... E Outras Manias

disclaimer this is well into headcanon territory and is very much me taking scraps and absolutely running with them as i see fit 💀

it stems from the pretty canon concept that dean’s sammy issue is that he wants sam with him and all to himself no matter how they’re actually doing with each other ie they can fight and be unhappy and toxic and it’s all okay as long as they’re together. it’s very material, objective possessiveness (and also extremely insane). it isn’t necessarily a problem when sam is mad at him—he doesn’t love it, clearly—but he doesn’t panic until that anger makes sam pull away.

but sam’s dean issue is different. what he needs from dean is immaterial. he needs dean’s love. he needs dean’s respect and devotion and adoration and trust. he needs that so bad. and more than that, he needs to be the center of dean’s world. he needs to be dean’s number one everything. this is because he’s always been dean’s number one everything. sam has spoiled baby sibling syndrome on steroids. the only constant in his life is “dean is obsessed with me dean will take care of me dean will always put me first”.

to be clear this is a layered issue that also has to do with sam’s self worth issues and suicidality, but a massive component in how sam values dean’s love for him is a vicious possessiveness and he HATES anyone who thinks they could have a piece of dean’s heart.

this in my head leads to a really terrifying possessiveness that hinges on how dean thinks about, looks at, and simply exists in the space as other people. it’s also why his possessiveness is more discriminate than dean’s—dean’s is more general, but i think sam’s is more intense when it happens. he isn’t super threatened by people like cassie and lisa (although in my hc i think he struggles more with lisa than we realize and he was a lil weird with cassie). sam doesn’t think just anyone has a chance of earning dean’s genuine attention, but some do (particularly men). the scary thing here is how much sam cares when he decides there’s a threat.

dean panics when it seems like sam is Going To Leave/Die and does what he can to stop this. sam senses when someone or something is destabilizing his brother’s devotion to him and goes batshit crazy (in general death is included in this but that’s not the focus here).

thank you bestie for saying john i LOVE that concept as being the origin for this part of sam. it’s very freudian…loathing one “parent” out of desire for the other. sam took dean’s unwillingness to take his side against john in their childhood hard. like, almost oddly hard even considering context. it’s more than wanting an ally and trusting dean. it’s like he felt this entitlement to dean’s loyalty and having it falter hurt.

john was to an extent, like you said, because sam also loved john and there’s more to the dynamic than who dean “belongs” to (😮‍💨). but the others? the ones you mentioned? nah. sam doesn’t give two fucks about them. the minute they hit his radar as threats to the absolute claim he has over dean’s heartsoulmindbody sam gets scary.

it’s really sexy to me because this is where sam’s incredible, toxic control over himself shows up. it’s kind of my ocd sam concept but this isn’t pathological intrusive thoughts. it’s a genuine want and feeling. but sam is aware of it and puts himself in great restraint to keep it under check. sam wants to be “better” than he is about this and tries so hard to act in opposition to his impulses. gender disparity shows up here: this tends to work better for women than men.

that’s why it’s so cool to keep a close eye on sam and catch those little moments like in that gifset where you double take and it’s like…..😳 you okay there sammy darling because that was a little weird. sam is subtle about it, all clenched teeth and angry eyes and it’s lovely. like i think a lot about what actually went through sam’s head over the cas handprints and cas-as-confidante in general.

sam cannot conceive that anyone else has dean’s attention and care the way he does. dean’s possessiveness of sam comes primarily from a massive abandonment issue. sam’s comes from sheer entitlement: raised on big brother’s devotion and almost nothing else. it’s so sexy ajdhwkfbwodjeonfekbfks. sam is INSANE and i think his brand of possessiveness—that dean loves him best—is so fucked up. it’s almost purer and darker because it doesn’t come from a larger issue—abandonment and parentification like dean—it is its own beast. sam just believes dean is his in this regard, in not just loving dean but being loved BY dean, and FUCK anyone who threatens that.

