🌱

Item: majestic-ass biscuit, although I dunno how majestic it’s gonna be for $4.99

whatever 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

I did my PhD in a fish lab, and one time I was emailing a fish company, and the guy emailed me back with the signature “Best fishes,” followed by these guys

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

˙ʇɐqʇᴉnɹɟ ɐ ǝɯoɔǝq oʇ pǝpᴉɔǝp ǝʌ,I

No longer allowed to help my dad in the garden because i picked up the shovel and he saw “a gleeful and cruel darkness in my eyes”

what doesn't kill you makes you stay on tumblr for 13 years and counting

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

Man no one even remembers laptop in bed. It was laptop in bed for years. Now it's just phone in bed. Maybe tablet. But usually phone. So much has changed

i like how the ^_^ emoticon doesn't even have an upturned mouth. goes to show a smile is all in the eyes

vibes-based gerard reaching ultimate gender zen: i can slick my hair back to become the Character and i can let it free for a cutesy bob !