Survive

Thanks Louis. I guess I’m just shaken because this is so final, you know? After these exams, I’m done. I’ll be graduating and gone from this place. And that is terrifying. I’m scared and I guess deep down, I don’t want to pass so I can stay. That’s pretty dumb huh? That’s sweet, Louis, but that’s not why I couldn’t do it. I would never let my studies interfere with my ability to conjure a Patronus. It was… something else. 

No it’s not. Even if I’m in 5th grade, I am scared for last year in Hogwarts. I can’t imagine how this is hard for you and others. You must feel empty, after all these years at Hogwarts, the idea of leaving it is totally scary. But this is the point where you start a new life. No matter how scary it is, you know that it's going to happen, and after that, time will pass by quickly.   Molly, you know how hard it is to conjure a patronus. Don’t let this get you down. 

[Seeing Louis smile put Lorcan’s mind at ease, made him smile back. That was how it had always worked, Lorcan would get anxious and Louis could sense that so he’d immediately put a smile on his face wanting to see one on Lorcan’s, like Lorcan was his reflection in mirror.] I can. Do you realize that just now? But wait, I – I didn’t mean to say such things, I was actually being serious. [The path seemed longer than it normally was to Lorcan, he could hear their own foots tapping the ground. Louis’ unexpected mood swings during their walk was worrying.] Oh, okay then. You have my undivided attention. I’m listening. [Lorcan led the way to the river bank, and they sat on the closest bench without talking for a while.]

Soo.. [Okay, what was he going to say, again? He forgot all the things he had made up in his mind. Perfect, he thought. He had to think again to find right words to explain his feelings. But it was hard, harder than all of his exams. That was the moment that he realized not everything was about exams, and that was the moment that he realized if he took out the studies, nothing was left. Except, Lorcan. There was two things that described him perfectly. Being clever and Lorcan. That was all about him.] You must have already realized this if you are not stupid but.. Well, I know I’m always teasing you, but I never said what I feel about you properly. We’ve been friends since like from the beginning and honestly I have no idea that what would I do without you. You are my best friend, but not just best friend. You are special to me, apart from everyone. I have this weird feeling when I’m around you. And I always tried to cover it with teasing you. I realized that was so stupid, I thought it would destroy our friendship if I told you this. But nothing can destroy it. If you don’t feel the way I feel about you, that is okay. We’ll just pretend that this talk is never happened. But if  it is the other way around, I can tell you rightly that I love you. [That was crazy, he was even sure that he blushed, feeling already ashamed was bad for him. And waiting Lorcan’s answer, it was deathlike. But on the other side, he felt relieved. There was no hiding things anymore. At least, Lorcan would know how Louis felt about him. Not taking his eyes away, Louis kept looking at Lorcan straightly. Analyzing his mimics to understand what Lorcan was thinking.]

That’s still spying... Are you planning to steal them or something?

[They were both walking to the lake with their heads down, quietly. Lorcan couldn’t comprehend the fact that Louis looked tense, he wasn’t guilty, Lorcan was, so what was that all about? But, then a few awkward minutes later Louis started talking and Lorcan was determined to face the accusation.] No. That was the first time I had ever laid hands on one of your books. And I had no intention of stalking. [Lorcan’s face was still. Though, he was burning up inside while cursing himself even for getting near the bookshelf. He regretted seeing the golden covered book and taking it, what if it was something personal? What if that was the reason why Louis had always kept it only for himself?] Well, I’m sorry but again I’m not a stalker or anything. I highly doubt you don’t have a diary, blogger boy.

[One of the things Louis liked about Lorcan was Lorcan’s habit of taking things seriously or answer them in a serious manner. Right now, that was happening, Louis couldn’t keep himself from smiling. It was adoable whenLorcan defend himself and opposite Louis. ] So, you can sometimes say funny things. [He smirked again and patted Lorcan’s shoulder. As they were getting close to lake, that funny  atmosphere was fading as well. Knowing that serious things was going to happen, he sighed and looked at Lorcan.] Okay, just don’t worry about that book.  I’m going to talk about something else and I just want you to listen me carefully because I don’t think I’m going to say that for twice. 

