Sky🥀

And he not making none of that out the jar shit, HE HAS TOMATOES AND ONIONS AND HES ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE THE SPAGHETTI SAUCE FROM SCRATCH.

AND HE ASKED IF HE COULD BRING HIS FRIEND AND HIS FRIEND JUST CAME IN AND HE IS FROM FRANCE AND HIS ACCENT 😩 PLS LORD HELP ME IM JUST TRYING TO STUDY. I GOT FINALS TOMORROW. WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?

HE CUTTING ONIONS LIFTING UP HIS SHIRT AND HIS ABS LIKE OMFG😩 THE DEVIL IS WORKING TONIGHT.

YALLLLLLLLL. HE IS SO FINE. I JUST GOT A LESSON IN HOW TO MAKE MEATBALLS. HE JUST TOUCHING MY HAND AND SHIT LIKE THIS ISN’T REAL LIFE. 

AND I GO SIT DOWN  HE TURN AROUND LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO BE MY LITTLE TASTE TESTER RIGHT? LIKE YAASSSSSSSSSSSS. WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO TASTE I WILL TASTE. 

SO HE LIKE OKAY COME TASTE THE SAUCE SO I COME OVER TO THE POT AND I HOLD OUT MY HAND AND HES LIKE NAH YOU GOTTA LICK THE SPOON LIKE ..AND HE DEMONSTRATES LIKE NIGGA YOU NOT SLICK YOU JUST TRYING TO SHOW WHAT THAT MOUTH DO. SO I LICK THE SPOON AND THIS SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCKKK. LIKE Y'ALL THIS THE BEST SAUCE I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. MY TASTE BUDS WERE JUST SINGING. LIKE OMG. SO IM TRYING TO COLLECT MYSELF AFTER THIS GOOD ASS SAUCE AND HE TALKING ABOUT WE JUST HAD BORDERLINE SEX. BORDERLINE?? MY NIGGA JUST THROW ME ON THE COUNTER AND LETS GOOOOO.

so he make me a plate AND THIS SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCK LIKE OMG. THIS SHIT TASTE LIKE HEAVEN ON A PLATE. SO ANYWAY WE JUST CHILLING ON THE COUCH CHOPPING IT UP AND HE TOUCHES MY KNEE. Y'ALL MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY BODY AND IS LOOKING DOWN AT ME LIKE 👀. THIS NIGGAS HAND ARE SOFT AS FUCK LIKE WHAT DO HE BE USING ON HIS HANDS? I AINT NEVER FELT ANYTHING SO SOFT. GOD WHY DID YOU BLESS HIM WITH THESE SOFTER THAN A BABYS ASS HANDS? YOU KNOW I HAVE TO STUDY, YOU KNOW I GOT FINALS TOMORROW. YOU KNOW.

So we just talking and shit and then all of a sudden we kissing. YALL I AINT NEVER BEEN KISSED LIKE THIS BEFORE. EVER IN MY WHOLE ASS LIFE. HIS LIPS WERE SOFT AS SHIT AND HE KISSING ME ALL EXTRA SLOW AND ANY SOUL I HAD LEFT IS GONE. ITS LEFT MY BODY AND IS CACKLING IN THE CORNER WITH THE DEVIL. SO WE KISSING AND HE MOVES HIS HAND UP MY THIGH AND MY HEART START RACING FAST AF. IM LIKE OH SHIT ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. OUTTA NOWHERE HE STOP KISSING ME AND HE SAY SOMETHING BUT IM GONE AS FUCK. THIS NIGGA WAS DEAD ASS TALKING AND I DIDNT HEAR A WORD HE SAID,MY BRAIN WAS IN A PUDDLE IN MY PANTIES.

So I’m trying to recollect myself and I’m like what? and he say something about my roommate. So I’m like nah she said she not coming back until 12 so you’re good daddy 😉 AS SOON AS I SAY THAT MY DOOR OPEN AND IN HER COCKBLOCKING ASS COMES. I WAS SICK. IM JUST LOOKING AT HER LIKE BITCH!! YOU STILL GOT 2 HOURS 22 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS BEFORE YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME.. WHAT YOU DOIN? SO IM SENDING HER SPIDEY SIGNALS AND SHIT LIKE BITCH BE GONE AND WHAT DOES SHE DO? SHE SITS HER HAPPY ASS DOWN ON THE COUCH NEXT TO ME TALKING ABOUT “WHAT ARE Y'ALL UP TO?” BITCHHHHH WHAT DO YOU THINK? IM TRYING TO GET SOME ITALIAN SAUSAGE.

Eventually he started getting ready to go and I went to help him pack up his things. So my roommate go to the bathroom and he speaking shit in Italian. My soul is gone, my panties are destroyed and idk what else this man wants from me. So I ask him what he said and he talking about WE ARE NOT DONE ILL BE OVER EVERY SATURDAY TO COOK FOR YOU IS THAT COOL? COOL? MY NIGGA THATS ICE FUCKING COLD WORD TO OUTKAST. SO I ASCENDED TO HEAVEN TO HAVE A ONE ON ONE WITH GOD LIKE WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?? IF THIS IS A TEST GOD IM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW I WILL FAIL REPEATEDLY SO PLS DONT TEST ME. MY ROOMMATE COMES BACK OUT AND HE LEAVES AND I TURN AROUND TO SMACK THIS GIRL AND SHE HAS THE NERVE TO SAY DID YOU NOTICE HE HAD A HARD ON THE WHOLE TIME. BITCHHHHH! I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO NOTICE SHIT IF YOU HADNT CAME IN. I WOULDVE FELT THAT SHIT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. and that’s the story on how I murdered my roommate so when I go to jail i'ma need y'all to come bail me out.

😂😂💀

@salemmacabre I hope this person passed creative writing 

Imagine your OTP, and then write a fic about it.

I

If I was JFK I would have just dodged the bullet

If I was JFK I would have made shooting me illegal

This is called “Growth” and should be encouraged!

The boy forgot the word for soulmate and his brain thought, “it’s called secret Santa”

she’s letting me take her to build a bear and I am so excited

what a damn excellent post

RAGE ONLY MAKES LOVE HARDER TO STOP

why are people even questioning obesity in america

why is your tea liquidised?

….. Where exactly do you live that the tea isn’t liquid?!?

No it’s sweet tea you drink it cold

WHO DRINKS COLD TEA???

HAVE YOU NEVER HAD ICED/SWEET TEA BEFORE?!?

England, you stole tea from China.  You’ve had it a mere 4 centuries compared to their 30+.  Don’t play like you’re some kind of authority.

[skeletons ooh-ing]

Shots fired. World War Tea has officially begun.

#INTO THE HARBOR

Englad doesn’t own anything

except that time we owned most of the world

If ya girl suck on your fingers when y'all fucking then wife that demon