervously. "Hey, I didn't mean to be mean or anything-"

She looked at him in shock. "No, no, that's not what I mean! I just mean… she's so nice and beautiful and funny and -" she took a deep breath. And then breathed out again. "She's amazing. And she really just wants to help me."

Sirius looked at me confused. This time I looked just as confused back. "What the hell do you mean-"

"You know what? We should really take you to the hospital wing now!" she quickly changed the subject and went back swaying towards the hospital wing. I followed her, gesturing for Sirius to follow. She probably wouldn't go back to her house until Sirius was treated.

"Hey, what's your name?" Sirius looked at her curiously. She looked at him confused. "(Y/n)"

We stood in front of the hospital wing. When Sirius turned to her again. "Well, (Y/n), firstly, your laughter is really cute, and secondly, I already like you more than Seraph." With that, he disappeared behind the door.

A very confused (Y/n) stood next to me. But upon closer inspection, she seemed to be blushing. Wait, what?!

"Uh… I should probably go to my dorm, right?" she looked at me hesitantly. I just couldn't imagine someone like her… No, that was just wrong.

"Yeah, let's go. I'll take you." I finally said. Awkwardly, we walked down the corridor while my mind was racing.

"What year are you, by the way?" she asked eventually, smiling at me crookedly. Her way too innocent face was killing me.

"Third. Are you in love with my brother?"

Silence.

"How, what, why do you think that???" She looked at me with a red face.

I looked at her for a long time, but I had to sigh. "I don't care about that, but I just want to warn you. My brother is not really known for serious and lasting relationships."

She looked at me for a long time. Then she smiled one of those sad smiles and looked ahead. "I know. It's not like I think I could ever be in a relationship with him."

We walked in silence for a while. Outside, the full moon was slowly going down while the sun seemed to be rising. "That's not what I meant. I just want to tell you that you have to love yourself first. And you have to finally let go of Seraph. By now, you must see that yourself."

We stood in front of the Hufflepuff entrance as she looked at me hurt. "You can go now."

I looked at her for a long time. "Otherwise, you'll always remain 'Whisky'."

I saw her tears and left.

~~~

In the end, I don't know what happened that night. Whisky couldn't remember herself, probably because of the alcohol. I only found her exhausted outside the Hufflepuff house the next day. She didn't come in, must have forgotten the password. We had a test that day.

Everything seemed normal with her, but she was a bit wobbly on her feet. At some point Sirius Black came to her and asked if she was feeling better. At that moment, I was confused as to why he was even talking to someone like her.

"She's fine!"

And then she pukes on her test. Since then, teachers have been looking more at students who look like they have been drinking.

And now this boy, who looked after her that evening, had this mad look in his eyes as he went up into the sky.

I literally flew through the corridors. My heart was racing, my legs felt light, and for the first time, my head didn't seem to throb. The sun shone brightly and seemed to smile at me. I smiled back and enjoyed the beautiful weather.

Suddenly, I bumped into someone.

I looked ahead and saw a boy from Slytherin, who looked at me with big, inquisitive eyes. Where did I know those eyes from?

"Sorry, did I hurt you?"

He still looked at me with that gaze. Eventually, he shook his head. "As if someone like you could hurt me."

What?

He already pushed me aside and was about to leave after saying that, but I didn't let him go so easily.

"What do you mean?"

He looked away and shook his head again. "Forget it, Whisky."

"What… How do you know-"

"Everyone knows you by now, and you should know why." I felt small under those eyes. How they followed me. How they assessed me. How familiar they seemed.

"How do you know 'Whisky'?"

His eyes widened at that. He looked at me for a long time, as if he were just coming up with his answer.

"I'm (y/n)."

Then he looked away. I tried to catch his gaze, but I couldn't. Finally, he turned around.

"I only know Whisky, who always chases after everyone and now pretends to be with Sirius Black. Not (y/n)."

Then he walked away.

"Hey, wait! You can't just-"

"I have to go to the Quidditch field. Leave me alone."

And before I could say anything else, he was gone. My confusion slowly turned into panic as I realized what that fifth-year just said.

Pretends.

Who the hell was this boy with blavk hair and those familiar eyes? And how did he know?

~~~

"Why did you talk to Leander? And about what?" Cassie looked at me appraisingly. It seemed she and Phina didn't catch everything Leander had said in the common room. Lucky.

"I just warned him not to pick a fight with Sirius. We all know how that ends. He'll end up in the hospital wing again," I said, gathering my things and placing them on our dresser.

Our rooms were far from the other houses. It wasn't always pleasant to climb the entire way up. And who came up with the idea to place Slytherin in the basement? Whisky still always came down to wait for me.

