Chapter Fourteen: The Way I Loved You- part two
A/N: I can't believe I am saying this... BUT I'M BACK!!!! My mental health was terrible these last few months and I couldn't write a single word, but I'm finally here to continue this story I love so much with the characters I love the most! I'm so sorry for the wait... Have a good reading ⥠And I'm also writing a book so things have been reaaally hard
TW: Eating disorder, PTSD
In the bar, Rooster was worried, you told the crew that you would be at Hard Deck by night, but you were nowhere to be found. What happened to you?
âWhat's wrong, Rooster?â, Penny's voice sounded so distant but when he looked up from his beer she was in front of him, on the other side of the counter.
âIt's nothing, Penny, I'm fineâ, he wasn't convincing at all. Penny raised an eyebrow. âI'm just⌠thinkingâ.
âMaybe that's the problem, don't you think?â.
âWellâŚâ, she took a deep breath and a soft smile appeared on her lips, âI have known you since you were just a kid, Bradley, and since then you always think too muchâ.
âStop thinkingâ, a smart smirk appeared on her lips, turns out Penny can read minds, Rooster thought.
âThat's the same thing Maverick keeps saying to me since we started the trainingâ, he let out a sharp breath and looked at the beer in his hand.
"And at the same time⌠The more you think, the more you keep staying for lastâ, Hangmanâs voice emerged from his right side, like a demon emerging from the dark abyss of hell, Rooster liked that description too.
The blonde man sat next to him with his drink in hand.
âFuck off, Hangman. I'm not in the mood for this little game right nowâ.
Penny looked from one man to the other, and snorted, shaking her head.
âYou two never changeâ, she turned around to talk with another client that was waving at her with some dollars in his hand.
"Do you know where Hawks is?â, Rooster asked him with an annoyed tone, he hated to discuss about you with Hangman.
âWell⌠if you donât know, why do you think I do?â.
âWow, you really are a good friend" Rooster rolled his eyes, "I just asked you a question, man. Don't need to get defensiveâ. Rooster raised his arms in the air, ironically.
âI'm not getting defensiveâ, Hangman frowned, clearly getting defensive.
âSure notâ, Rooster said, impatiently. He stood up, wanting to leave Hangman alone, but something burned inside of him, something that had been stuck in his mind for a long time, and he couldnât keep quiet anymore.
He turned just to face Hangman again, and then, he spoke.
âYou know, Jake, sometimes I think you have the capacity to be a decent human being, but then, in a second, you can be the worst jerk I have ever known. If you keep acting like this youâll just end up-â.
âAlone?â, Hangman cut him off with an ironic tone, like he didnât even care about what Bradley was saying, maybe he didn't. âI can deal with thatâ.
âNo, you canâtâ, Jake opened his mouth to argue, but Rooster continued, âYou love to be in the spotlight, have all the eyes on you. And I am sure, if you keep acting like this, neither the ones that follow you will still be by your sideâ.
Bradley put the money on the counter and left the bar, outside he ran his fingers through his hair, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, he hated being anxious, his hands felt sweaty and his breath was difficult to control, but after what he said to Jake it was impossible to be calm.
He closed his eyes, storming out wasnât the best way to solve things, no one had ever stormed out with him, not even Maverick, actually, he had stormed out with the old man days before, god, this mission was putting too much pressure on him.
Looking at the sea he took a deep breath, calming down, he wanted to meet you, and talk to you. During the day you two briefly talked, and the truth is he was missing you, these three weeks felt like months to him.
âI left herâ, Jake called Bradley from behind, and he turned to face the man, "Hawks needed me, and I left her, Iâm sorry".
Jake told Bradley everything, since the first day he met you at the party and his conflicting feelings about the inconsistent relationship you two had. When he felt like he could tell you about his past, and how much of a coward he was when he left you alone at the base because he couldn't face you.
Bradley heard with attention at Jake's words, and he felt his heart beating faster in his chest. That Jaws was the ex you briefly mentioned, with an uncomfortable behavior and height fulfilling your words. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. If that guy showed up near him he would regret every finger he touched you with.
Hangman never talked like that, like he cared about anything other than himself and at that brief moment Rooster noticed that the man had a heart.
After finishing, Jake waited to hear Roosterâs words, but Bradley stayed silent, facing him with worried eyes. Hagman looked at the sand on his shoes, shook his head with a deep breath, and, one more time, left someone he cared about alone because he could never admit to himself that he truly cared, he wasnât raised to be like that.
Bradley watched as Jake disappeared inside Hard Deck, like the conversation they both had didnât occur, he closed his eyes, the knot he felt in his throat was too much. When he felt the tears in his eyes he felt guilty.
