life in the clouds

Bio

_ “I to the world am like a drop of water. That in the ocean seeks another drop, who, falling there to find his fellow forth – unseen, inquisitive – confounds himself.” Elaine recited the quote, her eyes narrowed slightly as she attempted to remember the words. “I’m thankful nobody writes like that anymore, quite honestly,” she huffed. “The man never makes a solid point. He has to dance around it, throw in a few unnecessary words, and then, maybe makes a point or detail known.” Blue eyes rolled slightly, remembering the times that her mother would read different Shakespeare plays to her as a child, and not knowing what the hell was happening. Only memorizing the quotes that she couldn’t comprehend, just so she would remember to further look into them later. “You’re not reading this for fun, are you?”

Raising an eyebrow, impressed with the memorisation, a small laugh left her at the mention of being thankful nobody writes like that anymore. “You and me both. I actually liked English classes, but if I had to deal with that writing all the time? There would have been tears.” Shaking her head at the question, she closed the book in front of her. “Not fun, no. I am however kind of in it, and for some weird reason people don’t like when they go to a play and the actors don’t know their lines. So I’m stuck with memorising it. Don’t think I’ve ever cursed not having a photographic memory as much as I do with his work.”

“I promise to not deny that I was warned far in advance. I won’t have any leg to stand on or complain when the day comes.” Bailey offered, crossing his finger over his chest to mimic a vow. “Hmm, let me get through tonight and I’ll start thinking about the costume that I want. Give you more time to work on it than you had this time around. Any ideas for yourself percolating yet?”

Holding back a laugh, her eyes still shone with amusement watching him. “Oh I have a list of possible costumes that’s already probably a little too long - but hey, I’m set for the next few decades. I can be prepared over the weirdest things - yet somehow misplace my keys every freaking day. Win some, lose some right?”

“It is, but as your mother I still reserve the right to spoil you a little when I want to,” she pointed out. She and Mark had raised these kids well, and Lexie knew that, but no matter how old they all got she’d still want to treat them to things sometimes. “Sometimes I get so wrapped up in everything going on around me and in my head that I forget what my favourite things are, and the things that make me feel good,” she admitted. “I try really hard but it... it’s not always a success.” Lexie smiled. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” She nodded her head. “Yes please. I think that would look great on my dresser.”

“Can you write out things you like and put it somewhere that you’ll always see? Like your car or your bag?” She understood getting so caught up in something that nothing else mattered, despite the fact what you were caught up in wasn’t good for you. Understanding it however, didn’t mean she wanted anyone else to live through that experience. “Or have a person to check in every so often, drag you out somewhere that you love going if they see you getting too caught up.” A more genuine smile appeared on her face at the trophy idea. “In that case, I will search the internet until I find one for you. Maybe even get a spare to put on the fridge.”

“If I’m being honest, I’ve never really had that high of an opinion of myself. I’ve spent my entire life being criticized. I used to be a ballet dancer, you had to be perfect. Then I was a teen mom, and now I’m a surgical intern. It’s easy to criticize the bad while not seeing any of the good, so I always worry that I’m not… That I’m going to do something wrong when it comes to Ayla,” she admitted to the younger girl. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping that on you. But I appreciate everything you’ve said.”

Shaking her head at the apology, she offered Zali a soft smile. “It’s okay, when stuff like that comes out, kind of seems like it’s meant to. Everyone has their limit where they need to rant, and sometimes it’s easier unloading to someone you don’t know well.” Or at least she’d always found it easier sharing with people she wasn’t close to. Sharing the less than pleasant things with her loved ones always felt like burdening them, despite knowing they didn’t feel that way. “For the record? There needs to be an insane talent to be a ballet dancer. It’d take amazing bravery to be a teen mom. And getting far enough to be a surgical intern? All things you should be proud of, no matter what that little voice in your head says.”

_

“Watch it, you little whippersnapper,” Sofia laughed, rolling her eyes. It was a wonder she’d not found any grey hairs yet, especially given how stressful the past few months had been for her. “Sure, Doctor Sofia knows sugar’s bad and carrots are good,” she nodded, “Doctor Sofia supports and believes the bunnies, but she’s not here right now. This is Fun Sofia, they’re two different people. Fun Sofia doesn’t care about anything that involves more than a few seconds of thinking.” Which, was made clear by the messes she’d made recently. “This brain?” Tapping her temple, Sofia giggled, “this brain has a poorly organized storage system.”

