If you never shoot you'll never know

If she wasn't so bewildered by the baby in their care Nova would have been distracted by how cute she found the way Benitez was studying her, trying to get a read on her, like she often had when they had first started their relationship. And in the past it probably would have been easier to pick up on what she was feeling since she could never hide her emotions very well. Now that she had gone through her own fair share of traumatic events it wasn't so much that she was better at reeling herself in but she had learned to think before she reacted, most of the time. She also just wasn't quite sure how to react. Yes, she was sad and concerned for how Isaac was treated, the most innocent party in this situation. How he was let down by a parent, someone who was supposed to love and care for him. Both her and Benitez knew that feeling all too well. So of course she wanted to do everything in her power to make sure he was taken care of. But she also couldn't deny that there were feelings of frustration at how unprepared they were for a responsibility like taking care of a baby and concern for how this would ultimately effect her relationship with Benitez. And neither of those were thoughts she could let herself express at the moment without feeling completely selfish. So she sucked it up. In the long run none of that mattered because she wasn't going anywhere as long as Benitez still wanted her around. That much was all she was really sure of.

Jorge's life changed and while he wouldn't say for the worse, he knew it was for the harder. With a child to be responsible for he couldn't just get up and go whenever he wanted, couldn't stay out all night just because, hell he couldn't even go out on a date with Nova anymore without planning, not to mention how much money babies actually cost so his savings would for sure take a hit. Still, life had been tough before and this wouldn't touch that, and maybe it was his trauma or maybe just a resolve instilled in him, but Benitez would rather die than not be a better parent to Isaac than his own were to him.

Eyes narrowed, she studied him a moment, "Hm reckless maybe I could see. Otherwise I'd say it's working." Nova could be reckless too but she supposed they all were, in their own ways, and her and Benitez only made more and more sense as she got to know him better. "Not on this but you are usually- right, I mean. It's really annoying. I don't think so either. You make us sound so tough in your head," she teased, "The Lisbons who date greasers and don't yearn."

"Guess you just have to take my word for it then, huh? Growth is crazy I guess." There was a time where Benitez needed people to know he was trouble and that they shouldn't mess with him, he would damn near peacock but now he didn't feel like he had much to prove to people. "You don't think you guys are tough? You move through the world like a fuckin' wolf pack. On the outside looking in ya'll are plenty tough and fucking some greasers ain't got nothing to do with it."

Nova nodded at his plan so he knew that she was listening and that he didn't have to continue that train of thought if he didn't want to. That probably wasn't gonna stop her from doing her own snooping on the side once things settled down a bit. But right now the most important thing to focus on was the little boy in his arms and what needed to be done to keep him happy, healthy, and safe. She could tell by the look on his face and his demeanor that Benitez was already becoming attached to the kid, he already had that protective air about him that was reserved only for those he cared about. So she was sure that Isaac was sticking around in some capacity for the long haul. Having been present when he had been dropped off she understood why he probably felt the pull to step up, even if Isaac didn't end up being biologically his, he had ultimately been given responsibility of him the moment his mom stepped away. And he wasn't one to back away from his responsibilities. His heart was big and he had a lot of love to give, even if he did still believe he was rough around the edges.

He had a baby now, that was the situation - without any warning or preparation or even a hint that something like this was coming his way, Jorge Benitez had a son. That was all he really knew at the moment. He both wanted and needed to talk to Nova about what this did to their relationship and future, wanting more than anything for her to stay in his life, but he couldn't hold her to be burdened with the same responsibility that was just given to him. He knew his life wasn't over, but it had just started. He'd just decided to make solid decision in becoming a forensic auditor, what did that mean for him now with a child to look after? How was he supposed to make money? Could he in good conscience continue dealing? He didn't think so but he had no other options at the moment.

"I can't picture you angry," she said thoughtfully, a sign that whatever he was doing was clearly working. "Leave it to you to make friends in therapy though." And she supposed his therapy experience was a lot different than her's, since she tried group once and couldn't imagine going back, let alone hanging out with the people she'd met there. "I'll figure something out but thanks, for offering. No I am, I just needed to be annoying about it for a second. I'm not sitting here pining over them or anything though, it's just a crush."

