it's like one, two, three

Laine: Why would I do that? Puns are a high form of literature! And they're also like....hilarious, so I would never lol.

Elodie had really been hoping her date would not see her acting a fool in front of what felt like half the population of Walt, but luck had never in her favor and there he was witnessing the whole thing. “You might be one of the only people to think that ‘mess’ isn’t fitting. Clearly we don’t know each other well enough yet.” She rocked back on her heels awkwardly, not knowing whether she should even be trying to cover up her mostly bare legs or if this was just a look she was going to rock for the rest of the snowed in night. She was about to suggest she just go hide in a bathroom stall when Link offered up his jacket. “Oh, yeah! If you don’t mind? Otherwise I might have to go cut up a curtain or something and I can’t get kicked out so I’d probably just be publicly shamed.” 

“I definitely don’t mind,” Link laughed, passing the suit jacket over to her with zero hesitation. He still kept his eyes averted, figuring the nice thing to do was let Elodie make whatever adjustments she wanted in relative solitude. “I mean, there’s not a date handbook or anything -- not that I tried to find one before tonight to read or anything -- but if there were I’m pretty sure offering your date your jacket, no matter why they might need it, would be on the checklist of how to not suck.” He shrugged, finally looking back to meet Elodie’s eyes, smiling warmly at her to let her know that he wasn’t phased by all of her... whatever was going on with her. “Although if you have any pointers on how to get to the next level up from ‘not sucking’ I’m all ears. We can still have an awesome night, ruined dress and all.”

“No, no, no!” Elodie mumbled angrily, trying to catch the seam of her dress that was quickly coming apart. “This is what I get for trying to splurge on something nice! I should’ve just asked to borrow one of Ocean’s! UGH!” She continued on ranting to herself, chasing her dress around in a circle as the skirt literally fell apart right in front of her. “I’m finally matched with someone cute and nice and who hasn’t left me to go have sex in a bathroom and I look like a mess!” She finally caught the string and tried to rip it with her teeth so it wouldn’t spread anymore, but ended up ripping it further and the entire lower half of her dress swung off, landing a few feet away from her on the ground. She’d be totally embarrassed if she wasn’t wearing spandex underneath and for the fact that Smees have no shame, but it didn’t stop tears from welling up in her eyes out of frustration. “Yeah, yeah! I lost my skirt! Take a picture it’ll last longer!” She snapped at those around her who had turned to stare at her unfortunate mishap. 

Link felt like he hadn’t seen his date in a while, and he was starting to get a little bit concerned. His first instinct wasn’t even to assume that he wasn’t exciting enough to be her date, or that she might have ditched him for someone else; instead, he just hoped she hadn’t fallen into a toilet somewhere or accidentally gotten stabbed with a high heel. When he finally did find her, it took all he had not to chuckle. “You look beautiful, Elodie,” he told her, trying to interrupt her rant. “Maybe a little frazzled, but ‘mess’ isn’t the word I’d pick for you.” Although as he watched her in her worked up state, he supposed he could see where she got that word from. The rest of her dress went flying, and he politely averted his eyes, not wanting to embarrass her by gawking at whatever was underneath. “Do you want my jacket? You could tie it around your waist and use it as a makeshift skirt. Or just wear it as a dress; we could probably find you a belt or one of cupid’s ropes or something to tie it together.”

Laine: ba dum tss....that WAS a pun, right?

Laine: ha! "Do you know the muffin man?" "Yes, I stole from him".

Dolly: omg what even is a GOON. Like, a gargoyle??? Oh GOD dare I ask what Goodnight Boobs says goodnight to in a cutesy manner?

@dollymilne and @dawndupont. No offense to their relationship intended; it just seems like a cleaner, easier objective since they’re not married. 

Burning books is a crime, right! Hearts can heal but you can’t put a book back together from the ashes. 

Dolly: Goodnight Moon :') I'm sure there's gotta be some weird goth baby books out there, right? Like 10 Little Gravestones or If You Give a Vampire Bat a Cookie or something?

Laine: They're usually kinda dark, with like...bodies of water behind the title font, actually. That actually sounds fun. Knock some muffins out of the way and replace them with Gillian Flynn novels haha.

Rosalie: Oh my--! Are you hurt? You have the wrong number, but are you alright?

Link: OH. Can I pretend I got it in my eye so that this is less embarrassing? Because other than the embarrassing thing, I'm fine!

Dolly: Last-minute Christmas idea for Teddy: a bunch of cute little goth baby clothes to hint that we want nieces and nephews already.

Dolly: Sounds like a good idea, right?

Teddy: BRO. I got mom and dad some hamsters for christmas because I figured they should have something to care for while we're all still away and I CAN'T FIND THEM. HELP! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

Laine: Oh. Well, I like a lot of mystery thriller books, I guess. Things that you would expect to turn into an HBO mini series.

text not meant for @enchantingrosalie !!