help

After doing it yourself for so long it sure does

Let’s masterbate together, sounds like the best of both worlds… 🤔💦💦

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?  Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?  Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).  – Got to walk a second time through–  Same guy: My friends -wailing-  Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh. 

no this actually happened

fact: the bayonet is just a strapon for a gun

I love how the captions added are 95% “blessed image” “youve been blessed by the cat stamp” and 5% “how dare you step on that guys timbs holy fuck”