What if I can't write or create anything with this hand anymore?
I want to do everything but everytime I begin something my hand shakes violently as if it's going to stop working, as how a candle light flickers ferociously before dying out, as how a flower smiles brightly before withering away, as if its reminding me that I don't have enough time to create something beautiful with it.
It trembles, urging me to do something, anything that has meaning, anything that would be remembered for its beauty when alive, not as the way it died helplessly.
So, I start, not knowing the destination, or the path I would be taking, I start it mindlessly without giving into the rushed voices that don't even form a correct sentence, not giving them a slight chance to cloud my mind.
Along the way, I hear whispers of myself telling me how I'm not giving my all for it, and hear my friends say, "you're doing too muchâ, âyou have a lot of interests", âyou could do everythingâ.
And after a while, when I stop for a break after the long walk, I hear them say, âwhat a waste of potentialâ, âshe can't fully focus on one thingâ but I smile at them gulping down the long awaited water that tasted foul in my mouth.
It is supposed to be relaxing, the break after the long walk, but why am I so anxious thinking about how to reach my destination? Why can't I take a break, eat something good, rest properly and start the journey again? That's what normal people do, then why can't I? Why am I so anxious about the destination that I don't even know?
I pushed down all the uneasiness in the drain and started out the journey again only to hear onlookers say, âit took her this long, yet she can't even reach itâ, âwho would even take that many breaks just to reach one placeâ. I may not have any defence against those comments, but I do know that it's none of their business.
I don't have to tell them how many colourful little towns I visited along the way, or how many different dishes I tried, or how much happiness I felt after experiencing strange adventures in those breaks I took.
So, I just fall deaf to those comments and continue my journey with content of having a chance to explore more. I haven't stopped thinking about the destination and I never will but that doesn't mean I don't have to find happiness in the form of colourful little towns along the way.
ps: I sprained my hand and can't do anything, so I felt so useless.
