Bunker

The Slytherin dorms didn’t have any windows. 

But you could tell that it was raining outside. 

Because the snakes’ common room was practically inside of the great lake, it was normal to hear the soothing sound of water sometimes but even worse than that - it was always so freaking cold. Even inside of the covers, you could feel your feet freezing. In some other time, for sure Sebastian would roll his eyes and get you fluffy socks without you asking. Sebastian. Just the thought of him made you curl up further in bed, clutching the blanket tighter to yourself. 

You knew it was raining outside because it was raining inside of you too. 

It was impossible to not wonder if it had something to do with the magic running in your veins. Since Isidora’s repository has been opened, the weather hasn't been the best. Grey clouds covered the sky, and you could feel the ancient magic still lingering in the air. Sometimes, waves of warmth just randomly ran through your body, pumping through your veins - just like it did when you gathered all of that power just to lock it in once more. Sometimes, echoes of voices whispered in your ear - just like it always did when you approached a concentrated spot of that magic. Not magic, no… a fucking burden. 

You never asked for any of this. There wasn’t anything special about you. So why, Merlin, why you of all incredible wizards out there, were cursed to carry that responsibility. 

The fate of the wizard world counted on you and because of that, Professor Fig was dead. 

The familiar sound of the cracking of your old door opening made you slightly peek your head to see who had come into the room.

“You missed dinner.” Ominis’ voice shattered the silence. “Again.” 

Your head fell back in the bed and an annoyed huff left your lips as you tightened the covers around you. Maybe if he thought you were sleeping he would leave. 

“I know you’re not sleeping.” 

Yeah, he could be blind, but sure wasn’t stupid. 

“I’m not hungry.” You mumbled quietly. Quite a few seconds followed your statement, when you thought you actually succeeded in scaring him away from there, you felt the edge of your bed sink, and you could sense the care Ominis took to avoid crushing your feet. “What do you want, Ominis?”

“I brought you an apple and some biscuits.” 

Every little one of his unsuccessful tries of reaching you kind of made you irritated but poor guy… you knew he was trying his best to look after you. Because that was the type of friend Ominis were. Deep down, you knew that guilt must have been eating him away as well - and his care towards you maybe was him trying to make up for his failed attempt of helping Sebastian. 

You slowly sat on the bed, for a moment being grateful that Ominis wouldn’t see the disheveled hair of a person who has barely gotten out of bed lately.

“Thanks.” You whispered out. Taking the napkin-wrapped treats from his hands, you took a small bite of one of the biscuits. Your stomach growled.

“You haven’t been eating… haven’t been out of this room.” Ominis started to list. “Have you even been showering?”

“...eventually.”

“(Y/N).” He called out making you immediately let out an angry sigh, entering defensive mode. 

“If you’re here to lecture me…”

“I’m not.” He stated. “I’m not. I’m just… trying to look out for you. For Merlin’s beard (Y/N), it’s not fair that you keep treating one of my best friends so poorly out of guilt.” 

Ouch. That one hurted. 

You knew it wasn’t fair to him. To keep splitting himself into your dorm and Sebastian’s, trying to put you both up back on your feet. To see his two best friends entering a black hole of sadness and trying to be the person to save you. But you never fucking asked for any of that. 

“I heard you crying the other night.” He continued gently, sensing your silence. “It’s alright. I’m not here to make you talk… I just didn’t want you to be alone with it all.”

Immediately you felt the uninvited hot tears blurring your vision. 

“I don’t know what to do, Ominis.” You confessed in a small straightened voice, already hoarse from the uncontrollable cry you were holding. 

“C’m here.” He opened his arms inviting you in. 

You collapsed into your best friend's embrace, letting all the stored-up tears pour out. He held you close, offering you all the comfort he had. It was more than enough, way more than you deserved.

“You did what you thought was right.” He eventually murmured, caressing your hair. You denied with your head, pulling back from his shoulder to meet his gaze.