“That’s all I want, dude.”

“So fun Sofia hates the bunnies? Sounds kinda Cruella-esque to me.” Tsking while shaking her head, she wondered just how strange they’d seem if someone happened to choose that moment to walk past. At least Sofia would have the excuse of being on the tipsy side, she didn’t have the same saving grace. “You know there’s probably countless self-help books on how to fix that. I mean, they might not actually work - but there is definitely some that would claim they do.” 

“No, but if you happened to break yours, I’d make sure you had a new one fast,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t want you going without when you’re so talented and passionate,” she told her. Lexie looked at Louise with nothing but pride and love as she spoke. As much as she hated that her daughter struggled, it was reassuring when she’d hear things like this from her. She felt less alone. “I love you,” she said, pulling her in for a tight hug. “You’re right, the whispers and the looks and the rumours are awful. But I’m glad I have you, and the rest of the family. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she told her honestly. Pulling away, Lexie looked down at her costume and then back to Louise. “Cute, but I think it means I’m winning Halloween since I managed to do cute and scary.”

“Thank you, but isn’t the good part about getting us to where we can earn our money, that you don’t have to buy things for us anymore?” The words in jest, even if it was generally her view point. At least when it came to things she did have the money to buy herself. “Love you too.” It didn’t seem like too long ago where she’d protest public hugs, it seemed impossible to even feign complaining in that moment. “I had this dumb system, for every whisper or rumour I heard, I’d do something that made me happy. Nothing big, just watch my favourite show, listen to my favourite song, watch cute pet videos - try and make something that felt bad into something that felt good. Made it a little better until people got bored and moved on.” Part of her hoped out of high school people would move on a lot quicker, but it didn’t sound like that was the case. “Guess it’s a good thing you taught us to always be there for each other, think you’re kinda stuck having us around.” A giggle left her at the words, standing in stark contrast the softness in her tone before. “Want me to get you a ‘won Halloween’ award? Sure it wouldn’t be too hard to find one online.” 

He chuckled softly and shook his head. “I’m in it. I’ll just cash in for another costume that year and we’ll call it even. I’ll be the muscle and make sure everything ends up where you want it to be. I think we could make a good team given the opportunity.” Bailey expressed, not wanting to back out. The only way he’d back out was if there was something that he absolutely couldn’t get out of in the future. “We’ll just make sure we order everything that needs to be color coordinated much earlier so we can have it all be right.” 

“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. A costume’s probably the least I’ll owe you in the end.” Scrunching her nose up as she finished. She may have been exaggerating a little, but she was always her own biggest critic, and nothing was ever perfect to her. “Got any future costume ideas? Or would you like me to get my drawing board out when the time comes?”

“that’s true. i will be thankful for that much.” he laughed and then looked around the room, before turning back to his sister. “i do love free food and drinks, so i should stop complaining!” he said taking another cookie off the table and then laughing. “lou- i would never call you horrible company. trust me, you’re good company.” 

laughing softly when he mentioned loving free food, she threw her hands out slightly. “see? you just need to find a silver lining to things to make them all better. but don’t worry - if you can’t come up with one, i am a resident silver lining finder. it’s my official title.” placing her hand over her heart at the end, as though it was something serious. “don’t worry, i know i’m great company - the greatest really, just don’t fact check that, some people might disagree.” 

_

“Might as well not even show up,” Elaine responded simply, shoulders shrugging. “I mean, I’d happily not show up if that was something I could do. I’d rather be.. just about anywhere else, but here I am.” And, not to inflate her own ego, but Elaine was doing the minimal effort part damn well, at least in her eyes. “Really? It’s one of my favorite hobbies.” The sentence was nothing but truth, and Elaine smiled at the thought of mocking half of the people in the room. “She looks pretty,” she nodded her head, “but she’s a pain in the ass.”

