#vent!!!

going to your mom after 4 whole years of being sad just for her to tell you all teenagers are emotionally unstable

idk

i mean she told me that at the end of the day it’s my choice whether i go to therapy or not but FUCK does it hurt

and it’s my hypothesis that my mom is (or was) secretly depressed and thinks people just need to get over it

and ik i probably hurt her feelings telling her i feel awful everyday because she asked me since when i’ve thought about going to a psychologist, i said two months ago and she looked so over it and told me if i think it’s that serious i should tell my dad (i don’t like talking to him about personal things)

idk what her issue is but whenever there’s something we don’t really agree on she thinks i’m getting influenced by a friend. she says i get washed along other people so easily. my friend just got out of a psych ward so she thinks that’s the reason. in actuality, which i explained to her too, that it was me talking to an older person who also had intense self esteem issues and depression and it freaked me out because it made me realize how bad my internal thoughts may sound to others and that i may lowkey be fucked if i continue on like this (no hate to the guy i was talking to, i wished him the best) and even then she was like “oh life seems worse when you’re surrounded by negative people” HUH? did you hear what i said

and yeah i get that i have the free will to go to therapy, im literally turning 20 this year, but if even my mom can’t understand me what will a complete stranger think of me

she tells me life will get better, and maybe she’s right but i told myself the same thing in high school when it all started. once i turn 18 it’ll all be better. once i graduate hs it’ll all be better. once i get into college it’ll all be better. once i make friends it’ll all be better. once i get a job it’ll all be better. once i quit my job it’ll all be better.

i’m so tired i just want to die