“Was it, tho?” You shrugged, wiping the tears that were stuck to your cheeks. “Right… Trying to protect that stupid power killed Professor Fig-”

“His death was not your fault.” He interrupted. “It was Ranrok’s.”

“I’m not sure it was.” A dry laugh escaped your throat. “I don’t know what to think anymore. This power… it speaks to me, Ominis. I can hear it in my head.”

“And what does it say?” 

This made you reflect for a moment. “It’s not exactly it. It's more a.. them. I can hear the hurting that Isidora took out of the people, the whispers, the mumblings… I don’t know if keeping them locked was the right thing to do. Maybe she was right, maybe it deserved to see the daylight.” 

“(Y/N)...” Ominis started softly, interlacing your hand in his. “Are you telling me that you would prefer to be totally numb right now than feeling this sorrow?” 

You weren’t expecting that reflection. 

You were burdened to carry Isidora’s legacy. The ancient magic that allowed the wizards and witches who had it, to take away pain. In theory it was a lovely practice but taking away someone’s ability to feel hurt was more complicated than it seemed. 

“Your grief for Professor Fig makes him alive in your memories.” Ominis said. “You’re only hurt by Sebastian’s actions because… because of your love for him. I don’t think any of it would exist without the pain, darling.” 

Your heart twisted, ached, pounded fast in your chest. 

“Oh Seb.” You titled your head to the side, remembering the boy. “I wanted to be there more for him, I really wanted to.” 

“He says the same about you.” Ominis chuckles humorless. “He has been doing better, (Y/N). We even went to Hogsmeade last weekend. I honestly think he’s just embarrassed of it all. And of you. He knows what he did was wrong, he’s dealing with it.” 

“Right, wrong.” You rolled your eyes so fucking tired of that speech. “Is there even a line between them? The world isn’t black and white, Ominis.” 

He stayed quiet, surprised with your sudden anger for the world but not judgemental, no. Just attentive. 

“Harlow is in jail. But Rookwood is dead.” You shut your eyes, not wanting to remember everything that had happened to you. “I killed him, Ominis. Just because he was bad, does this make killing fine? This makes me any different than Sebastian?” 

Ominis’ lips turned into a fine line, knowing how delicate the whole situation was. He wanted to say ‘yes’, but it wasn’t that simple. You and Sebastian both used the killing curse on someone. You both took someone’s chance to do different, to do better. 

“I’m not here to point fingers.” He sighed. “And I don’t have the answer. All I know is that you both have people worried about you, who are giving you a chance to move on. You still have each other, for Merlin’s sake. But you’re about to lose all of that too if you keep treating yourself like this. You have to get out of this room, (Y/N).” 

His harsh tone made your eyes widen. But you knew he was right. 

“Ok.”

“Ok?” He repeated, surprised and suspicious of your defeat. 

“Yeah, ok.” You whispered. “I’ll do that.” 

“I’m always here for you, darling.”

“I know.” You said painfully, giving him a slight kiss on the knuckles. No matter how bad the situation was, Ominis was and was always going to be, there for you. “Tomorrow we leave for breakfast together, my friend.” 

..

“You’re a little troublemaker, aren’t you?” 

The baby mooncalf stared at you with those big wide eyes and tilted his head. 

“I believe you’re mistaking who is the real troublemaker around here, love.” 

The sound made you snap your head quicker than if you were in the middle of a fight. You would recognize that voice no matter where. Sebastian leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his smirk barely touching his mouth. 

Although you hated to admit it, Ominis intervention did in fact give you enough strength to take small steps back towards the world outside your blankets. The morning after it, when you stepped into the mess hall for breakfast, you could swear everyone stopped everything just to look at you. Maybe that kind of interaction was way too soon. So in the next few days, you decided to settle down by coming down to the snake's common room to have afternoon tea with your blind friend and some other colleagues. Then you started to attend classes - Professor Weasley never spoke a word about your absences. And one day you even decided to accompany Natty to see a round of the crossed wands (a bad idea, because when Lucan saw you, he made sure to hug you strongly and thank you for being the Hero of Hogwarts).

