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@loohconrado
mantises

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i think im getting better! :) [another event occurs]
Revisiting characters from a sapphic fantasy I wrote years ago

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Hey so I know we All Know This but I will NEVER be over a character being feverish and delirious and making No sense. I will never be over a glittery-eyed, shivering, distressed character weakly gripping another's arm and asking them questions they don't know the answer to, and probably don't mean anything at all. I will never be over characters calling out for people either long gone or right next to them, but unrecognizable in their delirium. I will never be over a character crying in frustration and fear over something in their head they can't explain to whoever is helping them, and all they can do in return is stroke their hair and shush them gently.
thinking about developing a social skill soon
Vintage Porcelain Covered With Hand-Painted Ants
random PSA, I know a lot of people use duckduckgo as a Google alternative search engine, but it always kind of annoyed me when I was using it because it felt like No Name Brand Google
I have switched to using Startpage.com and vastly prefer it. for one thing, instead of displaying an "AI summary" at the top of the search results (unless you turn it off, yes I know), it displays the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article, with link, whenever it finds one that's relevant.
also a waaayyyyy better sense of design than duckduckgo
also private, European based, least annoying search I've used lately (RIP old "don't be evil" Google)
Keeping a list of Google alternatives just in caseâŚ
i have one of those, scraped from multiple different rec posts:
Search Engines
Infinity Search is an alternative search engine with a special focus on privacy
DuckDuckGo is a popular search engine for those who value their privacy and are put off by the thought of their every query being tracked and logged. Uses bangs, ![site] for in-page search (sells your data to microsoft and draws from fucking bing)
WolframAlpha is a privately owned search engine that allows you to âcompute expert-level answers using Wolframâs breakthrough algorithms, knowledgebase, and AI technology.â A data search engine.
Boardreader is a search engine for forums and message boards. It allows you to search forums and then filter down results by date and language.
Based in France, Qwant is a privacy-based search engine that wonât record your searches or use your personal details for advertising. Uses â&â as a bang search.
Another privacy-based search engine is Search Encrypt, which uses local encryption to ensure that usersâ identifiable information cannot be tracked. Metasearch across multiple engines.Â
Offering unbiased results from several sources, SearX is a metasearch engine that aims to present a free, decentralized view of the internet. Can be self-hosted.Â
Gibiruâs tagline is âUnfiltered private searchâ and thatâs exactly what it offers. Requires AnonymoX Firefox add-on for privacy.Â
Disconnect allows you to conduct anonymous searches through a search engine of your choice.
Swisscows provides fully encrypted searches to protect your privacy and security. Built-in violence/porn filter cannot be overridden.Â
MetaGer offers âPrivacy Protected Search & Findâ through its anonymised search. A plugin will allow it to be made a default.
Gigablast is a private search engine that indexes millions of websites and servers real-time information without tracking your data, keeping you hidden from marketers and spammers. Variety of filtration and refinement options for searching.Â
Oscobo is a search engine that protects your privacy while you search the web. By not using any third-party tools or scripts, your data is protected from hacking and misuse. Has a Chrome extension to allow use in toolbar.Â
https://search.marginalia.nu/ an independent DIY search engine that focuses on non-commercial content, and attempts to show you sites you perhaps weren't aware of in favor of the sort of sites you probably already knew existed. Use old-school searching rather than query-based for the best results.Â
https://www.mojeek.com/Â
https://wiby.me/ - Itâs goal is to index as many personalized websites as possible, and NOT commercial sites.Â
https://4get.ca/ it works a lot like SearX, but honestly better. It doesnât have its own index, but pulls from many others. I think itâs the best for research, since it allows you to search for answers from different indexes, is easy to configure, add free, and avoids censorship as much as it can.
https://www.searchenginemap.com/ for more on how search engines relate to each other.
https://yep.com/ is a crawler
https://www.etools.ch/ retrieves from Google, Mojeek, Bing, and Yandex, like Searx
https://www.dogpile.com/Â
https://searxng.org/ (next gen Searx)
https://luxxle.com/ - possibly conservative?
https://presearch.com/ - good for academic?
https://kagi.com/smallweb - free/randomised Kagi.
Other Searchers
www.refseek.com - Academic Resource Search. More than a billion sources: encyclopedia, monographies, magazines.
www.worldcat.org - a search for the contents of 20 thousand worldwide libraries. Find out where lies the nearest rare book you need.
https://link.springer.com - access to more than 10 million scientific documents: books, articles, research protocols.
www.bioline.org.br is a library of scientific bioscience journals published in developing countries.
http://repec.org - volunteers from 102 countries have collected almost 4 million publications on economics and related science.
www.science.gov is an American state search engine on 2200+ scientific sites. More than 200 million articles are indexed.
www.base-search.net is one of the most powerful researches on academic studies texts. More than 100 million scientific documents, 70% of them are free.https://cosine.club/ is an electronic music similarity search engine
I love you Safety Wizard.
(Inspired by @keroascrazy)
Its like how people who don't learn fire safety are brutally mauled and eaten alive by Smokey the Bear.

