Personal Chaos

“A martini please” She batted her eyelashes enjoying running up a tab that was going to be paid for by someone else. After some research, she was happy to find that Tommy Shelby would be attending this club, and the stars aligned in her favor as her husband was tied up at a work thing. Normally he was gone for most of the night and even if he got home early, his feelings were soon to be irrelevant to her. 

Grace wanted two things. Tommy Shelby, and his children. Her current marriage had proved that there was only one man for her and he was a half hour late to this club. She could get whatever she wanted with him now, whispers of his name and accomplishments were reaching as far as America. He was slowly taking over like she knew he would deep down. 

Now all she needed was a baby and her spot next to him would be cemented. This wasn't going to be a difficult task knowing how broken he was when she found him, he was unlikely to be recovered from her departure from his life. 

In this red dress, he was bound to be all over her. She took a large sip of her martini. 

A large group entered the club and she knew immediately that it must be the Shelbys. They never did classy as well as they thought they did. 

She sat looking at her drink on the bar, she wanted him to find her.

There were lots of laughs and cheers over the music. Arthur came over and asked the bartender for bottles of whiskey for the table. 

“Big celebration tonight, boy!” He boomed completely oblivious to her presence. He took the bottles out of view and she wondered what they were so happy about. 

The night dragged on and finally, she allowed herself a peak at the corner of the club. It was dim and the music was loud but still, she could see him there with a woman tucked under his arm. 

He was leaning back with a cigarette in his hand, the other resting on your shoulder. You weren't anything remarkable. Looking at John’s wife sitting next to you it was obvious the woman helped you with your makeup. Your dress was nice but not anything like hers. Certainly too plain for such a club or event. 

Pathetic. 

Tommy would notice soon enough and make his way over. Then she would have the pleasure of watching you crumble under the unavoidable weight of his lack of loyalty. She gave a coy smile at the thought and lit a cigarette. 

You weren't a threat in the slightest so she turned to face the family, leaning back on the bar. She kept her posture loose and inviting, waiting for his eyes to find her. 

Instead, he let out a laugh at something you’d said. He pulled your face close to his and placed a kiss to the top of your head. Esme picked up your hand and was whispering something to you that made your cheeks go crimson. Obviously, you’d embarrassed yourself so badly that even Tommy was laughing at the girl.

You shook your head and then Esme was pulling you out of your booth and onto the dance floor. She watched with curiosity. Why would you dance with her and not Tommy? 

You both laughed loudly as you danced around in the crowd. You both looked ridiculous but Tommy had his gaze on you as he and John talked about something. After the song ended you both piled into the table. Climbing back into the booth, Tommy’s hands prevented you from moving past him. Keeping you there on his lap. 

Tommy raised the bottle. 

“To the world's best accountant!” He said loudly and the family let out a big cheer. 

You and Esme were clearly drunk as the woman poured whiskey into your open mouth right from the bottle. More laughs erupted. 

She’d had enough waiting but that’s when Polly caught her eye. The woman stared at her with a cocky glare that put her off. The only way to get Tommy’s attention would be to go over there and talk to him. Clearly, he hadn’t seen her sitting here. 

Polly turned her attention to Tommy and mouthed her name. She watched to see his body language change. The way you would slip from his grasp. How he would walk over here and leave with her on his arm. 

But he didn't move. His eyes went back to your face listening to what sounded like a story about an exam. Just waiting for the story to be over, then he would come. 

Time dragged on, another martini. 

You got up from his lap and he stood up, his hand finding your low back and guiding you toward the balconies. This would be as good as it gets. 

Grace got up from the bar and made her way to the balcony. 

_________________________________________________________

You stood there looking up at Tommy, his eyes were so proud. Weeks of studying and worrying and yet you passed all your university classes. You delighted in his attention as the cold air wrapped around you. 

The balcony door opened to show, who Esme had whispered was Tommy’s Ex. Pale yellow hair, and a glossy red dress. She was older than you in more ways than one. She looked like she was carrying a great burden. 