Guilty for not being able to help you.
Guilty for not being able to make amends with Maverick.
Guilty because he was not good as his father.
âRooster?â, he didnât turn, he wasnât trusting his mind at that moment.
âRooster? Are you okay?â, when he felt your fingers touching his shoulder he turned to you, just to find your beautiful shining eyes staring back at him, and he started to feel less tense, but the tears that accumulated in his eyes dropped down his cheeks, and your expression changed in less than a second. âBradley? What happened?â.
You were dressing a huge yellow shirt and black jeans, but no matter what you were wearing you were always stunning to him, he was speechless.
With the lack of response, you just saidâŚ
âI made an apple pieâ.
And that was everything he needed to hear.
âSo youâre telling me that Hangman said the word 'sorry' two times on the same day, that must be a sign, right?â, I said as I sliced the pie, Roosterâs eyes followed every movement I made like he was admiring a painting.
"A sign of what?", Rooster didnât explain why he was alone crying at the beach to me, he just followed me to my house with a shy smile on his lips, and if there was a word that could not define Bradley, that word was "shy".
"You tell me, Bradshaw. I feel that-"
"Wait, wait, wait⌠Bradshaw?", Rooster asks while I give him a plate with a huge slice of the pie, looking up at me, I just stood in front of him, staring at his confused expression. "You only call me Bradshaw when you are worried or tense. Why are you worried, darling?".
The way he said the word âdarlingâ made my heart melt, and I couldnât answer him, I just got lost in his eyes.
âHeyâ, he touched my arm with just the tip of his fingers, sending little shivers through my body, âWhy are you so tense?â.
I just shook my head, avoiding the bad thoughts from my mind, well, I was trying to avoid them. I sat in front of him, my gaze avoiding his, I was afraid of telling him about the terrible feeling that was growing in my heart, and in my head.
âHawks, whatâs going on? We barely talked today, are you sure you have nothing to tell me?â.
âItâs just a feeling, donât worry, Roosterâ.
âDonât do this with meâ, I finally looked him in the eyes, and instead of the worried gaze from before I stared at a serious expression, that I wasnât expecting. Bradleyâs eyebrows were almost touching, his mouth was a thin line, and his jaw was tenser than I have ever seen.
âIs it about the mission?â.
I held my breath. I knew how important the mission was to him, it wasnât just another medal, it was a matter of honor, a way to prove to Maverick, to prove to himself that he deserved to be with the Navy. I knew he wanted to be team leader, and I also knew that he couldnât be because Maverick already was.
âMaverick is going to be team leader, Admiral Cyclone made the choiceâ.
I knew how that sounded to him.
Youâre not as good as Maverick.
Youâre not good enough.
Rooster bit the inside of his cheek, staring at the pie in front of him. I looked at my plate, I didnât feel hungry, the only thing I felt was emptiness. And the walls that I have been struggling to bring down, started to rise from the ashes. Suddenly I felt small in my own mind, I felt small at my own house.
âWellâ, Rooster started, âafter what he did today, I wouldnât expect less than this. He deserves itâ, his tone wasnât bitter, or angry, he sounded conformed. He looked into my eyes, his shoulders less tense, âWhy were you so worried about this?â.
Because thereâs more, I thought, taking a deep breath.
âIs it-â, Rooster hesitated, biting his bottom lip before speaking, âBecause you saw him, isnât it?â.
My eyes grew wide with his words, I felt my mouth dry.
I hugged my arms, trying to stay present in the conversation, my hands felt cold against my exposed skin. When I tried to speak, only a small sound came out, so I took another deep breath, I couldnât do this anymore.
The way Jaws spoke about my scars like they meant nothing made my darkest thoughts appear again, making me question myself again and again.
âIâm sorry, Bradleyâ, I felt the tears coming and I knew I couldnât stop them. âIâm so sorry â.
In a blink of an eye, Bradley was kneeling in front of me, one hand resting on my knee, the other trying to brush away the hair that was falling over my face. He whispered my name but I didnât have the courage to look him in the eyes.
âHey, look at meâ, he gently put a finger under my chin, âplease, darlinâ â.
âIâm sorry Bradley, I thought- I thought I could move on with my life but-â.
âHawks, you donât need to be sorry. I wonât pressure youâ.
âI know, Brad, you have no idea what this means to me. But thereâs one more thingâ.
âGo onâ, he caressed my knee encouraging me to continue.
âCyclone wanted me to be Maverickâs wingman", Rooster's eyes went wide with anticipation.
âAnd I- I said no, and left the roomâ.
