Lizszs

If my body washed up to the shore

Would you carry it to the land?

Would you stand and stare?

Even if my jaw dropped to the ground

In screaming ache

Crying for help

Would you let the ocean swallow me hole?

What if I was so easy to hold?

What if the ocean was horribly cold?

What if I made myself poorly old?

Even then, would you watch my body mold?

I wouldn’t ask you

I would never ask you

To carry me to the land

I would let the sea

Swallow me

I would rather die

Than make you

Love me

i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know

about all the things i dont do

about all the things i should do

about all the things i did do

standing deep in a forest

in the middle of the coldest snow storm

my skin becoming ice

and my breath whisper; cries

i see a glimpse of the warmest

bear den

the den is filled with adventures of springs

and the warmest fur of a bed you have ever felt

listen, all the birds sings

inside you will find

the deepest sleep and the brightest dreams

inside you will catch your breath again

because inside the den

spring exists

she will breathe life into you again

but it is one problem

the den is in the past

it is just a memory i am looking at

no way i can cross that path

the path of time

oh, if only i could spend one more night in the den

oh, if i could just rest for one hour

oh, i will cast away all of my future

oh, if only i could get a glimpse

just a little glimpse of whats inside

my fingers play the piano

with tears dripping from my soul

filling up the water inside

my body glued to this piano chair

soon i will be gasping for air

playing the piano till my fingers are sore

can you hear me?

my tears cant go to waste

so i will water your plants instead

and they will drown

i always give to much

never know when to stop

playing the piano til my fingers are no more

can you feel me?

or are you ignoring me?

like a little bambi

desperate for your help

but the ice is to slippery or to weak?

for the both of us.

it is easier to be ignored, then to dive in to the deep

and the cold

and the unknown

i am not worth

breaking the ice for

You

Are

The

Ocean

that lives around me

You want me to float

feel the peace

to be weightless

and free

but I refuse to let you hold me

I can hold my own

and I refuse to stop looking

for Your hand to hold

so I keep swimming

and I keep diving

my head bearly over water

I can feel my breath becoming harder

and when my lips have become blue

and my face like snow

you tell me to let it all go

and just be

but that is the hardest part

how can I be free

escaping the universe i live in

because the air in here, is like poison for me

the walls are so thick, not even the heaviest water will slip through

the ceiling so low, my head is forced to constantly bow down

the soulless eyes staring at me

their pale long faces filled with confusion

burdening me with rejection

too afraid of the unknown

therefor my soul becomes a questioning hole

a place for them to dump their mold

their blue corpse

to empty for anything to stick inside

so it leaks in to me

oh, this black hole, the reason for my sorrows

so i will sit at the shore

with this heavy rock stuck in my core

my pale soul, always needed more

i was mistaken and made people sore

i have closed and locked the last door

the weight of my dirty chore

was something my breathless body bore

all the dirt crawled under my skin, and sunk straight to my core

the dirt drowned my blood, and my skin is no more

i swore

i would no longer fight both parts in the war

therefor i live by the shore

every day, washing off all the dirt from the war

and wishing, my pale soul

will one day melt away with the shore

filled with every flower

and forests with the tallest trees

even fill the deepest ocean and seas

but you wont let me

how long

for the men in the suits

to shut up

how long for the tongues

of the

men in the suits

to mold

after all the poison they deliver

how long

does it take to notice

that the the men in the suits

walks around

a portion of my heart

for your daily meal

and glass with my soul

to wash out with

i serve it with the deepest love

from deep inside my bones

from the bottom of my stomach

with every bit of my burning blood

and you eat it like it is nothing

you eat it like a

man

as if forests and trees grows with my heart in it

and as if oceans and oceans exists with my floating soul in it

and yet

i still keep my restaurant open

trapped under the tree

in the middle of the sea

the brenches graved in every part of my skin

i scream and i pull

trying to get free

but nothing will loosen the grip

all the brenches, and the all the wishpers

of the tree, is stuck and locked inside of me

every day it rains and it storms

the water filling up all the way to my core

soon i will not be here anymore

i cannot swim and i cannot breathe

all the air inside me

has left with my screams and all my tears

i am naked and i am nobody

my skin has been scraped away by the brenches of the tree

the tree just wants to hold me

but i does not know

that i cannot breathe in water

i only breathe air

so here i will sit and stare

untill the water fills my lungs

thrown of my boat

in the middle of the big the dark and the blue

the deepest ocean

the storm is not calming

and i am drowning

who will save me?

i thought my boat was safe

i thought my boat would sail on the wave

i thought i could sail away

from every scary , every dark, and every blue

but here i am

gasping for air, in my deepest fear

Jesus

will you take me?

will you, save me?

will you even hold me?

he wont take me away, he said.

he will take me trough

the big, the dark and the blue

so i cling

i cling to Jesus, like a life jacket

my nails graved into his skin

my tears melting away with my sin

where have you been?

Jesus hold me

hold my dear heart, so near

i can not bear anything anymore

i can not breathe anything anymore

unless you bear it with me

unless you breathe your breath in my lungs

before I knew

the ocean was parted in two

and I could walk right through

but even then

Jesus held my weak body in his arms

He would not let go

because he would never let me bear anything alone

and I will let him

from now, I will let myself be held

because I can not breathe without a life jacket

In the middle of

The deepest

The darkest

And the bluest

my bones

my aching bones

i would rip them out,

and build you a house

of my

bones

drowning

in the deepest

darkest ocean

the ocean of truth

that you will never see my heart

my love,

the deepest heaviest of love

my weighing love, for you

stuck in my bones

it will never ever leave

my bones won't breathe, if your

if your heart is not beating

because of me

i can never walk again

i cannot speak anymore

i can not

i can hardly see

i dont remember me anymore

you have been gone for too long

this hole

this dark hole in my chest,

it wont close anymore

you cannot see my heart

my my heart

it is still waiting for you to see it

it is waiting in the ocean

you dropped it there

did you forget?

you dropped it

you dropped my heart in the ocean

and i

i gave it to you

i dont have a heart,

only these bones

these aching bones

filled with my love for you

i can rip them out too if you want to

but this hole it wont close

and these bones

they wont walk

if your heart

is not beating

because

of

i whisper a prayer for you

if Jesus would breathe life into you

with love, deeper than the bluest ocean

and joy, brighter than winter snow

fill every bit every drop

overflow your cup

silent tears drips from my eyes

i know my love, can never be deep enough

to fill you up

if only i could rip my heart out?

or maybe stretch my skin so thin

so you could come in?

i can burn alive, so my soul would melt

it could be your living water

so you would never ever have to go thirsty

i beg Jesus silently

with every bit and every drop of my cry

please, my Jesus.

could you give my heart away?

ocean

will you take me?

ocean

will you free me?

i can grow a tail?

or i can learn how to sail?

i am not a mermaid

but i am deeply afraid

of the revolution; fasade grey

the spring is going to fade

the flowers will get slayed

and i refuse to stay

ocean

you are the only thing i can wade

will you accept my invade?

i know i am unpaid.

and i am not a mermaid.