"That's really fucking funny to hear, you don't even know the half of it. I got reckless when I got angry. That's how I landed in group in the first place, court ordered after I got myself caught up in some stupid shit." Benitez held up an 'okay' sign with his hand, "You'll want to take up my offer one of these days…mark my words, you know I'm always right. I don't think Lisbons got it in them to pine so we're on the same page. Crushes can be fun, they can be fucking torture too but it's looking like you're steering clear of that vibe. Smart woman."

With time she'd come to trust Benitez so much that sharing a major personal part of herself didn't feel like a confession, instead it was just something that'd help him understand her a little a better. "Um sometimes. It's not anything like it used to be, and I've felt it my whole life really but I'm on stuff for that now." She could be honest in admitting that she still felt down sometimes but she was a thousand times better than she had been. Cecily shot him a look, lips twitching up in a moment of levity, "I'm not treating your apartment like it's a motel. And besides, I've never even explicitly said I'm into Stradlin." Because they both knew she didn't need to say anything but she digressed. "You're the one pushing a narrative."

"Yeah I get that. I have or…had always will have to some degree I guess anger issues. I had to go to this like court appointed group therapy, got on my fuckin' nerves but I met my best friends there and it helped obviously I'm the chill guy you see in front of you today." He grinned, people need different tools to handle their shit." He rolled his eyes, sometimes he could see parts of the Lisbon sisters in others, and just then Benitez had seen the second oldest one, the rigid one, Marina - it made him laugh, "I ain't tellin' you to clam dive or nothing, you used the excuse you wouldn't have privacy to hang so I offered a solution. Stradlin, whoever, if it's something you want to explore then where there's a will there's a way. Are not on that anymore? No shame in losing interest, it happens."

"Shout out to Bridget," she chuckled, echoing what he'd said earlier. Make out was perhaps too strong of a word for what Cecily had done but she'd kissed a few girls before- and a handful of boys, but she quickly decided that wasn't for her. "Yeah but only more recently. And I had a friend, when I was younger- typical I know, and that was just once." She pushed that feeling down as far as it'd go, scared of what might happen if her parents ever found out, and then she lost that friend — not even because of what they'd done but because Cecily was so pervasively sad around that time, she was a bummer to be around. "I was.. depressed for a really long time, like debilitatingly almost, so. I was pretty busy with that."

For a moment Benitez thought she was going to tell him that no, she'd never made out with anyone. It felt like another level of friendship they were crossing over into and without any real fanfare - she just deemed him safe enough to divulge that to him and he would receive it, "Hmmm yeah alright. With what I know about your folks, C, you get all the grace in the world for that. I'm sorry it fucked up what you had going though. Do you ever find yourself back in that place? Debilitatingly depressed? In any case, if it's what you want? To get back on the horse with Stradlin, I'd let you use my place to watch a movie spy free. I'll take Nova out for a few hours and the place is all yours."

"Probably, I don't want to make assumptions- billionaire?" Cut off by a pillow to the face, she laughed and immediately hurled it back at him. If Bridget was dating some billionaire's stoner son then yeah good on her. "Hey I don't know shit about it either, not firsthand anyway." Getting her firsthand experience seemed to be where Benitez's mind was headed, and she eyed him warily. Her innocence was only a byproduct of her sheltered upbringing, as she had no problem talking about sex so long as it was more of an abstract concept. It was sharing her own desire for it that she was still warming up to. "So a couple issues with that... I'm not inviting Stradlin over, not with so many sisters who like to eavesdrop. And I don't know, I've obviously never.. hooked up with anyone."

"With a fuckin''B'. I'm a fuckin' dealer and I couldn't tell you how many times I've gotten free weed from bro, he likes to pass that shit out like candy. Or at least he used to I haven't seen him in a while, but I also haven't been looking." Benitez would have been shocked if Cecily told him that she wasn't a virgin, but her being as innocent as she looked wasn't surprising at all. "Okay you've never hooked up but I mean you've made out with girls before right?"