"So what? Let him end up in the hospital wing; it's more fun for us! Otherwise, everything here is sooo boring… Since Whis-"

"Our team should win, not start a brawl," I interrupted Phina before she said something that would infuriate me. I understood her desire for something new all the time and the amusement of drama. But I didn't want any drama with Leander and Sirius at the moment.

"That's strange, though," Cassie began, leaning forward with a sly grin. "Since when does our untouchable Seraph care about our Quidditch team? Usually, you only went for Whisky. Or are you hoping to see her there?"

I shook my head laughing, as always. Don't reveal too much; otherwise, it loses its value. "Yes, sure, Cassie." Give nothing away, or it loses its value. "You have a vivid imagination in your sweet little head."

Hidden revenge hurts the most. And I know what it looks like. But when I look at Whisky, I don't see that hidden revenge. I see guilt feelings, as if she genuinely cares about me. Yes, as if that little snake somehow cares about me in her new perfect world!

Cassie didn't say anything more and looked away. Sometimes, she reminded me so terribly of Whisky that I wanted to hit her.

"Come on, Phina, let's go upstairs already."

And sometimes, she was so unlike Whisky that I wanted to strangle her.

"Can you wait for a damn moment for me? It's not that hard, is it?"

Both looked at me silently as I sighed and finished tying my hair into a ponytail. I stood up and examined myself in the mirror. "Not great, but it'll have to do."

Then I turned to the little mice, waiting for my next move. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?"

Phina looked like she wanted to say something, but Cassie gave her a look that made her hesitate. I didn't want to wait for their game, so I started walking. They followed me as always.

Take it away from them, and they'll want it again.

~~~

One foot in front of the other. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right-

"(Y/n)! There you are, we've been looking for you!" Maya and Lydia approached me. I was on my way to my room to contemplate this encounter.

"Come on, let's go to the game together; it's starting soon. And you definitely shouldn't miss it!" Lydia looked at me with a meaningful look while Maya took a moment to understand her hints.

"Yeah, you're right."

I joined them and walked towards the field with them, trying not to show anything. I kept the encounter with the boy to myself for now.

"Would it be okay if we meet up with Luis and Luke? They don't know you yet and would like to get to know you. They're nice guys, even if Luke can be a bit rough, he's still nice." Maya explained, looking at me expectantly.

I wasn't good with new people, but if they wanted to get to know me, it would be impolite to simply say no. So, I nodded with a smile, and we headed to the spectator stands.

On one side, there were mostly green robes, with a few yellow or blue ones. Slytherin was very serious when it came to the game against Gryffindor. The same could be said for those sitting on the other side.

As we approached the stands, I could already see two boys my age in Ravenclaw robes from a distance. They both had black hair and seemed to be twins, although you could distinguish them easily. One had a very serious expression and a scar on his face, while the other looked more relaxed, but something seemed to be on his mind.

Maya waved to them, and Lydia ran towards the one with a smile on her face, hugging him. He seemed surprised at first but hugged her back.

"Feeling better?" she asked him, and he smiled a sad smile. He nodded slightly but very uncertainly, and Maya scrutinized him with concern.

The somewhat grim one cleared his throat and turned to me. Instead of saying anything, he nodded his head towards me and looked at his brother pleadingly. The brother quickly caught on and let go of Lydia.

"Hey, sorry, this must be weird for you. Everything's fine, don't worry. You're (Y/n), right? I'm Luis, and this is Luke." He smiled at me, and I nodded back. "Nice to finally meet you. We've heard about you from everywhere."

I looked away shyly and didn't know what to say. I didn't have to say anything, as Luke spoke up. "We need to find a seat soon. Otherwise, Slytherin will take them all."

"And where should we sit?" I asked, looking at the others.

Luke looked at me in disbelief. "To Gryffindor? On your friend's side? Where do you want to go?"

I looked at the Slytherin side where I usually sat and was startled by his question. "I- It's just a habit, sorry."

Luis laughed softly, not mocking but friendly. "You were a Slytherin fan? How did you even end up with Sirius?" He looked at me for a long time, and my heart stopped. "But he also dated Seraph, so it seems he puts Quidditch aside in his relationships."

"Now let's go!" said Lydia, who seemed to want to get me to the spectator level as quickly as possible. Luis laughed, and Luke just grinned at me slightly as we walked in.

The field seemed huge every time I saw it. The preparation seemed to be over, and the players were in their team tents. We found seats near the front but not too close so that we could have a good view of the field.

It took a long time for all the spectators to sit down, and the murmurs subsided. I looked into the spectator rows around us and saw people I had known since childhood suddenly very close. Some even smiled at me, although we had never spoken.

Eventually, it was time. The players were called and summoned to their positions. It didn't take long until I saw Sirius, but it seemed like an eternity before our eyes met.

When he saw me, he pointed at me and smiled. As if to say, I'm winning for you. I blushed slightly and smiled back at him. Eventually, I couldn't look into those eyes anymore and looked away.

Into other familiar eyes. Wide-open eyes that looked at me in shock. Seraph was sitting across from me. I felt uncomfortable as she looked down and then back at me. But she wasn't looking at Sirius.

The Slytherin players gathered, and the last player was called to his position. The boy I had encountered. The one who glared at me from below. The one who seraph looked at in disbelief.

"And Regulus Black, as Seeker, to his position!"

Regulus.

Black?

Hey there 😅

I was gone for a while, because I just couldn't write anymore :') And I wanted to ask if you were still interested in my Sirius x hufflepuff reader story? This is the master list that should have been made a long time ago, but I didn't expect it to be so long.

Thank you for all the loving comments!!! Everytime I read them I am so proud and happy that I wrote my silly idea. I hope you would still read it and leave your sweet comments for me to read. Love you alll<33333

Just leave a comment if you still want more <3

The atmosphere in the room was calm. After everything that had already happened today, I was incredibly excited about what Sirius wanted to show me. Maybe, just maybe, he actually liked me after all.

"Whisky, how are you?"

The voice was eerily calm, almost serene. Her eyes didn't look at me the way they used to. They didn't scrutinize me anymore. She stood before me with a drink in her hand, which she probably had to get for herself for the first time.

"I'm doing well, Seraph."

She smiled. Her face was relaxed, and it was actually quite nice. But I could see that it didn't reach her eyes. That's how she looked at the teachers when she had to talk her way out of something.

"I believe you. I'm still quite amazed by you, I admit it." She chuckled softly.

"I never expected that from you."

It was almost as if I heard Sirius' voice. As if I heard him saying to me as he did earlier today: Don't listen to them.

Why couldn't I just do that?

"What do you mean?"

The smile that followed sent a cold shiver down my spine.

"Your little charade with Sirius."

.

Now, everything was over.

