romeo and juliet work together at quiznos

A cigarette is an incredibly sensible choice when something really bad or something really good happens

"subtext" and "buttsex" being anagrams of each other is an example of order and harmony in the universe

Fool me once I kill myself on the spot

isnt it really cool how your memories can just physically attack you at random

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

We must reduce labor to zero and then all hang out

i do feel somewhat ruined forever. but it’s okay we stay silly

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.

the more you twist yourself into a pretzel to avoid regret the harder it will hit when it eventually catches up to you.

has anyone noticed that sometimes you take incorrect or undesirable actions instead of the correct and desirable ones? what's up with that

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

hey you 🫵 have you washed your water bottle lately? 🫵 it’s getting hot and mold is going to grow 🫵 wash it 🫵