She shot him a little satisfied grin at his comment, totally past the point of ever trying to play it cool with him. "I mean I don't know, last I checked she was. It might be casual, or even over by now, but it seems like she likes him. His name is Tate, I don't know much but he's not greaser affiliated, and he's kind of goofy from what I've seen, but so are you. Maybe there is a type." Despite being part of the Lisbon ecosystem herself, Cecily felt like more of an observer sometimes too but she didn't feel like it was necessarily a bad thing. As the youngest, she spent her whole life looking up to her sisters, picking up on each of their individual quirks, noticing habits of their's. She liked sharing some of her findings with Benitez, someone outside the Lisbon echo chamber. "Okay, okay." She sunk back into the couch as he started the movie, barely moving an inch through the entire runtime. "That was really good," she agreed once the movie was over, and sat up a bit. "It almost feels like.. they're in a maze, with the way all the rooms are shot. And yeah it's really hot too but I needed to say something smart first."

"Tate? Tate T--is he a huge pot head but weirdly buff for a guy whose a huge pot head? I only know of 1 dude named Tate he's like the son of a billionaire so if it's the same guy then shout out to Bridget and who you calling goofy?" He asked faux offended as he grabbed a couch pillow and whacked Cecily in the face one good time with it." The movie really was that good, maybe even one of his all time favorites (he did love a good mob movie), he laughed at her summation, "Yeah, I don't know shit about being a lesbian but I feel like that's some of the better sex scenes, didn't feel like soft core porn. Yo, you know what? You should asked Stradlin to watch a movie with you, casual you know? I remember Ainsley telling me plenty of times that she couldn't quantify how many of her hook ups happened while watching The L Word with a girl. Yeah I can see it - make your room all cozy so you've got to be in close proximity and chemistry does the rest."

If this whole situation had her reeling she couldn't imagine what was going through Benitez' head at the moment. For life as he knew it to change so drastically within just a few minutes. To go from his happy go lucky way to suddenly become someone's dad. Nova took the keys from him opened the door, making her way around him to gently nudge his back, leading him and Isaac inside. "I figured that's what you'd say. Even though I don't like the idea of just letting this chick run off and live her life in peace after just abandoning her kid." She set the diaper bag down on his couch with a huff letting her frustration, not with the baby in their care now but with his mother, be known. She made her way over to them, slowly, trying her best not to make any movements that would upset Isaac more. "I'd hate to see him uprooted yet again because of the actions of his mother. I guess until we figure something out his place is with us." She offered a small, reassuring smile to Benitez, her way of communicating that whatever he decided the next step would be that she would have his back. That she was in this with him. "Wh-why are you apologizing? There's nothing to apologize for. This is something that happened before us. And it's pretty obvious you had no idea." She reached out to rest a hand on the side of his face, softly running her thumb along his cheek in what she hoped could offer some kind of comfort even though she was just as out of her depth as he was. And despite her own trauma with babies. She had to step up and be the strong one for them this time. "Okay, babe. Take a couple of deep breaths. One thing at a time." After a quick glance at Isaac to make sure he was still chilling out she turned back to Benitez. "I don't think anyone really knows what they're doing when it comes to babies. If not there wouldn't be hundreds of books and facebook parent groups. Everything else is just trial and error. But, you might be more of a natural than you think. You got him to stop crying. That's a good sign."

"She's not going to I'm going to call her or ask around about her, I don't know but she can't just…" Benitez didn't know if he believed in the efficacy of his plan, but what else did he have? The fact that the baby wasn't going to be handed off to the authorities in any capacity was about the only thing he did know. Even if Isaac well and truly was his, they'd likely take him until a DNA test could be done to determine it. Benitez only got a small taste of the system less than a year after his mom left and someone called the cops on his dad when they heard him beating up on Benitez, but it was bad enough that he'd rather live with his dad than be lost in it.