Tilting her head to the side, her eyes narrowed slightly as she looked at the older woman. “Are you sure you have Disney Villain energy? Because I’m not picking that up.” Of course, she always strived to see the best in people - but she’d ran into people who were far more rude to her than Elaine was being that night. A surge of protectiveness hit her at the comment about her sister, an aversion of confrontation coupled with not wanting to insult her family’s coworkers made her shrug. “You’d probably be an ass too if you had to deal with a bunch of annoying siblings. She started off an only child - getting a bunch of crazy siblings was bound to drive anyone to be a little annoying.” 

.

“You would certainly think so. But I guess they had other things that they wanted to focus on; things they deemed more important. Or perhaps the sisters just have a magical way of always looking on point.” Carlin mused. “Oh, yeah. I had a fun time doing it for the most part. But not enough to really want to do it again. I’m glad I had the experience and that I can say that I’ve tried, but I wouldn’t seek it out again. For me, the thing that I really loved but was never really good at was painting. I really just can never seem to get it right. But it doesn’t stop me from trying.” She admitted with a smile. “Basketball is a good choice. It wasn’t my favorite sport, but a good one nonetheless.”

“I did theorise a magical way of always looking on point... but then I got kind of jealous about that idea. Just think - a way to always make sure your outfit remains wrinkle and stain free forever. It’s my idea of heaven.” Making her tone dreamy as she finished speaking, she eventually shook her head at her own dramatics. “You know the best thing about painting? They’re all subjective, you can always say it’s meant to look like that. And there’s that thing about hating your own work, because you spend so long staring at it, you can’t see the beauty in it. Like when people are writing novels, and they read over it so often the story is engrained in their mind, so they think it’s boring, which is....” Catching herself before she could ramble any further, she offered Carlin a meek smile in apology. “But even if it doesn’t ‘go right’, I think you enjoying it makes it plenty right. Honestly? Not a sport girl in general. Swimming’s cool, but that’s about it for me other than basketball.” 

.

“Well when those very specific situations arise, you make use of those smarts and blow me away. That’s for sure.” Bailey said, not exaggerating at all. He’d always felt that when people found what they were passionate about, and pursued it even in a small way, it made a huge difference for them and the people around them. “Well, if you need any help for your huge Halloween bash, you just let me know. Because I know it’s going to be the best party ever.” He would have rubbed at his face in exasperation if he had the ability to do so without ruining the beautiful work done by the person in front of him. “Well, I guess little me should have known that. Such a shame I can’t go back and do it all again.” He nodded firmly at her words. “Exactly. Especially when it can be so easy to get distracted by the dark.”

“Are you sure you want to offer to help me set-up a party? I’ll give you a free pass to back-out now, because I can put Monica Geller to shame when I get caught up in something. I’m not saying there would be shouting - but there may be a little bossing around, or being on the verge of tears if someone shows up with the slightly wrong colour of napkin.” She truly wished she could call it hyperbolic, but she’d always found comfort in somewhat odd places. Lucky charms, old stuffed animals - and the older she got, having everything match a colour scheme. Having everything look coherent calmed her when nothing else would, and despite most people not noticing when something insignificant wasn’t right - she always did. “Hey, you can’t be smart in every way right? Had to have flaws somewhere, or you’d just set an impossible to reach standard for the rest of us.”  

“You’re probably right about that,” Zali agreed. “Not that it makes it okay, but it is a bit of a vicious cycle,” she said. “I hope you don’t let it get you down, just embrace the fact that you look incredible and screw anyone who feels the need to be a dick,” she added. “She’s always so sure of what she wants, and I admire that about her. It’s everything from clothes, what she wants to do, all of it. I’m not sure where she learned it from but I’m glad she’s so sure of everything.” 

“It’s only your opinion of yourself that counts right?” A line she’d heard multiple times over the years, one that despite how confident she’d been saying it, was something she’d never been able to take to heart. she’d always been a desperate people pleaser, but that wasn’t exactly casual conversation. “Well... You’d have to be half responsible, wouldn’t you? I think you should get to take at least some credit for raising her to know what she wants, and how to go after it. People seem to have this weird thing with parents, where they’ll blame them for kids mistakes, but not offer praise when the kid turns out well - so you deserve to get the credit,” 

“I don’t recommend doing that. Those machines can get pricey, especially the higher in quality you get,” she said. “So I’m glad there was so sewing machine murders.” Lexie shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m having fun, I’m just… adjusting again, I guess. Going from a lot of quiet to this is a big change.”