“Tommy can we talk.” Her Irish accent was soft and her words thick with sadness. You almost felt sorry for her, you would have if she hadn't betrayed the family and fucked Tommy up so badly. 

“Sure.” He said cooly, his hand on your waist tightened to keep you in place at his side.

“Alone?” 

“Nah, she’s my better half. What can we help you with?” 

“I’ll be in London for a while. I thought maybe we could talk about what happened, things are complicated right now -” She let her words trail off and you knew in your gut this was some type of act. 

“I would invite you for dinner but we’re leaving on a trip tomorrow. Such bad timing.” You said politely. She never looked at you, even when you spoke. Her eyes were fixated on him in a way that made you want to throw her over the balcony. 

“Pity,” Tommy said. “Enjoy your time in London.” 

She looked even more defeated, a large contrast to the glare she was giving you from across the club all night. She handed Tommy a piece of paper before leaving, giving him a nod. 

“The fuck was that about?” you whispered. You took the paper and opened it. All it had was her accommodations in London. 

“Ah.” She expected him to drop me off at home before falling back into her arms. 

“Do I need to worry?” You said in a coy tone. 

“Not in the slightest.” He said pulling you into an embrace. Esme and John came out with eyes full of questions. You gave the paper to Esme. 

“What is she expecting a foursome?” She made a sound of disgust before crumpling the paper and leaving it in the ashtray. 

You woke up and looked out the window at the dreary day. You weren't surprised to see that Tommy had already gotten up. He was rarely in bed these days, something that was becoming increasingly irritating after finding out you were pregnant.

You knew that Tommy was busy trying to sort things out before the little one was born, but you were very bored being cooped up in the house. It was for your safety with some sort of trouble happening, but you missed being around everyone. Esme had to stay home with the kids and Ada was to stay put in London.

You were reading and had learnt how to knit, you watched the chef cook dinner every night just for something to do. Today was going to be another repeat but at least they were preparing fish for dinner, something you haven't learnt yet. You got dressed for a walk when Tommy came back into the room.

Immediately you moved toward him alarmed, the only reason he’d be home is if something was very wrong.

“Tommy what's wrong?” He wrapped you in his arms and kissed your forehead.

“Let's go away for the night. Just the two of us out in the woods.” You calmed down at his relaxed tone.

“Are you killing me off?” You looked up at him with mock fright. He missed the joke looking slightly confused. “ I'm joking, love.” You kissed him, he relaxed, running his hands along your torso.

“There was some trouble this morning and it should be settled but I’d feel better if we went away for a couple days.” You could hear the weariness in his tone, he looked exhausted.

“Out to the fort then?” He nodded. He had a caravan stashed somewhere in the woods that surrounded the house. You could maybe find it out there on your own, as he kept it well hidden. You were the only other person who knew of its existence.

He helped you pack and while you knew that there was something bigger going on, you trusted him enough to relax into the domestic feeling that surrounded you. You would ask him for the truth, but a night out of the house sounded too nice to ruin right away.

You both bickered back and forth and at one point you almost got a smile out of him. Once the horses were loaded up he helped you up onto your horse. Codrin was a massive black horse, you’d picked him out last season and had become very attached to him. He was one of the few things at Arrow House that kept you sane.

The journey was beautiful. Fall had blown through the forest, it surrounded you in a sea of oranges, reds and green. You were thoroughly bundled up with a thick wool blanket pinned on top of your coat preventing the chill of the season from reaching you or the little one in your tummy.

The two of you let conversation flow easily, letting it fall into comfortable silence at times. One thing you enjoyed about your relationship with Tommy is it was effortless to be around him. He didn't bore you, or constantly chatter on about stuff tiring you. Silence didn't make him uneasy, and he didn't mind if you were upset or not always composed.

