☆saki☆

going to your mom after 4 whole years of being sad just for her to tell you all teenagers are emotionally unstable

idk

i mean she told me that at the end of the day it’s my choice whether i go to therapy or not but FUCK does it hurt

and it’s my hypothesis that my mom is (or was) secretly depressed and thinks people just need to get over it

and ik i probably hurt her feelings telling her i feel awful everyday because she asked me since when i’ve thought about going to a psychologist, i said two months ago and she looked so over it and told me if i think it’s that serious i should tell my dad (i don’t like talking to him about personal things)

idk what her issue is but whenever there’s something we don’t really agree on she thinks i’m getting influenced by a friend. she says i get washed along other people so easily. my friend just got out of a psych ward so she thinks that’s the reason. in actuality, which i explained to her too, that it was me talking to an older person who also had intense self esteem issues and depression and it freaked me out because it made me realize how bad my internal thoughts may sound to others and that i may lowkey be fucked if i continue on like this (no hate to the guy i was talking to, i wished him the best) and even then she was like “oh life seems worse when you’re surrounded by negative people” HUH? did you hear what i said

and yeah i get that i have the free will to go to therapy, im literally turning 20 this year, but if even my mom can’t understand me what will a complete stranger think of me

she tells me life will get better, and maybe she’s right but i told myself the same thing in high school when it all started. once i turn 18 it’ll all be better. once i graduate hs it’ll all be better. once i get into college it’ll all be better. once i make friends it’ll all be better. once i get a job it’ll all be better. once i quit my job it’ll all be better.

like im not a big fan of sexualizing characters but people are acting like mizuki has her whole tiddies out. yeah i get the whole designer’s intentions aspect of fanservice but the design is pretty cute

also ig the discourse on traditional outfits, in games like genshin, fgo, other gacha games the kimonos and yukatas are considered to be costumes (according to my japanese mother) and can be stylized as pleased

the only reason i would see this being an issue is doing this in real life. like going to a japanese summer festival in a cropped yukata, or a ceremony in a kimono where you have your chest out. also ig in cases where someone is meant to represent a country in a formal setting (which a video game is not it)

maybe this is a hot take, but at the end of the day it’s clothing. for example, we have t shirts and some girls like to wear it cropped. is that inherently disrespectful to american culture? some people may think so but it’s really not. now if you wear a crop top to a formal event then yeah it is. it’s really about time and place. and i hope yall now yukatas used to be everyday clothing before yofuku came to japan.

ppl aren’t going to start riots over a fictional character wearing a skirt that doesn’t go past your finger tips. like i’m sorry but there are bigger issues in the world. and some of y’all’s arguments are borderline purity culture

(also between mizuki and wanderer’s outfit, scara is wearing a much more revealing outfit. his whole torso and hips are OUT. but yall only care about girls covering up, or not cuz ppl complain about clorinde too so idk)

this rant is a mess 😭 all i want to say is that i agree fanservice is annoying but this really isn’t the hill to die on for mizuki, her design is fine. i really don’t think this is bad considering raiden’s design. plus gooners will goon to anything

i think i’m going to die

i’m not suicidal nor am i self harming. i just don’t have the motivation to live

i can’t move, i can’t eat, and i dont enjoy a lot of the things i used to do

i know that if this goes on i’m going to start getting into trouble but idk what to do and who to confide in

as a result i’ve only been eating a meal a day

i’m super short but a little chubby so i usually weigh about 120lb, now i’m down to 110

worst part is i only lose weight in my face

like i physically can’t get skinny. when i exercise i gain too much muscle, when i stop it immediately turns to fat. so even when i “lose weight” i look exactly the same

it’s so frustrating

on top of being short, i have wide shoulders and ribs so i don’t look flattering in any skin tight clothes 🤮

idk what to do with my life

the story is literally hot silly villain and a middle schooler forced to deal with his shenanigans

it’s basically early days servamp right guys 🤗

and its a shoujo manga so it’ll never be sad (hopefully)

idk this is just my attempt at spreading acro trip agenda

there’s only three translated chapters on dex and the fandom is nonexistent please please pleassse

now that the series is ending everything feels so nostalgic

i’ve been in this fandom for 6 years 😭

i remember when kuro was revealed to be British and people were scared tanaka would give him an awfully British name like Thomas or George

kinda curious, did anyone actually catch on to the Adam and Eve thing and guess it before the actual reveal?

idky him being British caught me so off guard when mahiru clearly stated he looked foreign

possibly lukewarm takes: the reason why c3 and gluttony (idk the name of this arc) arcs were so bad is because the iduna and nico focus felt overstayed despite them ending up as irrelevant characters. i can’t put it into words well but it felt like tanaka was just forcing them a backstory. i swear tanaka probably hates iduna and i won’t be surprised if she doesn’t show up in the last two chapters

also i don’t understand why tsubaki battle was stretched out so far when tanaka sensei could’ve spent more chapters fleshing out mikuni’s insanity. idk it just feels so rushed despite this being the most climactic point in the series

kuromahi better become canon in the last chapter. it would make my inner middle school self very happy to know kuromahi won the ship war (remember sakumahi v kuromahi 🤭 i used to be hardcore kuromahi team but i’ve also gotten to appreciate sakumahi more over the years)

although i do enjoy the story as it is now, the whole sakumahi v kuromahi thing going away and such really just shows how servamp moved away from the original silly vampire sibling drama concept, which i don’t hate at all i know that’s the direction tanaka had wanted to take, i just miss the silliness

but this could also be because i had been out of the fandom for some time between 2020-2022. i was super into the ig/musically side of the fandom so when people started moving to tiktok and ig fandom culture died i thought the en servamp fandom did too. so for the longest time i was solely interacting with the jp fandom on twitter and never got into tumblr despite reading the raws here every single month

sorry for the long rant

as usual it is a mess and i’m not proofreading it

i’m so tired

i’m not doing anything and i’m so tired

i have two big projects this week and i haven’t done anything for them

it’s past noon and i can’t get out of bed