Urgh, that title made you nauseous. 

Poppy has been visiting your room of requirement to take care of the rescued beasts, even though you never asked her to. But you were grateful. You discovered that hanging out in there with her and the beasts was actually kind of therapeutic. 

“Just crossed paths with Poppy on my way here. She said you accidentally left the Vivarium’s doors open and the beasts turned the place upside down. I had to see it for myself.”

You rolled your eyes with his words. 

It wasn't the first time you heard his voice since your quarantine period was over, but it was the first time he was speaking directly at you. Every time you crossed paths with Sebastian, in the mess hall or in classes, your heart would miss a beat. He would stare at you like he wanted to say something more, but before he could open his mouth, you were already leaving. Distancing your way as far as possible. 

“For your information, it was them that found a way of breaking the enchantment and traversing the door ok?” You defended yourself, getting up off your spot. “And since you’re here, maybe you could actually help me take them back to the Vivarium?”

He pushed himself off the wall with a lazy shrug. “If you insist.” 

It took you some minutes of cursing and running around, until you could finally guide all of the animals back to their place. The unspoken awkwardness between you even disappeared for a while, it felt almost… normal. 

“And we’re done.” You said satisfied, when you pushed the last runaway toad frog back to their Vivarium swamp. 

At the lack of response, you frowned your eyebrows looking at Sebastian. He was frozen up, staring at your Threstals. 

Oh. 

“Seb-”

“I hate...” He interrupted you with a gulp. “I hate the fact that even if you weren't able to see them before, you would now because you watched me kill my…”

You sighed, looking away, and surprised yourself with how quiet and dark your voice turned. 

“He wasn’t the only one I saw dying these last weeks, Sebastian.”

You got out there in silence, choking on the defeating silence. He trilled behind you downstairs to the second floor of the room of requirement. 

He frowned. “You conjured a bed in here? Have you… been sleeping here?”

You shrugged. “Sometimes.” 

Sebastian sat by the edge of it watching as you started watering the plants, putting some books back on the shelf in an agonizing slow pace. He knew you were doing to stall whatever interaction was going to happen between you. He rolled his eyes, unable to stop himself, and in a sweep of his wand, everything magically straightened out. 

“What was that for?” You cried in indignation. 

Sebastian almost laughed at your annoyed face. 

He patted the spot beside him in the bed. “C’m here.” 

As you approached, he scooted his body further toward the center. As you braced yourself, placing one knee and an arm on the mattress to climb on, he tugged your arm, making you lose your balance and sending both of you tumbling down to lie side-by-side, facing each other.

You huffed, blowing away a few strands of hair that had fallen across your face.

“I forgot how much of a dick you are.”

He chuckled, helping you by putting the remaining unsolicited strands behind your ear. You froze, stopping squirming when you finally realized how close he was. His soft touch, his hazel eyes staring at yours… Merlin… you missed him. 

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian whispered softly after some seconds just looking into your eyes. 

“What are you being sorry for?” You answered in the same tone, slipping an arm beneath your head to cushion it. He did the same. 

“Everything.” He admitted with a sorrowful expression. “But mostly… for not being there for you. I know these last weeks have not been easy, I didn’t give you the support you needed after Fig’s death and… well, all of it.” 

You blinked, eyes burning with the mention of your old dear late professor. 

“We’re not so different, you and I.”

“Don’t” Sebastian said with a sharp voice, surprising you. “Don’t you dare compare yourself to me.” 

“Why not?” You frowned, shifting your gaze from one eye to the other. “I haven’t been there for you either, Seb.” 

“How can you still be thinking about me with all of that shit going on?” Sebastian cried. “I… I killed him, (Y/N). He was my uncle and I killed him” 

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. 

“... and that proves that we’re not so different.” 

Sebastian stared at you for a few seconds. “Deep down… I always asked myself if Solomon wasn’t the one responsible for Anne’s curse. Sometimes I comfort myself with this though as the reason why it was so easy to do it. But you, love… you killed the real person who cursed my sister. I will be forever grateful for that. I’m just so sorry that it had to be you… I know what kind of burden that is and I didn’t wish that on you.” 