~~~

"Hey are you ready to be blown away?!" Sirius smile was shining brightly but I couldn't look him in the eyes. It was to much. I almost forgot... How this overwhelming guilt felt.

His hand reached out for mine but it all felt so wrong... So played.

"Sirius-"

"I promise you, you will absolutely love it! My friends helped me, even though Remus was complaining... But it was all worth it!"

I regretted every single decision I made, as I saw his smile fell as i pulled my hand away.

The silence was overwhelming and the pressure his gaze held unbearable. He took a step back and only then I realized how close he was before.

"Is... Something wrong?"

I couldn't quite place the feeling I was feeling. Guilt could try to describe it but it was much worse.

"I.. Was just thinking and I thought that maybe..."

He almost took a step to come closer but he kept his distance as he watched me stutter.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What?! No, no you didn't do anything wrong! I was just thinking that maybe we should stop with this fake dating stuff..."

Silence.

I heard the little screams from the party. I heard the exciting bubbling of the lake. I heard the drunk singing from the common room.

And still.

It was still so damn quiet.

Why aren't you saying anything? Why are you just standing there? Why do you keep this distance to me? Why-

"What did this snake say to you?"

His voice was sharp nothing compared to his excited voice before.

"What-?"

Now he took a step towards me and for the first time of this whole act, of this week he was intimidating.

"What in the GODDAMM HELL did she say to you this time?! Did she say of how bad of a boyfriend I was? Did she talk about the times I didn't give her my full attention? Did she talk about how all of this is just an act for me to make her jealous?"

"I- what are you saying?"

He held me in my place and almost stared me down.

"Y/n, be honest with me, okay?"

I couldn't say no to those eyes. I nodded slowly almost frightened if I didn't.

"Seraph talked to you, didn't she?"

You're a horrible liar, you know?

"Why do you think that?"

He chuckled and his grip became more stiff. Why was this so scary? Why was he so scary?

"Do you think I am dumb?" Sirius eyes were cold. They reminded me of the evening my hair lost it's natural color. How he stared seraph down.

"I know the girl I dated. She wasn't just your friend, you know, I was in a RELATIONSHIP with this little devil!" He was almost forcing me to look at him.

"I know her smile when she wants something from me. I know the face she makes when she isn't satisfied with the people around her. And I know how she thinks she is in power of everyone. She likes to mess with others especially for revenge."

"But that's not-"

"And I know the girl I am dating right now."

Dating?

"Do you really think I don't know you? I know how you act when you want something but you are scared to ask. I know when you think you don't deserve to be with anyone around you. And I know how you shut everything down, when you are with seraph.

I have seen that for YEARS. "

"Sirius, you know me for like a week! You don't know..."

"I HAVE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS, GODDAMMIT!"

I didn't know what to say so I just shut my mouth. His grip on my loosened. He laughed bitterly.

