"i am"

i miss this blog, i miss posting here. i got a lot of notes on some of my posts. but most of my spirituality/practices i can't even talk about online to strangers anonymously, bc too many people still have far-right Nazi occultist beliefs that they either knowingly or unknowingly rebrand as "New Age Spirituality"

a lot of y'alls "gurus" don't believe you should have human rights and what's worse, a lot of them think you deserve to be sex slaves. i can't convert the entire world into the religion called "having self respect" or the church of "critical thinking skills".

btw the "y'all" isn't at anyone specifically, it's @ everyone that made me not even wanna share anymore even tho a lot of people liked it

for those wondering, i have never made any posts abt sp manifesting bc i dont feel im the best person to consult on the topic!!! at least not right now haha.

there are plenty of ppl out there talking abt sp's as its the #1 thing people want to manifest, and is the #1 reason most people get into manifesting in the first place. it was for me too. i have been on my manifestation journey for many years now and it all started with me as a teenager BEGGING the universe for a man bc i was dumb and lonely lol.

you will notice THEEE #1 most requested thing IN THE WORLD for ANYTHING spiritual/magical/witchcraft/manifestation/divination you name it, anything spiritual or esoteric, is always "how to find love" or "how to get my ex back" and therefore the internet is SO oversaturated like a SOPPING SPONGE full of grifters yanking hundreds or even thousands of dollars from lonely people left and right claiming to have the "secrets" on how to get them love, whether in general or a specific lover. its usually mostly a scam. if they dont ask you for money, its probably more legit. there is some legit stuff out there but u have to have a Bullshit-O-meter and don't let your loneliness make a trap for you to fall in to get ripped off by those who want to pray on your desires for love, bc they will. its pathetic. like get a real job lol

i have been thru the process of manifesting 3 different sp's, and while 2 of them were mostly "successful"..... it never was fully successful bc i always ended up not wanting them. it wasn't because my manifestation "went wrong" for all 3, it was because even when it went right, i was like.... okay this is lame NEXT lol. only the first one "went wrong" bc i was very young, new to manifesting, and had VERY low self worth/self esteem and my self concept was basically "im gonna kms if i dont have a boyfriend bc i cant stand to live and be alone" haha drammaaatiiiccccc much

you may experience manifesting anything, not just an sp, and realize you dont want that thing anymore. and yes, it is true, sometimes when you STOP wanting something is when you get it. because you're no longer in the state of "want", you're in the state of "have"

for me, it didn't even matter if they were Best Version sp's, even when i was in the "i have state", when i finally got myself there, i.... just didnt care anymore. it wasnt what i wanted in my reality, and i dont keep things in my reality i dont want.

but that's probably bc i'm a huge misandrist LOLLLL and for me there is no "best version" of any man bc imo they're all disappointing and have st wrong w them, and all the sp "best version" material i personally consumed was just so unrealistic and childish and would never actually work out in a real life adult relationship. that's going to piss off the "it doesnt have to be realistic!" mfs but idc, our universe very clearly has laws of physics and undeniable science behind it, manifesting basically a brainless mona awad Bunny robot is weird imo and idc. like i said, that's just only the type of stuff /i/ ever saw. i have personally myself NEVER seen sp content that didn't remind me of Bunny by Mona Awad. and look what happened to their Bunnies.... "well then you have to believe there's one with nothing wrong w him" yeah i did that... it was still just boring and not what i was looking for. if i ever want to look again and find it, i'll be sure to let u know when, how, where, etc (:

i am well into adulthood, like WELL into it, and i do not fancy what is, in my opinion, childish Disney-like fantasies or Prince Charmings. so like i said, if you ARE looking for sp content, go right ahead, i dont give a fuck what you read or manifest, but i will not be a good source on it bc i'm a very grown woman and in the years and years i've spent manifesting, men are a disappointment and you're genuinely better off without them imo (which means in my opinion, which means you dont have to agree lol)

SO, if you are looking for general theory/philosophy around manifestation, techniques, guidelines etc that CAN be used for ANYTHING, then i'm your girl. but speficially sp content you will not really find here.

because i genuinely dont believe there is an sp for me, because i dont care if i have one lol. i went thru my phase of being a young girl begging for love, needing love etc and it honestly was just sad. then i went into my power phase and realized what i was capable of w manifesting. i know very well i COULD if i wanted to, but for me personally and my individual life it is a waste of time and i'm not interested (:

This might sound obvious, but some need to hear it more than others. i was someone who needed to hear it for a long time and wouldn't accept it. i got kind of good at it but wasn't going far enough. your mental diet, in my opinion, is very important especially if you're a highly emotional person like myself. not highly emotional as in dramatic, but as in that i feel my feelings very deeply and i used to let them have control of me entirely, which is not a great way to feel. we all have to feel human emotions, and feeling them doesn't derail your manifestation, only when you let your emotions control your assumptions/affirmed knowledge is it a problem to experience natural human feelings.

that being said, the reason i made this post was to remind people that you should actively be tailoring whatever online platforms you use to make sure you're not getting stuck in echo chambers of negative energy. of course we all need to pay attention to the news and what's going on in the world, and those we care about, but don't let your algorithm throw you off your game. if you're trying to manifest an sp and keep liking/engaging with "oh i'll always be alone forever woe is me" content (and therefore sites pushing more of it to you), this is not good for your mental diet. would someone who already has their sp be liking videos about how alone they are or how depressed they are not to have the person they want? no. your mental diet is just like a physical one. sure, it's okay to have some junk food every now and then, we're all human. but you shouldn't spend all day eating candy bars and ice cream.

think about a healthy diet: you need protein, leafy greens, vitamins and minerals, good fats, etc etc etc - it's the same with your mental diet. keep it varied but consistent. just because you need protein in your diet doesn't mean the only food you should eat is steak every meal forever. that's how you get scurvy. eating some carbs isn't going to kill you. it's the same with your mental diet. we cannot live in a sensory deprivation tank where we never see or hear anything in the 3D ever at all. or if that's what you'd manifest, i don't know why. keeping a mental diet isn't about neurotically shutting out ANYTHING that triggers a negative emotion because "oh no my manifestation will go away". the harsh truth is that if your manifestation gets thrown off the rails by the slightest negative emotion, you aren't believing in your manifestation. you aren't in the state of assuming you already have it. you aren't fully knowing it's true in the 4D. since we can't avoid the 3D while we live in human bodies, it's about tailoring your 3D as much as is accessible to you to keep you on track, while also respecting the balance of understanding the 3D is a projection of the 4D and for things to be real in the 3D, they have to be real in the 4D first. even people who have no clue what manifestation is talk about this all the time: don't hang around friends that bring you down, don't put up with a toxic work environment, don't date people who make you feel bad about yourself etc etc - it's the same with the mental diet. don't constantly read depressing stuff all day. don't listen to sad music all day. don't consume media that encourages you to self-deprecate or to have body image issues. it's almost like brainwashing, but consciously for the positive.

literally brainwash yourself (saturate) with content and media that makes you feel safe and secure in your manifestation, or even better, not even really think about it too much at all. don't overly depend on using it to make yourself feel better either. it will end up being another crutch because you're not confronting that you don't actually live in the wish fulfilled if you need any form of crutch. it's a balance. let the movies you watch, music you listen to, subs/sleep tapes you use, spiritual content, manifestation content etc just be regular comforts and interesting hobbies for you. not an end-all-be-all that HAS to keep you on track by being sickeningly positive all day every day, but also vice versa, not what throws you off the rails because you keep engaging with negative content and checking 3D all the time. checking 3D is for another post but it's also bad for your mental diet. checking 3D though in my opinion is like eating a whole box of oreos in one sitting, and refusing to have a mental diet at all is like eating only candy and fast food for your entire life.

even if it just annoys you or puts you in a bad mood, block it. hit the thumbs down. hit "not interested" or "don't recommend" etc etc whatever feature it is on whatever site. don't allow yourself to be swept up in "misery loves company" content that makes you dwell on your OLD STORY! there are SO many content creators out there in every corner of the web who's entire game is keeping you sad, or keeping you hooked on them for answers. negative nancy's that spread extremely depressing and self-deprecating content in general.