You twisted your lips feeling the twist in your chest for listening to those words falling out of the lips of the boy your heart ached for. 

“You know that even if Anne hadn’t run away… I couldn’t have helped her, right?”

Sebastian sighed, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling.

He nodded slightly. “Yeah I figured it out with what Ominis told me you told him about your magic.” 

You raised an eyebrow. He continued. 

“You have been listening to it, haven’t you?” 

“After I entered in touch with Isidora’s repository, yes..” You gulped. “I hear the voices. All of those people. They were suffering, but inside. It was a loud pain. Anne’s problem has never been emotional, it’s physical. It’s way beyond what my power can reach.”  

He nodded again. It took him a moment to finally turn to his side once again and stare at you. Looking at his hazel eyes, you were sure you could lose yourself for eternity on them. “You’re only hurt by Sebastian’s actions because of your love for him” Ominis’ voice invaded your mind. Fuck you already had loosen yourself in Sebastian, didn’t you?

One night before he lost his mind, going to that damned Catacomb, Sebastian gifted you - or ruined you - with your first intimate act together. He kissed you like you were the only girl in the fucking universe and you let him own every single part of your body. It was already his anyway. 

“I’m glad you don’t hate me.”

“I could never, Seb.” You whispered feeling his hot breath in your skin because of his closeness. “We’re the same.” 

It was late at night when Ominis decided to check the room of requirement. He hadn’t heard from you, nor Sebastian for hours now and the quiet triggered something in him - you two were up to something. After summoning his desire to find you, the door of the seventh floor showed its way. Ominis entered, going down the stairs and thought his wand was deceiving him when his seismic vision showed… you two laying together in the bed?

Not only sleeping side by side, but actually… cuddling? 

Ominis opened a small smile. He conjured a heavy blanket for both of you and got out of the room. 

..

Since he opened his eyes, Sebastian knew it was going to be a hard day. 

The last two weeks have been - he dared to say - good. The void in his chest was starting to get a little smaller since you restarted speaking to him. The wounds were still stinging, don’t get it wrong, but the desperate agony got quieter knowing that there was hope for your relationship. 

He had been sleeping with you in the room of requirement, most nights. Comforting himself with the warmth of your body and the lingering touches under the sheets. You were both passing through a hard moment so he hadn’t dare make a move, how could he? Kiss you again after… after using the sparks of your power that remained in his body after sex to activate the relic. 

But yes, although he selfishly longed, during those mornings you woke up together, for you to realize he was rock hard cuddling against you - and that you would finally bless him with the feeling of being inside you once again - he contented himself with long hugs and whispered goodnights.

Unfortunately, your care could cure him only to a certain point, he bitterly realized. Your soft touch couldn’t stop his nightmares of his own voice screaming one of the forbidden curses. Not the same kind of love of course, but your company would never replace the familiar company of his own twin sister. 

“You’ve seen (Y/N)?” He asked Ominis when he popped down in his usual spot on the Slytherin table in the mess hall, not seeing you around for a bit now. 

His best friend shrugged. 

“Sometimes she still needs moments away from everyone, I wouldn’t worry much.” 

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. He knew Ominis well enough to recognize when something was off. “You’re hiding something.”

“I’m not.” Ominis said too quickly, shifting uncomfortably.

“Yes, you are. Tell me.”

Ominis stayed silent, staring at a piece of chicken on his plate for long enough to make Sebastian start shaking his leg anxiously. Had something happened to you? Had you finally realized that Sebastian was a horrible person and decided to cut ties?

Then he let out a long, tired breath. “I… I received a letter from Anne.” 

Oh.

Sebastian’s heart lurched in his chest with the information he wasn’t expecting. His fork slipped from his hand, clattering against his plate. “What did it say?”

“She’s been… struggling. I’m worried about her. I’m going to see her this weekend.”