After being together for as long as they had Nova believed she could safely say that her and Benitez were stable. He was by far the longest relationship she'd had and the one person in the world who knew her best outside of her sisters. She was fully convinced that they knew everything about each other at this point, or at least the important bits. Which was why it took her by complete surprise for some woman she had never seen or heard of dump a kid into his arms. But judging by his reaction Nova could tell this was the first he was hearing of this child he supposedly fathered. At first she wasn't really sure how to react to the scene unfolding in front of her, there was so much happening at once and she wasn't sure if it was her place to interject especially now that a baby was somehow involved in the picture. But she shook that thought away quick when this Mina chick continued to brush off Benitez, barely letting him get a word out or having any kind of conversation about him keeping the kid? Was that really what she was doing? Just abandoning the kid like some toy she was tired of playing with? Nova wasn't very scary looking and was far from a fighter but if there was one thing that was true about the Lisbons it was that they were fiercely protective of their people, and he was her person. She stood in front of her to try to stop her from leaving and managed to slow her escape but almost got knocked on her ass as the other woman shoved past her. Bitch, she mumbled under her breath. She thought about chasing the lady down but staying with Benitez was far more important to her. She hurried over to pick the diaper bag up from in front of him. "I don't know, baby. We should probably go inside before your nosy as-" She stopped herself before cussing in front of the baby. "your neighbors start making a scene." She made her way over to open the door to his apartment, the gears in her head turning as she thought about the next move. But Nova wasn't much of a planner she usually just went with the flow. "I guess we could get cops involved but for what? To track his mom down? I don't trust that the way she just left him. Right now I think this might be the safest place for him to be."

Benitez was experiencing something close to shell shock, crying child in his arms that may or may not be his own. That in itself was something he couldn't conceptualize, was he someone's father? Had he known he wouldn't have done nothing, not in a million years, and what did she mean by something was wrong with him? He was crying but that's what babies did, was it not? "Right yeah alright." He maneuvered to get his keys from his pockets with Isaac in his arms and gave them to Nova. "No." Was his knee jerk to cops, "No cops, not yet. Maybe not ever." He didn't know much of anything right now but he knew he wasn't just going to discard the kid into the system which is all the cops would do. "Yeah…" He took his first real look at Isaac then, his tiny face scrunched up as his little lungs screamed out. Did he look like him? Who could say for certain? He just looked like a baby but was that his nose? He had a thick head of hair but there was nothing that was definitive. He held Isaac closer to his chest, and finally the baby began to quiet down, "Nova I…I'm sorry, I swear to God I had no idea. She and I slept together once before I met and I never heard from her again." He looked down at Isaac again, "He's...how do I know if he needs to eat? What does he eat? How was she treating him?Fuck... I don't know what I'm doing."

She pursed her lips a second then shrugged, "There's too many opinions as is- that's why we're almost through June and don't have a summer vacation planned yet. I'd rather do the later decision making, and let the others narrow it down first." Realizing he'd extended his pen towards her, and wasn't just waving it around, she hesitated a moment then took it, hitting it how he'd showed her to before. "I thought you'd like that one," she said in an exhale, proud herself for not coughing (okay, barely coughing), and passed the pen back to Benitez. "Greaser affiliated, greaser adjacent, it all counts. It's really just you and Diego though, Bridget's boyfriend, or boy she's seeing, is just some guy and Tessa...," she stopped that thought as she realized it wasn't helping her case. "It's different for me, I don't like men. You can't just lump me in with everyone else."

"Yeah, I'd probably do the same thing, just ride the wave. A vacation is a vacation, right?" Benitez didn't push Cecily to smoke but always offered, sometimes she accepted, sometimes she didn't but when she did, she was even more hilarious than usual, "Hey you're getting better at that." He added as he took the pen and flipped it between his fingers, "I didn't know Bridget was seeing a guy, she's tight lipped as hell. He cool though? What do you know about him?" The longer he dated Nova, the more invested Benitez became in the Lisbon ecosystem though he was just an observer more than anything. He was sure Nova probably mentioned it in passing but since it was only in passing he didn't think it was anything too official. He grinned even wider as his point was once again proven, "Nah, nice try a rough neck is a rough neck, gender don't have nothin' to do with it. Alright enough talking, let's watch this fuckin' movie." He said and pressed play, thoroughly enjoying the movie all the way through, "What did you think, I think it might actually be a goated movie."