"Do you really think I never remembered you beside Seraph? We talked lots of times, hell we even had to work in a transformation project together!"

"I didn't think you would..." Remember that.

"Tell me, darling..."

He let me go and looked me in my eyes. And I saw something glittering in those eyes.

"Why do you believe her words more than my actions?"

She didn't even see the pile of roses that were hiding behind the boy with the black hair.

Seraph:

-Ohhhh... Where do I start?

-She is one of my gems, I am sure. Because you can't seem to hate her even though you don't know much of her.

-Toxicity all over the place. She is a walking red flag and she knows it. But sometimes she wants to prove to herself that she's the victim. In reality she is even poisoning herself with the lies.

-Lack of real emotions. She is an actor. Trying to fool herself to believe she is a good person. But why? ;)

-Wanting to be better. Especially better than 'Whisky'. She is annoyed at the emotions whisky has. She wants to be better, prettier, smarter and better liked than 'whisky'.

-Jealousy. She is a really jealous girl. She wants to be the happiest, most excited, smartest and coolest person in the room. (Why did she even date Sirius? With him in the room that's impossible..)

-But is she really just bad? I don't want to create a character that's just that. I want her to be a real character with personality. Because she is in reality just a coward.

~~~

But I don't want to spoiler anything. Let me know what you think of this concept and if you want to analyze yourself, do so! Even if this isn't going to reach many...

I sat in the dimly lit corner of the common Gryffindor room, my fingers tracing the edge of my parchment absentmindedly as I stared into the dancing flames in the fireplace. The room was alive with the chatter of Gryffindors, celebrating their latest victory on the Quidditch field. But I felt detached, distant from the euphoria that surrounded me.

Sirius, my boyfriend, was at the center of the jubilation, his charismatic smile drawing everyone's attention. He had just scored the winning goal for their team, and the adoration he received from his housemates was undeniable. But I couldn't help the bitter taste that welled up in my mouth as I watched him.

He was always the center of attention, always in the spotlight. And while everyone adored him, I felt like I was slowly fading into the shadows. Our relationship had become a mere formality, an extension of his popularity.

That evening, I was mad at him. Mad at how he seemed to forget about me once the applause and cheers began. I wanted to feel special, to feel wanted, I wanted to feel excitement and love like her for him, but all I got were fleeting moments of his attention.

Leander, on the other hand, sat a few feet away, his eyes occasionally flickering in my direction. He was different from Sirius, quieter and more reserved. There was a depth to him, an air of mystery that intrigued me. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be the center of someone's universe, even if just for a moment.

As the evening wore on, I found myself glancing at Leander more frequently, our eyes locking in silent conversation. There was something magnetic about the way he looked at me, something that drew me closer to him like a moth to a flame.

I excused myself from the celebration, telling Sirius I needed some fresh air. He barely acknowledged my departure, engrossed in his own world of accolades and admiration. I didn't care; I needed a break from it all.

Outside, the crisp night air stung my cheeks as I wandered to a secluded spot by the lake. Leander found me there, his steps hesitant but purposeful. He didn't say a word, just sat down beside me, his presence comforting in its silence.

"You left him and he didn't follow."

We sat there, side by side, staring out at the tranquil waters. The moon cast a soft glow on his face, accentuating the contours of his features. And in that moment, I realized that I craved the attention he gave me, the way he made me feel seen.

"And you did?" I wanted to tease him but he ignored my tone.

"I would always follow you." his eyes stared in mine and in this exact moment I let my guard down.

Our lips met in a hesitant kiss, a spark of desire igniting within me. It was wrong, I knew that, but it felt so right in that moment. Leander's fingers brushed against my cheek, his touch electrifying as our kisses deepened.

I didn't feel guilty. I felt alive, desired, something I hadn't felt in a long time. Leander hesitated at first, his conscience wrestling with his desire, but eventually, he gave in to the undeniable chemistry between us.

But as the evening wore on and our stolen moments continued, I couldn't help but wonder if I was making a mistake. I was still mad at Sirius, but I knew that two wrongs didn't make a right.

Then, as we shared one last lingering kiss, I saw him. Sirius stood in the shadows, his eyes fixed on us, a mixture of hurt and anger in his gaze. I couldn't read his mind, but I knew he had seen everything.

Leander pulled away, a hint of regret in his eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt. But when I looked at Sirius, I couldn't bring myself to feel remorse. Instead, I felt a strange sense of satisfaction, like I had shown him that I wasn't self-explanatory.

Sirius turned and walked away, disappearing into the darkness. I knew that our relationship was forever changed, but in that moment, I didn't care. For the first time in a long time, I had felt something real, something that made me feel alive.

The little girl in me cheered, but didn't realize that I lost him.