this section is a bit of a derail but i can't help myself. this stuff applies to a shitload of the tarot, astrology, and other spiritual creators. and i like those things for myself. but a lot of those people are sus and prey off of sad, worried people, and people with psychosis tbr (bc i've been there when i was young and ik how it works), to make a quick buck or get attention. it's sad. like the types of tarot readers that say EVERY card is about your ex coming back, or your sp coming in, basically any combo they draw they say it means that. i've been reading tarot for 10 years, don't let other people's grifts get to you. this was just another example, but i know the manifestation community (at least to my experience) seems to be split up between those who like other spiritual things and those who really do not. you get what i mean though, hopefully. any type of grifting content where they're preying on your emotional stability and spiritual/personal beliefs. i also really do not like how a lot of manifestation coaches exist that charge hundreds of dollars for "classes" with them. none of us is any more powerful than the other, we are all the creator. we are the creator and we all have the knowledge inside of us already. you don't need to spend hundreds of dollars or even a single dollar learning how to manifest, especially when there's so much out there for free. all you need to do to manifest is to be made aware that this power has existed within you since birth (because of history it has often been a huge lie over millions of people that they don't have this power, another post) and practice applying it. that's it. EIYPO doesn't mean "no one exists except for me", it means we are all the same divine source. and just like our world/universe was created, it was in the 4D awareness and fulfilment first, then burst out into the 3D. that's also for another post.

no matter whether its spiritual content, relationship content, body image content, wealth content, etc etc the point is, keep the old story old, and the new story new.

I manifested a new job today! the interview went great and everything i had affirmed happened exactly as planned. quick post bc i'm in the middle of some plans but when i have time i will post a picture of the paper saying i'm hired/have orientation (w the sensitive info blocked out ofc but w the dates and stuff on it).

self concept/self power affirmations, a little big longer this time,

and i personally don't always prioritize "i am" or things like that as much bc i think you can literally say whatever you want as long as YOU know what it means in your heart/soul/subconscious) - you have to make it as personalized to you as possible because you hold the power

my reality is whatever i choose it to be, because i said so

i am grateful to wield the power to control my own reality

i am always receiving exactly what i want and need at all times

everything just moves so effortlessly for me

i am able to control and decide my entire life and reality

whatever i desire also desires me, because i said so

my desires chase me down to present themselves to me

life is always showing off for me and showering me with my desires

anything i truly desire instantly comes to me

it is not an effort or work for me to manifest, i create reality easily and with intelligence

i am so incredibly powerful that i even surprise myself sometimes

there is some real truth behind "i can do anything i put my mind to" - my mind is so powerful that as soon as i tap into a desire it's already on it's way to me

i see my desires like a package in the mail, i have placed them in my cart (had desire), purchased it (affirming desire), and it's now shipping in the mail, i know it will come to me because i ordered it, and that's just how easy it is. gifts from the universe are always showering my life as easy as packages on my doorstep, because i am the creator of reality and i choose to live a life full of abundant blessings

i am so blessed to be so incredibly powerful

i love the way my desires manifest into the most beautiful blessings

i am so fulfilled because i am able to easily manifest anything i want and need

i have all the power inside of me and nothing/no one else can ever truly take it from me unless i give it to them, i am always in control of my reality. i am so powerful that i even have the power to give my power away, however i choose it to reorder my reality to my desires

everything immediately clears out of my path as soon as i affirm my desire

blockages and resistance scatter from my affirmed desires like roaches

i can clear any path to my desires with a simple thought

i am immune and impenetrable, i cannot be taken down by insecurities, weaknesses, outside influences and circumstances, or the 3D at all

the 3D has no choice but to conform to exactly what i desire, because i said so

"if I can pause you, I can turn you off" - using your commanding power to harness your anger/frustration and start kicking Wavering in the face until it runs away crying

A little storytime. Once I was in the middle of a task i needed to finish before bed, and was trying to hurry it along because I was tired. I began having deep wavering feelings and felt like my entire manifestation was falling off the rails even though the entire day i had been experiencing lots of movement. I, with my inner voice, got frustrated and for some reason the first thing that popped up in my head was imagining the Wavering as it's own character, i'm sure you can tell what that sounds like. it's all very interesting to me, the links between so many religions, always has been.

