The Songbird

I only wanted you to f*ck me, but then I got greedy, I wanted you to love me.

my anger is no fire. it will freeze you in your tracks, and turn your blood to ice when the canals of your veins grind still. you will die in the winter of my fury, long nights when the frost sighs outwards, cracking stone, cracking bone. in my breath, the wind chill, glaciers grow in your mouth and catching apologies, they snowball. your skeleton a brittle tree shedding warmth like leaves underfoot.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.