[Lorcan looked away, then a few seconds later he decided that was quite weird so he turnt to Louis again. He was sure Louis had seen the book, but he didn’t punch Lorcan in the face so he got a bit confused by this unforeseen inaction of Louis’. Could they go somewhere else?  Did that have something to do with the punching part? Lorcan wasn’t sure but he nodded.]  We can go, wherever you are comfortable at. Yeah, I see. [Of course it was important, Lorcan was holding one of the dearest books of his, Lorcan decided he’d bear the consequences regardless.] Lake sounds good, It’s cool.

[Lorcan was clueless, well that wasn’t something Louis hadn’t expected. As they were walking to the lake, Louis wanted to break the silence and talk about something else in the meantime. It took him for a minute to find something to speak of.] So this is what you are doing when I’m not around? Creepy stalker. [He smirked a little, he was aware of that Lorcan got scared when he saw him with his book. Making fun of it wasn’t in the plan, but Louis couldn’t keep himself.] Just for the record, I don’t have a diary or something like that. If you want to stalk me, just talk with me. I know I’m irresistible but stalking is not nice.

[It was crazy how easily Lorcan could get bored when Louis was not around. When he was out, Lorcan could find nothing to do and he would just sit on his bunk and stare at blank walls. That was creepy for him, wasting his time, so later on he’d find a book and curl up somewhere with the relief of finding a companion. Today was no different for Lorcan, except the book he picked was not his, he borrowed it, even though the owner hadn’t permitted him to do so. Lorcan would never do such thing, if the book wasn’t Louis’. He felt a little guilty but he was curious because Louis always had held his books sacred and hardly ever lent them to anyone. Lorcan slowly walked to Louis’ corner and gazed at the bookshelf, a shimmery golden covered book caught his eye, he got the book without hesitation. When he was making his way back to his bunk, he heard the door squeaking and then he froze when he saw it was Louis. He couldn’t even hide the book, but Louis didn’t seem to care at all with that determined look on his face. He started talking with the first step he took.] Oh, we, uh – we can talk, I guess.

[Realizing that he was holding his book, Louis squinted at him. It was kind of funny to catch him like that. If he didn’t have a super important thing to talk about, he would definitely make fun of that, but it wasn’t the right time. He cleared his throat and looked at him once again.] Can we go somewhere else? It’s kind of important. [Well, It was very important indeed. Before coming there, Louis felt so confident about saying things he had been feeling. But being in front of him and knowing the fact that they’d start a conversation about it, he was already willing to cancel it and keep the things like how they used to be.But it was too late. Trying to remind the possibilities, he started to talk again.] We can go to the lake or wherever you want. I don’t know. 

WE DID IT!

Gotta admit that you were awesome Lily. Congrats, but don’t celebrate it too much, I’m pretty sure Dom is going to talk about it for years. 

For anyone wondering,

It’s good that you’ve came back as well, I’m pretty sure your speech will be awesome. And also sure that you’ll pass your exams. I know how you worked hard for this and even if you hadn’t it’s a common fact that you are very clever. Keep calm Molly, maybe it was because you were preoccupied with your speech and studies.

Even though it’s Monday

Are you okay though? You look kind of sad.

You will be mine…

I swear it wasn’t me! Wait. You said she. Okay. Good. 

You wouldn’t look at me like you saw Joker, that’s for sure.

It’s about time. Everyone’s been asking me about you like I had any idea- you wake up and disappear so early that I don’t even think you come to the dorms to sleep. Mental. Just mental.

I know you miss me Lorc, but don’t worry no more going to library early in the morning. And god, I must admit that ignoring people and just study for a long time was the worse decision I’ve ever made. 

It’s great to see you alive and well, at least. 

It’s great to see you too! We haven’t been talking since ages. 

…Which Ravenclaw student was it?

First year, Melanie. 

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.