Suddenly Codrin startled and you tried to pull the reins and tell him to calm down, before the commands could make it out of your mouth you were sliding off his back as he reared his front legs. You fell into a wet carpet of leaves, grateful that it was a soft landing. Tommy had tried to grab you from his horse, but had just missed you. He was off his horse and over to you in a second. You heard him shouting but was too started to really pay attention to what he was saying. His hands grabbed your arms, his worried eyes looking you over.

“Are you alright?” You looked up at him and nodded.

“I'm alright, it was a soft landing.” He helped you up and brushed the leaves off of you. His hand rested on your low back and he pushed lightly then moved down to your bottom.

“Really, right now?” You asked in an amused tone.

“Does it hurt?” He asked in an unimpressed tone. Clearly he wasn't satisfied.

“Tommy, really, I'm alright. It was probably just a snake.” Just as you said it a very sheepish looking horse came into view pushing his snout against your belly. You ran your hands through his coat.

“You're forgiven, you big beast.” He snorted in response. Tommy watched the situation closely.

“We should switch. I can't have you flying off horses with a baby in your stomach.”

You only laughed.

“It's fine. I’ll keep a closer eye out, plus we're almost there.” Tommy looked at you for a moment before nodding and helping you back up.

And as you’d predicted another ten minutes passed and you had arrived. You climbed down and were about to handle the horses when Tommy guided you to a dry chair he’d pulled out from undercover.

“Sit. Just sit.” If his eyes weren't so tormented you would have argued. Instead you sat there accepting a snack and watched him start a fire. “Most important job, keep the fire going while I set up.” You took the iron poker from him and watched him dash around. By the time he was finished the sky was getting dark and you had gotten dinner sorted on the pan while he wasn't looking.

Eventually he sat down next to you eyeing the contents of the pan curiously.

“I’m learning how to cook.” You announced and he took a long pull of whiskey to avoid answering. You laughed, you could cook basic stuff somewhat decently. Basic stuff was limited to eggs on toast and potatoes. Something your parents felt very poorly about when Tommy had started pursuing you. Basic wifely qualities were not something you’d picked up over the years as everyone had hoped. It was your loud mouth, sense of humor, and ability to finish a bottle of whiskey that drew him to you. That and you were more than happy to look the other way on most of his choices so long as you were included and they fit your morals. Cooking and cleaning were not on the list of desired qualities as he had a dozen maids tending to everything anyway.

Eventually it was finished and he accepted his portion with polite enthusiasm, showing he had some sense of self preservation. He took a bite and you watched him closely while surprise washed over his face.

“This is actually good.” he said before he thought better of it.

“That’s because I’m getting better” You smiled at him, letting him off easy. The night was cold but the fire and whiskey kept you warm. You both told stories and at one point you sang him a song.

“Tommy” you asked quietly after a long silence.

“Yes, love?”

“Why are we out here?” You finally figured it was time to ask. He thought about his answer for a long moment, making your stomach turn slightly.

“Francis caught you crying the other morning. Polly told me she thought you were going to snap after talking to you on the phone yesterday. That and you’ve managed to make us a family sweater set for Christmas. I had to stop before you started on Easter.”

“You took me out here... for me?” You were shocked. He grabbed your hand and ran his thumb across your knuckles.

“Yeah. I can’t have you out and about just yet, but I also remember what it was like the last time I was cooped up in that house.”

You thought back to what people had told you he was like when Grace had died.

“Well I’m not about to do that to you. Or the baby so don't worry about me.” You squeezed his hand.

“I like worrying about you though.” He looked over at you, his face illuminated by the fire. It was nice to see him actually relaxed.

“Oh really?” You said in a flirty tone. “What exactly do you worry about then?”

“Maybe I should show you?” He cocked an eyebrow taking a drag from his Cigarette.

“I’d like that.” You responded and he put the cigarette open and helped you up.

You tried to kiss him once he got you inside but he only sat you down on the edge of the bed. You looked at him curiously as he pulled your clothes off looking you over for bruises from your fall.

“Anything out of place then?” You asked him amused.