SO its thanksgiving 2025 and I have been at home all day because i was sick super congested earlier this week.
Today I basically wasted whole day being exhausted - only got up to make scrambled egg spinach jalapeno swiss cheese avocado sandwhich, chai tea, heat up some sambar rice with 2 chicken nugget,, and then ate half a sweet potato for dessert.
Then just watched some lame cdramas all day.
Recently have felt like I have lack of friends and no boyfriend.
When I was talking to mom and sister in morning on phone telling them, I see some people settle with boyfriend too early without knowing sense of self, mom said maybe its better to settle early and get a guy vs. settle later, if you want to compromise its better to compromise early. This trigerred me completely.
I am already compromising way too much with these junk ass gys and she knows that. At 24 I was willing to compromise and literally MARRY a flaky wishy washy guy from india just cause she and my dad were forcing me.
At this age now 26 - mid-late 20s, I know my mom doesnt know much. She doesnt have much life or dating experience herself so she gives shit advice out of fear which benefits no one, but she doesnt know how life works.
She then told me I am telling you this so you put yourslef out there, you idnt learn to socialize cause you had needs met at homw with family and sister. Then I said no it was cause of the emotional trauma you caused to make me feel worthless.
Then she also said you have to put yourself out there if you overthink/overanlyze all this you wont everyboy has flaws to which I said no if you understand all this then its easietr to put yourself out there because you feel everyone trash - their opinion doesnt matter.
TBH I feel she is pushover herself - she comes from a time where belief was women worth comes from marriage. she was even telling me cousin went and tlaked to other relatives can you do that? I said I talk to other uncles/aunties all the time but at the end of day if something happens only parents/sister will come. Even if cousin has life incident gets divorced etc. only her parents will truly help. And that life is not what it used to be we need husband for emotional support we wont get it elsewhere..
I get triggered with mom behavior basically saying cousin is better for talking to people and going everywhere and that my subdivision friend is better for moving in with a guy at 24 and getting engaged by 25. Then she said she understands sleeping with a guy before marraige but she says crap to fit in - in reality she aint understand shit.
I know my mom is an old lady but actually a clueless schoolgirl who doesnt understand life in a lot of ways at heart cause of the way she grew up. She preaches and practices low self esteem behavior, and when I want to break out of it by letting go of societal conventions to move forward she pushes me back.
I still feel like I am single at 26.5 which is ugh - I wish I was in a relationship by now... Mom said she wg shit about not having friends, feeling shit abou