Anyhow, if it's helpful, give your wavering a name or a "character"/persona, hopefully one you're not fond of. or if that's too extra for you, just try imagining those thoughts in the voice of someone you think is a giant, annoying asshole. it immediately makes you go "wait a damn minute, shut the fuck up!!"

the other thing that popped up in my head when i imagined the Wavering as a sort of asshole character was saying "wait! hold on! let me finish this first. pause. time out. if you're gonna test me, at least test me on a level playing field when i'm not in the middle of something." yes, i am an extreme yapper, even in my own thoughts lmao. and then right after that thought was over, i realized how silly it was.

i said inwardly "if i can pause you, i can turn you off. i can get rid of you." and called my power back to myself. it feels good to laugh at yourself now and then and i think that's really important during all of this. yes, you should want to take your creations seriously and not be lazy and expect good results, but taking them seriously in my opinion also has to have its silly moments. it's just the way life is, really. forrest gump, box of chocolates, you know the deal. sometimes even when you're manifesting really serious stuff, you have to be able to laugh at yourself.

you really can turn the wavering off whenever you feel like it, if you allow yourself to feel the strength and the power of commanding. don't be afraid to command the universe, your subconscious, whatever you want to think it comes from. not in an evil way like "oh i get to control everybody" but in a way that you refuse to let anyone, or anything, including your own ingrained negative beliefs, take your power away from you, the real you, the 4D you/soul

our bodies are just mech suits we use as the creator observing and experiencing itself, experiencing a new method of creation. if you feel drawn to do it, take your wavering by the horns and tell it to shut the fuck up. if it helps, beat the shit out of it mentally. not beating yourself up, that just compounds it. not like "oh i had a negative thought, i'm so bad at this". like "i command all negative thought patterns to leave my subconscious forever. i am a creator/manifester and i am so grateful to wield such power." things like that.

SELF CONCEPT - simple & easy

i am so beautiful

i am so magnetic

i am alluring

people stop in their tracks when they see me

my face is like an angel's

my beauty captivates people

my beauty draws in love and friendship

i am beautiful inside and out

my intelligence is beautiful

my personality is magnetic

i draw people in with my beauty and intelligence

i have a unique beauty that gets noticed every day

i have a unique beauty that makes me stand out in crowds

i have a natural beauty that cannot be replicated or replaced

my inner and outer beauty makes people remember me and think about me constantly

i am the perfect combination of beauty and brains

my personality impacts peoples lives forever

i am so mesmerizing and enchanting

i enchant people with my mind and beauty

my soul is beautiful

my face reminds people of artwork

everything about me is alluring

my beauty radiates all around me

you can believe me or not. i really don't care. i'm in my idgaf era bc when you care too much about what others think, your manifestations will fail because you're giving your power away. that's my personal belief. i will put what came in the 3D and then an example of the desire i persisted in parentheses next to it. these are from various time periods, but all have happened within the past 2-2.5 years once i started actually getting the hang of it all.

four of my friends ("i have mature, caring, loving friends that love me for who i am")

three no contact friends that had drifted out of my life, not from animosity but i missed them (same affirmation + "[insert names] are my close friends and we are always talking" + "[insert names] and i have such a deep connection as friends")

exposing people in my life who were bad for me in some way: trying to use me, manipulate me, lie to me, or just were bad people in the sense that they were toxic and bad for my life because even if they were nice to me, the way they lived their lives were toxic immature messes ("all secrets and lies are instantly exposed to me, no one can hide anything from me, i always know. all manipulators and toxic people are instantly exposed to me for what they are")

job interviews ("every company wants to interview me, they fight over me, they all want me to work for them")

escaping my abusive ex ("i have a safe place to live where my ex cannot bother me any more. i am permanently free of my ex for the rest of my life and now it's my time to shine")

keeping my job when i should have been fired multiple times for attendance, about 5 or 6 times, i had a period of time where i kept repeatedly getting seriously ill, people were passing away, other major life changes and impacts etc it was like the biblical plagues fr and at that time, the company i worked for did not care when those types of things happened to others and would give them the boot in ways that were really messed up ("the people at my job genuinely care about me, want me there, and they know i'm not lying about my life circumstances and will let me get away with whatever i need to in order to heal, rest, and come back to work")

a glow up that changed me from medium pretty/medium noticed to having people in my 3D rave about my beauty and personality ("i am so alluring and beautiful. i am so interesting. i am so magnetic and charismatic. people love looking at me and talking to me. people find me so intriguing and mesmerizing. my beauty sticks in peoples minds like a work of art")

here's my thoughts on how i did this and what i learned about manifestation through the hard and good times:

honestly sort of making my own thing as far as how i manifest because a lot of people online either take goddard completely off the rails or are just saying a whole lot of nothing, going on for paragraphs but not really saying much. i have changed the way i manifest and the movement is so strong and fast. my old self was not fully understanding and was not fully accepting.