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âThere was a Cole,â he whispered.
Why do I kind of want them to. They have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.
Shifting Awareness - Lover to Dread Wolf
The Trespasser slide using the name of âDread Wolfâ instead of Solas is a shift of awareness - Inquisitor Lavellan is no longer in the dark about who Solas is.
Throughout Trespasser, the Inquisitor moves through the Crossroads, uncovering hidden truths. If the player discovers all key pieces of information, the Inquisitor is able to confront Solas using the title âDread Wolf.â Where Veilguard drives home the âperception is realityâ themes, it started here with Trespasser. How do you see Solas now that you have learned the truth of FenâHarel? Â
And so the use of âDread Wolfâ in the final slide of a romanced Solas/Lavellan confirms this recontextualization. Lavellan understands that the man she loved â Solas - is inseparable from the legend that now defines him. âSolasâ is associated with intimacy, shared ideals. But the journey of Trespasser, and the revelations it holds, collapse that perception. It's no longer possible for her to see him only as Solas. Â
Her eyes are wide open and have been since Trespasser.
From this point on, her search isn't for the man he was with her, but for a way to reach the figure he feels he needs to be. In the post credit scene, the Inquisitor along with others start laying out the plans that lead us to Veilguard. This is a Lavellan acting in full awareness, not clinging to illusions. She may still love him, but her pursuit is one of intervention, not denial. Â
The slide also makes it clear that while it is her lover visiting her in her dreams, she knows it is the Dread Wolfâs heart she needs to change - she has already changed Solasâ heart, in fact, symbolically she is Solas' heart. What remains is the greater task: to change the Dread Wolfâs. Â
The language of the slides also names the Dread Wolf as her lover. The juxtaposition of these two titles is also symbolic. âLoverâ evokes the personal, the lived relationship. âDread Wolfâ evokes the mythic, the dangerous. She remembers the man and recognizes the god. Her private experience is converging with the truth of who Solas is. Â
How many of his names do you know? God of Lies, Dread Wolf, Fen'Harel. They're titles he earned from enemies, followers, and fractured history. He and I shared another name. Vhenan.Â
Lavellan articulates to Rook the full spectrum of who Solas is - a man with many names, shaped by myth and propaganda - because she knows these things. But she also names the personal. The game is confirming what the final slide of Trespasser already implied - Lavellan holds all these truths at once â her lover and the Dread Wolf. She doesn't need to rediscover who Solas is. She already knows. In fact, if anything, her clarity has sharpened.Â
For this reason, any interpretation suggesting that Lavellan doesn't understand what sheâs facing is just ignoring the story (and all the following stories that follow after DAI where the Inquisitor is constantly searching for Solas). The slide's shift in naming reflects not only her awareness, but her own transformation. She's no longer a woman mourning a lost lover - she is someone seeking a legend - with the desire to save him or stop him. How bold of this little mortal.
And this shift repositions their romance story from personal to mythic. The end of Trespasser sets the stage - a legend in which the hero/heroine pursues a god-like figure who has vanished into myth. Solas appearing in the Fade, in her dreams, watching from a distance, fading away when Lavellan reaches for him - because this is how myth behaves - untouchable, elusive.Â
And yet, the slide doesn't end in despair. It ends in action: she searches, dreams, waits. These are verbs of persistence, strategy, and patience. The quest to âchange the Dread Wolfâs heartâ becomes the foundation for Veilguard, and for those who chose that path, the Lavellan that appears is knowledgeable, wise and eyes wide open. She is a consistent extension of what the story has already shown: a woman who sees the "god" and the man clearly.
I think people often forget that at the beginning of DAI, Lavellan promises to protect Solas anyway she has to. And yes, itâs because he was an apostate elf, the lowest being on Thedaâsâ social ladder, but I personally donât think it applies just to Haven or the Inquisition. Itâs forever if she stays in love with him.
If she has followed all the clues, she knows who he is before she enters that last Eluvian and she is still determined to to fight every Qunari to protect him. She can be angry with him - he expects it and she can deliver - but she can still tell him that their love will last.
She believes it even if he has his doubts because she knows he is both Solas and FenâHarel. She sees the mask, understands it and also rejects it. He is not one or the other. He is both.
And after 10 years of sitting with that? She could become bitter. She could still be angry, or she can realize he still needs to be protected. This time he doesnât have to be protected from Templars. Now he has to be protected from himself - from what he could become.
Protecting someone, keeping someone from hurting themselves, can be a profound act of love and forgiveness. That isnât weak. It takes a great deal of strength to see that someone is hurting and stay with them - not because they are being manipulative because Solas isnât. But because they are truly lost and you know you can help them find their way and heal.
Anyway thatâs how Iâve always seen my Lavellan. Is she angry at first? Yes. In 10 years she goes through all the stages of grief but she keeps coming back to her original promise and in the end she delivers on it.

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haha yeah man female dogs are bitchy and female horses are bitchy and female cats are bitchy and female ferrets are bitchy and female rats are bitchy and female guinea pigs are bitchy and female birds are bitchy and female rabbits are bitchy and female everything is bitchy. lol! isnât it so funny how you think that! isnât it so silly that this is your perception of literally every species! haha! iâm sure thereâs nothing to unpack there! iâm sure youâre 100% accurate and unbiased in your conclusion that female animals are just inherently evil! iâm sure you have very normal thoughts about human women too! teehee! isnât everyone laughing! isnât it so goofy!
I don't care if they're the highest grossing movies on planet freakin Earth, you say "Avatar" and everyone and their mom still thinks that bald little bitch and his magic cow. Soggy James can keep his millions, he'll never have the streets.