He had a baby now, that was the situation - without any warning or preparation or even a hint that something like this was coming his way, Jorge Benitez had a son. That was all he really knew at the moment. He both wanted and needed to talk to Nova about what this did to their relationship and future, wanting more than anything for her to stay in his life, but he couldn't hold her to be burdened with the same responsibility that was just given to him. He knew his life wasn't over, but it had just started. He'd just decided to make solid decision in becoming a forensic auditor, what did that mean for him now with a child to look after? How was he supposed to make money? Could he in good conscience continue dealing? He didn't think so but he had no other options at the moment.
He watch Nova look at Isaac, as if doing so would allow him to read her mind. She studied the baby, and he studied the blonde, unable to calm the lurching in his stomach at the thought of this all being too much for her and that Isaac meant the end of them. "I didn't even think about allergies. I don't know he seems fine, maybe it was just an excuse." There was something comforting about Nova being able to tease a little, bringing slight levity to the very heavy, very draining situation. When she pinched his cheek, Isaac squirmed, making a few dissatisfied noises, but settled again, even quirking his lips in what seemed to be a smile, which was probably an involuntary twitch, but it broke open something in Benitez's heart; he already adored this little boy even if he scared him shitless.
"You don't have to, I can--." Despite her shock at the notion initially, Nova seemed to be game, and Benitez couldn't just sit there forever so he was about to stand and hand her the baby then stopped abruptly when she implored him to wait, "You scared the shit out of me." He breathed out then got up and as gently as he could, transferred hold of Isaac to Nova. It couldn't be described the feelings the image stirred in Benitez, feelings he'd never considered but he'd be lying if he didn't say seeing her with Isaac in her arms didn't provide him with some kind of comfort. He didn't dwell though, there was too much to take care of right now for that. Picking up the baby bag, Benitez brought it over to the coffee table and started removing it's contents. In the bag was a can of powdered baby formula, a few diapers, what appeared to be a few articles of clothing and an envelope. Inside it was a birth certificate, "I'm listed as the father on this." He looked closer, "This says he's about 1 and a half years old. He's a little small, isn't he?" Benitez didn't know shit about babies, but he did know that. "There isn't anything else in here." He put the paper down then sat next to Nova and Isaac then pulled out his phone, googling 'what should 1 year olds do?' and read aloud for Nova to hear, and got more upset as he read, "He's probably small because he isn't getting the nutrition he needs if she's only giving him a bottle still. What the fuck is wrong with her?" He combed his fingers through his curls in an effort to take a breather, "Alright, one step at a time. Doctor first thing tomorrow then the store to getβ¦fuck a lot of shit I guess. But we should talk while he's asleep, "You should know I'm not holding you to anything. He's my responsibility, not yours and this can't be comfortable for you. Do you want to tell me how you're feeling? Or I don't know... is he okay in your arms? I can take him back if you want?"
If she wasn't so bewildered by the baby in their care Nova would have been distracted by how cute she found the way Benitez was studying her, trying to get a read on her, like she often had when they had first started their relationship. And in the past it probably would have been easier to pick up on what she was feeling since she could never hide her emotions very well. Now that she had gone through her own fair share of traumatic events it wasn't so much that she was better at reeling herself in but she had learned to think before she reacted, most of the time. She also just wasn't quite sure how to react. Yes, she was sad and concerned for how Isaac was treated, the most innocent party in this situation. How he was let down by a parent, someone who was supposed to love and care for him. Both her and Benitez knew that feeling all too well. So of course she wanted to do everything in her power to make sure he was taken care of. But she also couldn't deny that there were feelings of frustration at how unprepared they were for a responsibility like taking care of a baby and concern for how this would ultimately effect her relationship with Benitez. And neither of those were thoughts she could let herself express at the moment without feeling completely selfish. So she sucked it up. In the long run none of that mattered because she wasn't going anywhere as long as Benitez still wanted her around. That much was all she was really sure of.
"I'm sorry, babe. I thought it was safer if I sat first. I haven't actually held a baby before. Is this alright?" Nova asked nervously as she held him. She was a little awkward and stiff with it but slowly, after making sure the move from his arms to hers hadn't disturbed his rest, she relaxed a bit. Nova had never been particularly maternal, even during her pregnancy the idea of having to protect a tiny life like that when she could barely take care of herself scared her. But the longer she held him and studied all his little movements and expressions she couldn't help but feel endeared towards Isaac. "He's really light. You said he can eat fruits and veggies, right? You have some we can cut up if he gets hungry later? Or do you think that might be too big of a change if he's used to the bottle?" Her brows furrowed in concern, as she tried to make some kind of plan for at least the rest of the night, not realizing she had involuntarily held him closer to her and rubbed his back gently.
"Oh, talk, right..." She trailed off, anxious this was leading to a bad conversation. Like a break up conversation. But she knew that was most likely her fear trying to psych her out, trying to prepare her for the worst. "I'm not gonna lie and tell you that i'm not uncomfortable. Or that I haven't been scared out of my mind over what this means for our relationship. If you even want or have time to prioritize a relationship anymore. Because everything's gonna change. And i'm not gonna lie, my heart hurts to think there's a whole part of your life now that I might not have a place in. That there's boundaries you probably aren't gonna want me to cross because he's not my kid." She sighed heavily, a knot forming in her throat as she fought to hold back tears. "Yeah, he's your responsibility. But you're my responsibility. So he's my responsibility too. That's what we agreed to when decided to love each other. To be a team. To have each others backs, even when things get tough. I want to support you. I want to be the person you can always lean on. I want to be with you. None of this changes that." A couple of tears flowed freely now, her emotions feeling like a pot boiling over, but the baby in her arms kept her from completely breaking down, almost centering her in an odd way. "I don't know if I can be everything you need in a partner to raise this little guy. I don't know if i'd make a good parent. I already failed at it once. I'm scared to do it again. But I wanna give it a shot for you two. Is that ok?"
