At the risk of sounding moldy and insane, I will say that, in all my years of living, I have never–
–accidentally happened to get multiple sets of complementary tattoos with my best mate who I’m constantly rumoured to be in a relationship with.
–gone to an Ed Sheeran concert in Manchester with my best mate and, years later, written a romantic song that said “we saw Ed in Manchester, I held you while he played; every time I hear his songs, it takes me to that place.”
–dressed up as a character from my best mate’s favourite movie – a character he played in school; a role he loved so much he still has the jacket from it – while singing his favourite song from the same movie that says “hopelessly devoted to you.”
–written a song with the lyrics “when I’m with you, I’m so much happier; nights like this, we’ll remember those songs we wrote." when none of my girlfriends were songwriters, but my best mate is a damn good one.
–had to hide the fact that I lived with said best mate, and had to make up a very inconsistent story about sleeping in attics and friends’ couches. while still slipping up and trying to shade it.
–posted a picture for my best mate’s birthday where I’m jumping out of a cake, naked, as a surprise for him.
–bitten bruising love bites into said friend’s neck from behind (very platonically)
–spoken about “meeting the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with” at 18, when I only met my long term girlfriend a few months shy of turning 20. guess who I met at 18
–ALWAYS looked at my best mate like the sun shines out of his ass
–been obsessed with things that have the same name as my best mate. like, really obsessed.
–just happened to share clothes with my old band mate/best mate with whom I haven’t been seen publicly in years, who still denies those relationship rumours like clockwork.
–referenced said bandmate in multiple songs while still keeping a cover of plausible deniability, because the last time I made it obvious, I had to lie, and stuttered so badly it became a joke.
–liked a romantic reel about the way my ‘best mate’ looked at me (10 years ago) with the audio “if the world was ending, I’d wanna be next to you.” then worn a ‘hopeless romantic’ shirt the next day to a place where said best mate was flaunting his legs in gay ass shorts.
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