Sebastian’s pulse thundered in his ears. “Let me go with you.”

“You know I can’t, Sebastian.”

He knew. 

But it didn’t make it hurt any less. The words cut deeper than he expected. His throat burned, his eyes stung, and for a terrifying moment, he thought he might break down right there in the middle of the Great Hall. 

That haunted day in the Catacombs when he lost his uncle, he also lost his sister. 

Anne couldn’t stand the sight of Sebastian anymore. Now, she was suffering alone, and he knew getting Cruciated would have been a mercy by comparison. Ironic how he never even knew what that pain felt like. Sebastian had flirted with danger, casting Unforgivables as if they were nothing, hurting everyone around him while remaining completely unscathed himself. He wanted to return on that day in the Scrythorium, beg you to cast the malediction on him instead, to curse him like you truly mean it and-

A sudden realization struck him. He pushed back from the table and left without another word, although Ominis tried to call him back, the clamor of students faded into nothing behind him. He didn’t know where he was walking until his feet brought him to the one place he knew you would be.

The Undercroft.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

You sat cross-legged on the cold stone floor, your gaze fixed on the Triptych. You didn't even bother to look away when Sebastian’s voice resonated through the chamber.

“I keep thinking… there has to be more, Seb. Some reason for all of this. Some way it could have ended differently.” You admitted quietly. “I wish Isidora would show up and explain me her side of the story, explain me how the fuck control this burden.” 

Sebastian frowned as he took a seat beside you on the floor, licking his lips thinking about the most careful ways to approach you. 

“Don’t call your magic a burden, love.”

You scoffed. The two of you passed some minutes in silence looking at the empty painting on the wall.

“How… Did it make you feel? Getting in touch with the repository.”

You frowned at his question. “I already told you that.”

“No, you told me the consequences of it. But never how it felt at the time.” 

The thought of it immediately made your throat close, overwhelming panic growing inside.

“Warm.” Your tongue let it slip before your mind could reflect. “I thought it was going to explode me. It was so so strong.” 

Shame flushed your cheeks with the devious thought that followed, a whine escaping your lips. “But Merlin, I’ve never felt so good. It was powerful, it made me feel untouchable. It numbed me to anything else, just left the feeling that anything was possible.”

Sebastian’s lips parted with your confession. Oh he could imagine what that felt like. He remembered the taste of it when he was inside of you. 

“What kind of twisted person am I to have enjoyed the feeling of the thing that killed Fig?”

He was quick to cup your cheeks with his hands, thumb wiping a single tear that fell off your eye. He noticed his fingers were already trembling a little. 

“No, no, no…” Sebastian whispered. “Darling, his death was an accident. Don’t blame your magic.”

He didn’t let go, his knuckles caressing your face with a devastating tenderness. His thumb dipped lower, tracing the contour of your lips. His eyes were wide - filled with softness and a deep, aching hurt all at once. In the heavy silence, he wondered if you could listen to his heartbeat.

“You’re so good, my love.” Sebastian praised with a whisper. “I’m amazed by you, by what you can do, how you fight. You have a gift, you hear me? You’re so good.”

The praises made your eyes close, for the first time in weeks, relaxing into the promise that you weren’t evil. You felt Sebastian drop his forehead into yours, the closeness making you melt into him.

“What if you could still do good with it?” He suggested, shallowing dry, heart racing. He quickly continued when felt you backing away a bit, confused. “Ominis told me that Anne sent him a letter, that she’s been struggling…”

You almost rolled your eyes, a bitter taste crawling up your mouth. 

“I’ve told you that I can’t take away her pain-“

“I’m not asking you to take away her pain” Sebastian denied with his head, staring you dead in the eyes. “Take mine.”

Of all the things you expected to hear from him, nothing could have prepared you for this.

You pulled back, forcing yourself to meet his hazel eyes, and a cold tremor shook your body. You found yourself staring at the exact same desperation in his expression he had worn in the Catacombs. 

