AllThingsKerri

The beautiful facial expressions and flawlessly communicative gestures the likes of which would be at home in my college-level dramatic arts classes

The universal relateability

The technical video and sound editing that’s DIRECTLY on the song beat, absolutely A+ timing and that shit is not easy to do

The amazing dramatic use of slow-motion that tells like - this is some Shakespearean drama story - conflict, BETRAYAL, this is Julias Caeser, this is The Iliad

There’s a new “horror” movie coming out, and the premise is that a female diver gets stuck sitting on a rock 200 yards from shore in what looks like maaaaaybe 30 foot deep water, with a great white “circling” nearby.

It is very stupid looking.

I could make all kinds of arguments about how there are only a few documented cases ever of sharks intentionally going after humans, about how we’re already trying to hunt them to extinction because people are terrified of them for no logical reason, about how the creator of Jaws regretted the shark phobia his work inspired for the rest of his life and became an extremely staunch defender of sharks as important ocean wildlife. I could say how pissed I am that yet again someone is making a “horror” movie whose premise is animals are evil and malicious and go after humans for no reason, nature and man are inherently at odds.

But instead I’m going to leave these pictures here and make the case that this is going to be a very inconsistent, confused film about a big angry fish who apparently changes size off camera.

Here we see the shark doing a Sea World style backflip in order to eat a guy right off his surfboard. (It then chases down guy number two, gets his legs in its mouth, and then… swims backwards? to dramatically pull him away from the rock?)

Aaand here we have a perfectly circular bite in the main character’s leg where the shark apparently shrunk way down, bit in deeply enough to leave a perfect circle of ouch in her flesh, and then let go. Either that, or she’s a giantess and her thigh is as big as a man’s entire torso.

Sharks, even great white sharks, really don’t give a fuck about humans. We are not food for them. They attack divers because they have relatively poor eyesight, and from below, a human paddling out into the water on a surfboard looks like a very fat, slow, awkward seal floundering on the surface. Sharks who do attack humans generally attack only once before realizing that this is not what they expected. That’s why there are shark attack survivors; the shark doesn’t try to eat the rest of the person they just bit. Great white sharks and tiger sharks can be dangerous, but so can any large animal. More Americans alone are killed by chairs, cows, deer, dogs, and vending machines (each, not added together) than are killed worldwide by sharks even on a very unlucky year.

Tiana’s Place Restaurant coming soon to Disney Wonder Cruise Ship

Tiana’s Place restaurant will transport you to an era of southern charm, spirited jazz and street party celebrations. Here you’ll be treated to New Orleans dining and entertainment, with live music creating a French Quarter supper club atmosphere.

Chefs will cook up Tiana’s recipes, drawing inspiration from the flavors and ingredients of the Louisiana bayou. Tiana’s personal touch will be evident in the menu, the entertainment and throughout every detail in the restaurant.

Tiana’s Place Restaurant will debut when the ship sets sail from Galveston, Texas, starting November 10.