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What a year March has been

it’s still march???

My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.

It reminds me of my Russian boss at the bakery. I didn’t wrap the bread correctly so she told me to “Snuggle like baby. Bread is your baby, Shelly. It’s sweet and gentle. Fragile, Italian.”

I think about this a lot.

I'll do it for you, creamy

The song hallelujah always makes me cry but it also makes me think of Shrek???

another Same Energy: so ive asked my family to refer to me as they/them bc im nb, and a few times ive corrected my cousins when theyve misgendered me. and so when my little cousins were playing superheroes, one of them said i could be supergirl, and my four year old cousin immediately pipes in with “but sams not a girl” and then, after a bit of thought, “you can be superthey!”

Theydies and gentlethem

I love this

I have made a lot of bad jokes but this is still probably my greatest hit

I’m on mobile and I just thought the image kept messing up

Aesthetics

My nephew likes to play McDonald's, which is what you'd expect it to be. He says, "Welcome to McDonald's. How may I help you?" After you order, he says, "Okay, coming right up," and pretends to give you your food. He has another game called "Silly McDonald's," which is the same thing, except no matter what you order, he says, "Here's your cold hamburger."

I know I'm biased, but he's a comedic genius, as far as I'm concerned.

The last time I saw him, he said, "Let's play McDonald's," so I assumed it was regular McDonald's. But then he hit me with a cold hamburger. It was Silly McDonald's the whole time. I got played.