Hello

THANK YOU DON’T MIND IF I DO

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

dogs are right about doorbells. a doorbell ringing is a THREAT and should be met with an appropriate aggression display

when fictional creatures are characterized as having superhuman agility (e.g. some versions of vampires) i think they should also canonically have flabby skin. "this species has catlike predator traits" ok now give it catlike baggy skin for flexibility. make its tummy jiggle like a slinky

"this is the primordial pouch of a killer, Bella"

there's a special place in my heart for people who made an effort to be my friend regardless of how quiet or distant i can get at times

sorry boss i can’t come in to work today. yeah noah kahan’s new album is out and i’m experiencing the full range of human emotions for the first time in months. yeah it’s gonna be all day

Not only did mama raise a quitter, but she also raised a procrastinator, people-pleaser, doormat, coward, and liar, and you can’t put a price on that

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved