OP: #In my head Ilya does a bunch of cheesy Dunkin' ads #And they do that thing where they very loosely follow a narrative #And obviously when Ilya up and moves to Ottowa Dunkin' drops him as a spokesperson #But Tim Hortons sees the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever and takes it #So now there's the Coffee and Donut Shop Cinematic Universe of Ilya Rozanov ads #That there is DEFINITELY a 45 m long supercut of on youtube #heated rivalry #ilya rozanov #heated rivalry ilya

He definitely did a commercial with Gronk and Big Papi. And people outside the region think that Gronk and Roz are guys Dunkin made up to sell energy drinks.

Ilya teasingly comments to Shane that his cottage gardener is pretty hot, is that why he hired him? Shane is kind of distracted and says offhandedly, “No, it’s cause he’s super good at edging. He does it just the way I like. He was also willing to sign an NDA.” He’s distractedly walking out of the room so he doesn’t catch Ilya’s shocked jealous face. Later that night Ilya goes full mean dom and edges Shane (who loved it) within an inch of his life. After Shane can finally form words again he goes, “That was so fucking hot. Where did that come from?” Ilya cockily but secretly very vulnerable says, “Better than your sexy secret gardener?” Shane looks at him super confused then laughs so hard he thinks he might black out again. Ilya is lowkey mad and starts poking him in the ribs and pinching him saying, “Hey! What is so funny! Tell me!!” Shane finally tells him that edging is a landscaping term. He’s never fucked the gardener! “You really think I would just drop that on you??” Ilya sheepishly says he thought maybe Shane was trying to tell him something. “Asking without asking? Maybe?” Shane sighs and touches his forehead to Ilya’s. “I know I’m not always great at communicating what I want but I promise I’d never try to just manipulate you, ok?” “Ok, yes. I promise too.” “Silver lining though, that was fucking amazing.” “Oh yes??” Now they’re making out about it. Shane and Ilya both learned something new tonight! Just wait until Shane decides it’s Ilya’s turn to be edged.

Being the best at taking dick is a huge point of pride for Shane. He always wants to be the best at everything and this is no exception. And, sure, there's a part of him that goes wild with jealousy whenever he thinks about how many partners Ilya has had but another part of him is grateful for it, if only because it means that whenever Ilya tells him, "fuck, Shane, no one can take it like you do," it fucking means something.

I don't think Shane considers himself to be someone who likes pain. Does he like being spanked? Yes. The harder the better. Bring a belt out, by all means. Does he like the ache of his rim the day after Ilya gave it to him hard? Yes, of course. In the same way he likes feeling his muscles ache after a hard workout, it means he did something worthwhile, and he likes the reminder of Ilya inside him. Does he like having his hair pulled? Yes, please. Does he like Ilya pressing into a bruise on his side so hard that his vision blacks out? Absolutely. But he doesn't like pain. It's just that none of the things he likes register as pain to him. It's just sensation and, god, it feels so good to feel how far he can push his own body.

ilya and shane are gossiping through texts even though they’re in the same place and troy notices and goes “man, i can’t believe you guys are texting each other right now” and shane and ilya stop and put their phones back in their pockets and bood says “i can’t believe we’re gonna have to take your phones away like they do with teenagers” and ilya replies “you’ve already banned us from sitting together and now we can’t even talk to each other?” and troy goes “you guys can’t sit next to each other without retreating into your own little bubble and ignoring everyone else” and dykstra chimes in “besides, you two are sometimes extremely affectionate, you don’t need to rub it in our faces that our wives and harris aren’t here” and ilya sighs irritably and goes “just go ahead and marry a hockey player” and everyone at the table groans and troy throws a little napkin ball at ilya’s head and they flip each other off. and shane finally says something “we’ll behave, i promise” while stroking ilya’s leg under the table and ilya winks at him. the centaurs had to separate the two because quite simply once they get into a conversation they just can’t stop and they simply forgets that there’s people aroud them. unfortunately they really are each other’s best friends and now they sit far apart just to participate in get-togethers with their friends.