I could still hear Maverick calling my name from behind, but I didnât look back, I didnât turn, I had no doubt, I wasnât ready for that. No matter what, the motivational speech, the comforting words, it wasnât enough to make me feel ready to be inside a jet again.
I wasnât fully healed yet, it takes time to live together with your traumas without having a panic attack, but for some reason, Cyclone didnât understand in that way. But working with this type of people is hard, either you do what they ask you or youâre out.
And I have no doubt anymore, that was the final straw, I was out after this mission, and finally, my escape plan was about to begin.
âIâm not ready, Bradley. It seems like the more I try to overcome everything, the more things appear to bring me down again, I canâtâ.
âHawks, you will not like what Iâm about to say, but, Iâm going to say itâ, Roosterâs hand disappeared from my chin and he stood up, âYouâre wrong if you think that the solution is âovercomeâ what happened with you. And I donât think Cyclone is wrong for asking you to be Maverickâs wingmanâ.
Rooster was right. I didnât like what he said.
âReally? You really think he cares?â, I said with an ironic tone.
âThatâs not possible, Rooster. That guy doesnât care about usâ.
Rooster put his hands on his waist looked at the ground and continued.
âI think he believes in you, he trusts you, Hawks. He trusts you enough to ask you to be part of the operation. Why canât you see this?â.
âBecause I know that if I get in that jet this mission will end up the same way my old one didâ, I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.
âThatâs not true, Hawks. He wants you in this mission because he believes in you, he is our Admiral for a reason, and-â, Rooster stopped talking and closed his eyes, his jaw twitching like he was deciding what to say.
âYou know youâre not responsible for what happenedâ.
"You may believe that, but this isn't true, Hawks. If I was your wingman, Hawks, I would follow you anywhere because I trust you, like your crew did, and like our friends do".
A deep and deadly silence filled out the room, I just stared at him with my hands closed at my sides, the nails piercing my skin, I could feel the pain but I didnât care. I couldnât look into his eyes anymore.
âI think you should leaveâ.
Rooster frowned, he looked offended and mad at the same time.
âYouâre crazy if you think Iâll leave you alone after this, Hawksâ.
âIâm not asking, Roosterâ.
âHawks, listen to me-â.
âBradley, I just wanna be alone and I canât think straight when youâre fucking around. I know you're trying to help me but I just need sometime to thinkâ.
Rooster walked towards me and stood dangerously close, I could feel his warm presence too close, too tempting, I looked up, staring at his honey eyes. I was still mad at him, but what he saidâŚ
Since the first day we met, Bradley only wanted to make me feel better and help me. When I cried he was there to hold me, when he cried I was there to listen to him and help him. He wasnât attacking me with his words, he was trying to make me see what was really happening around me, trying to help me see beyond my pain and distrust in people around me.
I took a deep breath calming down just like him.
âYou wonât do anything stupid, will you, darlin?â, he said with a smirk,
âOnly the normal amount of stupidityâ, I smiled at him, a shy smile, but still a real one.
I saw Roosterâs eyes shining when I smiled, his cheeks got redder than mine. He shook his head and put a hot hand on my waist, bringing me closer to him.
âFuck it . I canât resist your smileâ.
Gently Bradley put his lips against my left cheek, leaving a quick kiss, and then his lips were on the corner of my mouth and I felt my heart racing, and my cheeks warming faster than ever. He repeated the kisses on the right side of my face, I felt butterflies flying in my stomach.
âIâll save the rest for after the missionâ, he said and kissed the tip of my nose, âIâm leaving nowâ.
âIâm not so sure if I want you to leave nowâ, I said, holding a laugh.
âOh, is that so?â, he leaned forward but then kissed my forehead, âIâm kidding, sweetheart. If you need me you know where I am atâ.
A/N: Thanks for reading!!! See you soon, and thanks for all the love again, I missed writing Icarus so much<3
@icui-4-cu @pulisvertz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @prettybiching @supernaturaldawning @sydneejean @americaarse @minnie-mitzel @danny-boy27 @jonginvlog @adoringsebstan @sssleepless @storyteller-le @daniekay7190 @fogle97 @hitoshislut @thisisgracetrying @secretpeacestarlight @chaoticassidy @legendarybatherringmonger @oababy @captain-fandomwriter58 @bespinnn @starkleila @nobody7102 @luckyladycreator2 @mayafatimakhan @hawkins-2000 @caswinchester2000 @lovingonshawn @hockeyboysarehot @travelingmypassion @katies-reading-space @bo0p0918 @blue-4003 @levylovegood @fangirlinc @mads-weasley @jay-swoohoo @sadpetalsstuff @n3ssm0nique @sunna-fangirls @lovemesomevesey @tipsykeen @littlewhiterose @kp9983 @glowingtree
