☿

Fitting in my school uniform better,, leading to being hotter at school

Sex. Sex without worrying about my rolls. Im a t0p too so i feel even more seen.

Mascmascmascmascmasc

Looking better in all my clothes tbh

My chest is small so if i lose fat there binding will probably make me completely flat

Muscles are more defined

Easier to get fit and maintain a good diet when I'm working on muscle mass and not body fat

Not being the biggest guy in the group

(Warning: it’s not what you think it is)

——————

Too much and then not enough.

In the space of a month,

deficit turned to addiction.

“I miss you” says my best friend

I don’t know what she means. I’m better this way. Less of me, it’s a good thing.

I was always too much.

Too energetic, “too many teeth in that photo! Don’t smile as much”, too talkative, too impulsive, too tall, too heavy, “inside voices please!”, laughing too loud,

Too much space.

Not enough seems like a compliment.

As close to invisibility as I can possibly be.

Not enough of me, I’m less of a threat. Less of a bother.

Too busy finding balance between

Not enough energy, not enough focus, not enough time to shrink.

Not enough parties, not enough hours spent being a teenager, not enough alcohol

“Why won’t you drink?!”

Not enough laughter, not enough talks, not enough colour in my cheeks,

“I’m worried about you.”

I’m stuck between both extremes.

Too much and then not enough.

In the space of a month,

deficit turned to addiction.

“I miss you” says my best friend.

I think I know what she means. I thought I was better this way. But I’m no longer convinced

that being less of me

me, internally:

do you wanna fucking fight? do you want me to fucking starve BETTER than you? this is a competition and I WILL win and I WILL eat less an-

I need that feeling of being empty and clean like a new house

It is still about looks, I want to look skinny af, but it's not just it

I crave the feeling of being pure, untouched