UnBearable

So Its been a minute.

And a lot has changed since then (like where did everybody go!?)

But, given where I am in my life I feel like coming back might be something that speaks to my life right now. Speaking of life, I think it might be time for a reintroduction/update:

I’m 30 now. I can’t say I ever thought I’d get here but welp, I guess that’s life. In some ways it feels like this is the perfect age for me. My teens were awkward and my 20′s were a mess. Being 30 feels more like I can grow into myself with my own opinions and ideas. I’ve tasked myself with figuring out what makes me really happy these next years and honestly, I’m so excited

I’m still a transmasculine genderqueer human. Even as language has shifted and moved in the past few years, those still seem to be the two that feel the most like me. I’ve been on T for 5 years and had top surgery about 4 years ago.

We are most definitely queer. I could claim a more specific label but honestly, as long as your politics are vibe with mine, we both think each other is hot, and you don’t have the emotional range of a teaspoon, I’m game. I will say I’ve got a soft spot for my fellow trans folks tho- We’re fucking awesome. I’m the primary in a polycule; It’s a big of ironing out since I’ve never been in a configuration like this but it seems to be going pretty well so far.

I started a PhD program this fall. Its been a huge shift from my job that got to be energy draining after the first year and a half. There was a lot of shit that I’m still having to unpack from that (thank you therapy) and will probably be for a while. Phd programs are everything and nothing like you expect. I knew it was gonna be hard, but the about of tearing apart of myself Im doing is a whole new level. I don’t think its all about school which is kinda nice. As of right now, I’m looking at how educators try and do gender work, but some other rumblings have been about class and gender.

After a number of years away from faith and spirituality, I’m finding my way back to religion again. Specifically, I’m converting to Judaism. I wasn’t sure this would ever happen but as I told some friends, if Moses can move to the desert and become a Jew, so can I (My Rabbi laughed at me and called me an over achiever). Plus, any religion that actually can acknowledge more than three genders is fine by me. Do I have some hesitations because I’m Black, Queer, and Trans, absolutely... and also my bones say that this is the path that I’m walking so here we are. Its a pretty new thing for me so, it’s safe to assume that there will be a fair amount of posts about this.

I’m still into crossfit and “#menswear” but I don’t have the same intensity about them as I used to. I’ve realized that some of what sat in the intersection of that were my feelings of shame about being a chubby trans person. I still love a good bowtie and have strong feelings about pants ( can we please stop cropping dress pant legs and making everything skinny fit?), but I’m leaning more toward wearing things that make me comfortable, as opposed to things that might take attention away from what my body may or may not look like.