“What-”

“Listen to me.” Sebastian interrupted turning his whole body to ours. “We’ve both been fucking miserable after everything. You think I don’t hear you mumbling in your sleep? That I don’t hear you crying in the shower? I know it cause I’ve been the same fucking way. It’s never going to pass, (Y/N). Not really.” 

Sebastian hooked a hand behind your knee and drew you inward. He sat back with his legs parted, adjusting your position until you were tucked against him, your legs resting heavily over his own. 

“Take our pain… think about it, getting rid of this agony, of this guilt. (Y/n), we’re almost graduating, we can run away together. Start over, away from these feelings.” 

Every fiber of your being urged you to pull away, you were well aware of how masterfully he could manipulate a situation. Yet, the promise of an easy escape from this miserable state was intoxicating. Perhaps, you could finally understand Isidora’s choice.

“Seb, I can’t… I-”

“Yes, you can, love. You can.” He was growing desperate, his hand squeezed your shoulders then they slipped to squeeze your hands. “Today when Ominis told me about Anne… I feel like drowning. Fuck-” He was trembling. “It’s fucking killing me. I can’t do this anymore.”

You hated seeing him in that situation. You hated being in that situation. 

In your mind, you could see the pity looks everyone in Hogwarts threw at you when they saw your state. Of course you wanted to get better, it was killing you too… suddenly, a warm wave of ancient magic started to grow in your belly as the voices restarted mumbling in your head. 

“Please, sweetheart.” His right hand brought yours up to his lips. He kissed your knuckles first, then the back of your hand, his breath warm against your skin. “Please.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, overwhelmed. Your heart was a frantic beat in your chest, and your mind raced a mile a minute. 

“I’m afraid Seb…”

“What are you afraid of, darling? Hm?” He shushed you, his voice a low, vibrating murmur against your skin. He began to trail slow, feather-light kisses from your cheek to your jaw, then down to the sensitive curve of your throat. “Look, the Pensieve is still here. There’s goblin silver in it, isn’t there? We can put our sorrow in there... and forget it ever existed.”

‘You’re only hurt by Sebastian’s actions because of your love for him. I don’t think any of it would exist without the pain.’

You gulped when Ominis’ words invaded your head.

“I’m afraid that taking away the hurt in me, it will take away my love for you as well.” 

It was enough to make Sebastian freeze. 

He slowly pulled back from your skin, his breath hitching. This was the first time you had ever told him you loved him. His eyes were a mirror of admiration and surprise, flickering with an aching love that seemed to battle the hurt he still carried.

Fuck, you loved him. 

A few weeks ago, he would dream about those words coming out of your mouth. You were a good team, worked well together. But there was a bitter taste in hearing them now… how could he have fucked you up so bad that you were doubting the solution of getting better just because if would take away your feelings for him? After everything he’s done… Sebastian definitely did not deserve a love like that. 

Suddenly, his expression hardened, a much darker glint reflecting in his gaze.

“If loving me hurts you like that, then just get this fucking over with.” 

He started to tap his hands around your boots, searching, and pulled your wand out handing it to you. 

“Take it.” 

The voices in your head grew louder, to a point that was almost insufferable. Like the power wanted you to do that. 

Sebastian got up off the floor, helping you up as well. He guided you to be in front of the pensieve near the Triptych and nodded his head, encouraging. 

“C’mon you can do this.” 

Your hands were cold and trembling when you looked down, your wand already responding to your magic. 

Right… Wrong… was there even a line between them?

As if by instinct, you raised your phoenix wand. Threads of white and dark light started weaving from both of your chests, intertwining and pulling. Every nightmare, scream, heavy guilt… the blinding grief….

Gone. 

You both gasped as the threads found their way into the Pensieve. Sebastian was on you the next second, his hands cupping your face so tightly it almost hurt. 

“How do you feel?” You whispered. 

“Light.” A relieved, hoarse laugh bubbled in his chest. There was a strange glint in his eyes. “Powerful. You?” 

Before you could even think about it, a tired smirk started to form on your lips.