angel

(ns/fw+kink) ..

..☆..

20 something y.o, they/them ..

I don't mind to be with any gender,

I'm whatever, not this or that, just all over the place ..

some stuff you might find here : daddy/little, mommy/little, cg/l, omorashi, diapers, age pl@y, and other stuff, so if you not comfortable with that, then this is your warning ..

rules : don't send me anything sexual, or try to sext, I will block you right away ..

don't lie to me you fake shallow people ..

don't ask me for pics, I won't send and I won't tell you where I live ..

I'm not looking for any relationship at the moment, neither anything sexual, you're free to talk to me about casual things, or to be just a friend ..

I take awhile to reply, I have work, I have my own life and mental health issues, and also neurodivergent .. if you get mad at me for replying late, then we really don't have to talk ..

I get happy and all those silly feelings when people give me some ..

many I talked to, many tried to have a relationship with, I worked hard, I still think a lot, there's an empty hole inside my chest, it's like nothing I do can fill it .. no one I've got close to can fill it .. it always turns to me desperately trying to hold on to whatever I can have while it's still there ..

I might be cursed in a way, it always has to be something complicated and I try so hard to understand what's going on ..

I really just wanted love that feels real and like it will last .. but it never last and I can't believe anything will last, it's always like this with me .. it's just has to be taken away from me ..

I try to be good, I try to show that I care, I try to be patient ..

I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel or do ..

it's like there's something wrong and sad about me .. I want to cry, but I pretend like I'm brave instead, like I'm normal and don't care ..

but I care so much, and that's what makes me sick ..

I feel sick and dumb and childish and scared and small ..

and like everyone want to take that innocent away ..

I'm so small and scared inside, I just pretend like I'm not ..

world and men and people's eyes and loud noises and making choices and talking to men irl and having big feelings .. all just scary but I have to do it .. I have to pretend that it doesn't makes me nervous .. that I'm not scared, that I'm normal like other people, I give normal excuses .. I act like it doesn't bother me but I want to punch a wall and get mad and scream about how I truly feel ..

I'm scared, shaking always, heart beating fast and avoiding looking at people eyes ..

but I have to act like it's okay ..

I want to hide and I want to be held and I don't want to be seen like a sexual thing ..

I'm innocent and pure and I want love and to give love and be myself and be accepted as I'm and to be childish and babyish and for someone to be there to make me feel safe and okay and like I can rely on them and they won't leave ..

I really hate when people leave ..

and I do so much because I don't want to lose people and try to be really careful and show that I care ..

I care so much ..

but do you even care about me that much ?

do you feel as big and deep as me ?

can I feel so safe and completely myself around you ?

can I be a child again ? can I stop thinking and worrying because it's gonna be okay and you will take care of it if it goes wrong ?

can I just love without all those complicated things ?

my love and care isn't bad .. it's not sexual ..

I'm still a child ..

why you can't see that ?

why you can't see what I truly want or need ?

it's so obvious but you're so blind ..

you're so blind ..

and I'm sick and nervous and anxious and overthinking ..

how can you leave me like this ? why you can't be here for me ? why you can't just hold me and tell me all will be okay ?

why you can't be my home ?

like safety ..

it makes me so sad .. I'm so sad ..

I just wanted to feel cared and loved in that way ..

it makes me feel lonely ..

it just hurts .. it hurts a lot ..

..

I'm just scared, I don't want to lose you .. I don't want you to be gone .. for all this to turn to be just memories that we no longer can live it ..

no longer ours ..