mania symptoms vs what they feel like when theyre happening to you
note: this is obviously based on personal experience! feel free to add your own :)
symptom: marked increase in goal-oriented behaviour
feeling: a need to Do Something, at the cost of everything else. maybe its starting a new business, or 100%-ing stardew valley, or getting straight A's, or making art, or knitting that really complicated shawl, or saving the world from the apocalypse. everything else feels unimportant. its hard to focus on anything else. you Need to Do The Task. nothing else will satisfy you. all of your time not spent on the task is painful. you can only do the task.
symptom: decreased need for sleep
feeling: you slept 3 hours and you're totally fine. you tried sleeping and it didn't work, so you guess you just need less sleep than you used to. you're waking up early naturally -- no alarms!! -- and for once in your life you actually feel refreshed and well-rested. all-nighters dont even bother you anymore. how was sleeping this little ever difficult? you've never felt more awake.
symptom: more talkative than usual, pressured speech
feeling: people take so long to say stuff. did time always move this slowly? your senses feel sharp, heightened; your brain feels like a well-oiled machine. you know how peoples sentences will end long before they're done talking. you answer questions before they're done being asked. every conversational silence feels like it lasts an eternity.
symptom: flight of ideas, racing thoughts
feeling: everything reminds you of something else, everything feels connected. your mouth can't keep up with your brain, so by the time you start saying one thing, your brain has moved on to another. it never ends. sometimes even you can't follow your train of thought. maybe its going too fast, maybe there's too many of them.
symptom: excessive risk-taking behaviour
feeling: whether its gambling, spending tons of money, taking drugs, sleeping with lots of people, or whatever else: it won't have consequences, and if it does, it's definitely worth the feeling right now. you trust yourself to be safe, that's why you can do unsafe things! you've never felt more alive and you want to see just how much more alive you can feel. you won't make a mistake. you won't go too far. you're better than that. you just want to get as close to the edge as possible. and then maybe closer than that. you'll know when you need to pull back, and whenever that is, it's in the future. and the future probably doesnt even feel real. there's just here, now.
feeling: everything is so loud all the time. did you always hear things this much? were colors always so bright? its like you blinked and stopped being able to filter anything out. you're seeing the world for how it is, in all of its glory. but its so loud. you're listening to every conversation in this restaurant and you don't get to opt out. you see every bit of movement in this store and you don't get to opt out. you hear every beep at the checkout line and you don't get to opt out. what were you even thinking about? you don't remember. its gone. you hear parts of songs you never heard before. you see details you never spotted before. you can't turn it off.
symptom: inflated self-esteem, grandiosity
feeling: you're going faster than everyone. you're operating on a level that they don't -- can't -- understand. you see everything. you feel everything. they're moving so slowly and you're the only one who can see it. you're the only one who can see the world as it actually exists. everyone else is so slow. they filter out so much. and you're moving so much faster than them, you can do so much more than them, if you put your mind to it you could do great things. you have so much more time than they do. you pay so much more attention than them. you take risks that they could never fathom, and it will always work out for you. of course you're destined for greatness -- you're just better than other people. your senses are sharper. you move faster. its just basic math.
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