"Sometimes. I'm usually brought in when there's at least an idea of a plan, not in the early conceptual stages." The phrase at the tip of her tongue wasn't very cool and so she frowned, reaching in her brain a second for something that wasn't about a library or bathroom. "Library is doseogwan- oh, you'll like this one- sanggwanhaji ma. That's 'it's none of your business'." Benitez was her friend of course but he teased her the way she assumed an older brother would, and sure, she looked up to him a little too, even if she'd never let him know as much. "Oh yeah I know about that one. Like probably." Eyes still on the movie thumbnail, she looked between the two women and bit back a grin, then side-eyed Benitez. "Can you stop making correct assumptions about me?"

"And how do you feel about that? Do you like it or do you wish you were there from the early conceptual shit?" He asked while silently offering her the pen to hit. He repeated after her with a slow, careful "Doseogwan", grinning pleased with his pronunciation even if it was most likely bad. He grinned even bigger at the phrase she settled on, "Fuck yeah to that, C. Those are the magic words right there, that's why you're the homie." He shrugged, "Hey, I am just naturally always correct, I don't know what to tell you. I'm just born this way. This one though, not that hard to figure out. You Lisbon women do like your rough necks. Exhibit A." He motioned to himself, "I'm only greaser affiliated, some days I'm almost surprised I made the cut...almost."

"Not really, why, what are Nova's summer goals?," she asked teasingly, knowing it was something that'd surely stemmed from her sister. "I don't know about a Lisbon retreat, I'm usually looped in on those last. I have been working on my Korean though, if we're doing that again." There were so many movies Cecily missed in her upbringing, and she spent a lot of their first few years away from their parents playing culture catch up, holed up in her room with a book or album that apparently everyone knew but her. Lesbian movies were a newer concept to her, and she still didn't see why Benitez knew so many, but she appreciated the education regardless. "It's always sad- oh, sure. I trust your taste. Bride of Chucky, is she on the left, red lipstick?"

"I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you, those are state secrets, Lisbon." Benitez told her with a deadly serious look then grinned at her. "What? They tell you based on age or something? Shit I'm so glad I'm the only child in that case. Tell me some shit in Korean, something cool too not like where is the library or something." It was true he didn't have any siblings of his own, but he did enjoy being something of a defacto older brother figure to her even if he thought of Cecily as a friend, there were those brotherly feelings by virtue of her being younger and more in her shell. "Yeah, Ainsley and me have had many many….many discussions about movie tropes especially in queer films and the number 1 is 'bury your gays' aka sad shit. "Yeah, that's her. Hell of a woman, right. But I guess the other one is more your taste, right? Her lips are A1."

"Yeah, but you're more like a chihuahua. You mostly like to bark. And you'll bite some ankles when you're feeling scrappy. But I can take it. Bring it." His kiss distracted her momentarily but served as a reminder that he knew most if not every one of her weaknesses, it was nice to think that someone out there knew her deeply enough to have that info. Still that didn't stop her from sticking her tongue out at him. "And you love it. You'd get bored if I made things easy for you." She said with a shrug, unashamed in her theatrics. He was partly to blame given how comfortable he had made her feel with him, that she could be as loud and dramatic as she needed, and it wouldn't push him away. "Maybe that's why none of these ideas feel right. I'm worried nothing's gonna be as good as that trip." She smirked, slinging her arms over his shoulders to pull him in. "Remind me what I get out of it."

"I'm like a chihuahua?! See I know you're trying to get a rise out of me but fuck you anyway. You're a poodle then." The walk back to his place was short, and Benitez believe it or not preferred to walk, especially when the weather was out. If he was alone it gave him time to think, and if it was with Nova or his friends then it was just a vibe and who knows what they would see on the way to their destination? "You're always so infatuated about me getting bored, what if you're the one to get bored of me huh?" He shook his head, "Oooh you're chasing the dragon, yeah don't do that. Haven't you ever heard comparison is the thief of joy? Plus it would be kind of sad if as far as vacations go you peaked on the first one." Nova was being spicy but what else was new, part of what he liked about her was that they would go back and forth just because even if they were on the same page, "Head for one. Do I need to go on?"