the unhingement……

it’s also delicious how irrational it is. dean will never love anyone the way he loves sam. he just won’t. and i think sam exists in two states of mind: 1) he knows this and thrives on it, and 2) somehow believes it could be lost. it’s crazy. he can’t get over the dissonance of that. and the thing is, no one will ever actually threaten to replace sam. they can’t.

but sam is too messed up to tell himself that. benny, for instance, was never going to BE sam or best sam at being dean’s brother, no matter how hurt dean got and no matter how good benny was to him. like sammy baby he sold his soul for you. he bargained with death for your own soul. you’ve got him, ball and chain. but dean showing affection for another man? sam said head empty only rage now. sam cannot conceive that dean can have sincere love for him and for someone else.

it’s almost like sam feels dean has this finite amount of love and devotion and affection. it’s a quantity to him and he thinks it’s all his. if dean shows one of these feelings for someone else sam can’t imagine it is its own thing and has nothing to do with sam. sam sees it as having been stolen from him. he’s so unhinged. he’s so so so messed up over dean.

this is also why he visibly likes it when dean asserts his loyalty to sam. like in that gifset. it isn’t just being validated or something, it’s like he takes actual pleasure in dean picking him, over and over and over again. NUTS. baby boy is NUTS. i think he would hurt people dean looks at twice the wrong way if he could. i mean, he was begging for an excuse to kill benny. he wanted it so bad 😫 he did kill gordon; the moment of the killing wasn’t about dean but tell me it’s a coincidence that sam hated him from the start for getting chummy with dean.

any time someone dares think they have sway over dean, you’re right. sam gets so fucking defensive. like even way back when they meet gordon. we focus on the infamous “only he gets to call me that” primarily as reflective of the claim dean has on sam. but i like the context even better. sam is throwing a fucking tantrum over dean enjoying time with gordon. a whole tantrum!! the nickname comment did display that he didn’t want gordon’s familiarity because he is dean’s, and signals the general closeness of their bond.

but imo i think part of sam’s point is displaying the affection dean has for sam. you are no one. you will never be a sammy. you will never get a title like that, no matter how friendly you think you are with dean. don’t use that word because you don’t understand what it means at all. dean loves me a special way no one else could deign to get near. the nickname comment was sam pissing all over dean like an angry wolf tbh, not just a rebuke because he didn’t like gordon.

and that’s the defensive sam pattern we see with everyone else. how dare you presume to think dean could put you above me. how dare you presume to think you could be what dean wants and needs.

like this is what dean is clueing in on in sacrifice. this is why he says “don’t you dare think there is anything past or present i would put in front of you” and it is arguably the clincher for sam.

lastly the sweet thing is that as insane and dangerous as this part of sam is, dean is crazy enough that this meets a real need of his—to feel secure in sam’s commitment to him. it also means that actually dean does want/need sam to reassert his attachment to dean by “protecting” him from people who get too close.

i’m sure sam also sees it as his being uniquely qualified to protect dean because only he understands dean down to his core (dean shares this view of sam). like in that gifset with crowley sam is certainly in a wild possessive/jealous mindset but he is actively protecting and defending dean from actually a legitimate threat to dean’s welfare. where this kind of impulse in any other relationship would be pure red flag if not abuse, it actually meets a need for dean and can manifest into something genuinely protective. samdean is wild i love them.

+ in a little bonus, i think sam prides himself on loving dean best in return. no one will love dean the way he loves dean. it devastates him that dean doesn’t see that just because sam loves differently than dean does in some ways—not less, just different. but dean doesn’t see that, sam’s love as equal to his, and sam probably assumes whenever dean “strays” it’s because he can’t see sam’s love and is seeking it out elsewhere. it’s another possessive point for him, and i think is mirrored exactly in dean. they both feel this way and it’s really messed up: no one will love my brother as much as i do.

crazy boys of my heart 😭