"You don’t think I’d get away with stealing one from somewhere if mine broke? Huh... The more you know.” Fixing her hair so it’d sit better, her eyes flickered back over at the answer. All in, it was the best answer she should have expected - that didn’t stop her from wishing there was a magical way to make everything better, or at least let them trade places so Lexie didn’t have to deal with it. “I know it’s not exactly the same - especially because treatment forced us to talk so much it’d never be quiet.” a horrid time to joke, but an effort to ease the rest of the mood. “When I came home after I got the okay from doctors and therapists, it was still... weird. Going from having so much structure in your day, to handling it alone. Hearing the little whispers and rumours behind your back - it all... well sucked. I think you showing up here took a pretty decent amount of bravery, and you’re definitely owed a little fun. But I know what helped me most was all of you, kind of seems fair to return it when you’re going to need people.” Shifting slightly as she glanced around the room, she gestured at the costume. “There is one question I need to ask though - were you going for cute or terrifying? Because fish related costumes are in the scary category for me. Except babies dressed up as sharks.” 

_

“One of those chairs that stands you up would be great,” Sofia spoke quickly, nodding her head with confidence. Scrunching her nose, Sofia hummed. “Not sold on the carrots. I’ve been drinking plenty of sugary drinks tonight, probably consumed enough food dye to, like, take out my insides too. But it’s been a blast. Carrots are alright, but they wouldn’t have been as fun,” she grinned. “And I’d pay plenty of money to hear your voice, Lou, truly. Just, mayhaps, not during my designated sleeping time when I’m not on night shifts.” Humming softly, Sofia tapped her chin to think. “It’s been a minute since I’ve seen it, and I’m a few drinks in, so it’s requiring a lot of thinking,” she giggled, “Anna’s more Heather Duke, and that leaves.. the other one,” whose name had slipped the brunette’s tipsy mind. “So probably that one, right?”

Brows raised, “you don’t even have to ask me twice to wear matching sweaters with him. It’s all I want, honestly.”

“What about some hair dye? You know... to cover the grey...”  Gesturing towards Sofia’s head, as though there was something that needed covering. Frowning at the next words, she shook her head. “Aren’t you meant to be a doctor? Shouldn’t you know rule number one is sugar is bad. An actual devil. Carrots on the other hand are perfectly good for you, and in no way risk your health - and bunnies like them, are you calling the bunnies wrong?” Of course Sofia wasn’t the only one indulging in a little sugar, it seemed like Louise was the only one avoiding the treat table - but she didn’t have to say that. “How... How do you remember Heather Duke, but not the mythic bitch herself Ms.Heather Chandler?” The words almost aghast, as she shook her head. 

“What if I make the most ridiculously cheesy matching costumes?”

“Have you seen the people I work with? I have those months every month.” She was only half-joking, but the other doctors at the hospital definitely seemed to know just what to say or do to make her lose her mind nearly every day. Being the chief of surgery was not all it was cracked up to be; except for the pay - that part was pretty nice. “That’s true. I’m pretty sure I saw him walking around here somewhere. You did an amazing job on that costume, kiddo. You ever consider going into that sort of thing as a job? Bet you’d make millions doing it.” That was probably a generous estimation, but the surgeon was also very inebriated. “Exactly. You have to watch it once - every Halloween. Hmm, as much as I like them all, I think Winifred is my favorite.”

Biting her lip to hold back a laugh at the words, she gave a small shrug in response. “In that case.. Any tips on how to deal with those months?” Scrunching her nose up as she spoke, to make it obvious she didn’t actually expect an answer. “No, this is a hobby. I plan to make my millions on stage.” Of course, she never expected to make that much, but she didn’t need to point that out when it seemed like she wasn’t exactly the most sober. “I do love Winifred, I can see you pulling her off actually. Needs that kind of ‘I’m awesome and I know it” attitude.”