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Mysterious old woman: *slowly flips over a large tarot card, revealing a picture of me swan diving from a large cliff with no parachute*

Me: "Is that a good sign?"

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badjokesbyjeff

While wandering in the desert I came across a lamp

When I rubbed it a Genie popped out.

Genie: You have released me from my prison, in return I shall grant you three wishes.

Me: I’ve seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way won’t it?

Genie: I promise that won’t happen. I’m so sure it won’t I’ll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a ……..

thelanguagespirit

Pineaples

Dream Baby

So, once I had this dream where I had a baby. He/She/It was a cute baby. Dream Baby had no name, so I refer to him/her/it exclusively as Dream Baby. Anyway, I spent a long time with Dream Baby, and got very emotionally attached. I finally woke up, realized Dream Baby was fake, and I almost cried.

That was my first heartbreak.

#humor #onceidreamt

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