it's one of the first practices of the season and the centaurs have already played three games without a single loss and shane is still trying to get used to the team, he can only really talk comfortably with bood and wyatt even though he’s already met the other guys at other gatherings, the rookies idolizes him and just won’t leave him alone, so he knows at least some of them likes him. he’s standing behind ilya and they’re whispering to each other as usual while wiebe is giving instructions and explaining strategies for tomorrow’s game and when he mentions the team they’re going to play against, shane chirps the team but it comes out louder than he expected and everyone on the rink snap their heads towards at him and shane’s heart sinks cus the montreal metros didn’t like it when he made chirps, especially ones that boasted about his own talent like he just did. and now he worries the guys will think he’s an arrogant prick, but after a few seconds of silence the whole team bursts out laughing and the guys start commenting “holls got jokes” “i didn’t know you were funny, holls” and “roz, so you’re the boring one of the two then” and “where has hollander been hiding those?” and shane breathes a huge sigh of relief while ilya, standing in front of him, wears the biggest proudest smile on his face.

it's one of the first practices of the season and the centaurs have already played three games without a single loss and shane is still trying to get used to the team, he can only really talk comfortably with bood and wyatt even though he’s already met the other guys at other gatherings, the rookies idolizes him and just won’t leave him alone, so he knows at least some of them likes him. he’s standing behind ilya and they’re whispering to each other as usual while wiebe is giving instructions and explaining strategies for tomorrow’s game and when he mentions the team they’re going to play against, shane chirps the team but it comes out louder than he expected and everyone on the rink snap their heads towards at him and shane’s heart sinks cus the montreal metros didn’t like it when he made chirps, especially ones that boasted about his own talent like he just did. and now he worries the guys will think he’s an arrogant prick, but after a few seconds of silence the whole team bursts out laughing and the guys start commenting “holls got jokes” “i didn’t know you were funny, holls” and “roz, so you’re the boring one of the two then” and “where has hollander been hiding those?” and shane breathes a huge sigh of relief while ilya, standing in front of him, wears the biggest proudest smile on his face.

Alright girlies we can't let the executive dysfunction win today

I mean alright girlies we can't let the executive dysfunction win tomorrow

they’re sitting together on the couch, tv is on but no one is watching and both of them are doing their individual things. shane reading a book and ilya scrolling through his phone and then ilya stops and rests his phone to his thigh, turns to shane and asks “would you love me if i was bad at hockey?” and shane snaps his head towards ilya with his eyebrows raised “of course” he replies and ilya keeps going “and if i was a goalie?” and shane’s actually really confused now with where ilya’s coming from but he still answers “yes, of course” and ilya starts agin “and if i—“ but shane cuts him off and says “ilya, i don’t believe in god or anything else but the only thing i believe is that you were made for me and any version of you or of us would be together in type of alternate universe if those exists” and ilya kinda tearing up with a trembling voice “you think i was made for you?” and shane’s like deadpan serious “yes, i think the universe made you for me to love. it would be you or no one else” and ilya trying hard to not cry just picks his phone again and says with his voice choked up “was just watching a dumb tiktok ignore me” while using other hand to wipe a tear that had fallen

ilya and shane are having the laziest, slowest morning sex before practice. shane got so soft and relaxed afterward that he just didn’t want to get up. ilya cooed at him saying “my sweet baby, you don’t have to go, it’s optional”with his face buried in shane’s hair, holding him tight and shane’s like “but i don’t want you to leave” and ilya’s like “i don’t want to leave you either but i’m the captain, sweetheart, can’t stay”and shane goes “no, you can stay here with me” while hiding his face in the crook of ilya’s neck and ilya chuckles “shane hollander, golden boy of hockey, saying that i should skip practice?” he asks kissing shane’s temple and sniffing him and shane just nods against his neck and goes “yes, we should just retire and spend all of our days like this” with his voice muffled and ilya tightens his hold and says almost whispering “i wish, sweetheart, but later when you’re back to yourself you’ll definitely not like this idea anymore” and shane just lets out a little “mmmh” and ilya goes “let’s get up, ok?” and shane says “no” and ilya snorts holding a hard laugh he loves when shane is soft and acting spoiled like this but he gets up anyway and pulls shane with him so they can take a bath together, go make and eat breakfast and go to practice, cus he knows shane will definitely regret it later if he misses it

Hollanov weed sex would either be the most intense, soul rending experience for both of them, or it would consist of them getting the giggles because they very briefly played Swords with their erect dicks. and quite possibly, both of those things at once