My Digital Diary

A bit dizzy

I’m writing this from the 3rd because I was out of sorts yesterday, in a way I hadn’t been before.

Went to uni and had what felt like the longest lecture EVER, even tho it was a half day. There was a whole hour where a librarian taught us how to read a book :(

I was so bored I was messing with my scarf, started plaiting it, tying it up, rolling it up. After lecture was over the person who sat next me said she was impressed watching me do it. That made me happy. A friend gave me so psilocybin mushrooms she found, bit apprehensive about it, but I think as long as I don’t take them while anxious I’ll be okay.

Had a very clumsy lunch where I was tripping over myself and dropping my cane and kicking stuff by accident, really strange. I also ordered my food so weirdly, I couldn’t speak right.

Had a little meeting with my tutor where I told her about my multiple personalities, I’m glad I did but it made me feel so weird after. I guess the point of DID is to protect the brain and therefore I’m not supposed to know about it or tell people, but I did, for the better of my work. She’s gonna get a note taker for lectures for me :) I hate how mental health has you being emotionally vulnerable in professional settings :(

After that I spent a whole 2 hours trying and failing to print stuff, felt like I personally killed a tree, that’s like a whole £25 gone, absorbed by the printer.

When I finally got back, I felt so weird and dizzy. Like that feeling you get after standing up to quick, but it was constant and didn’t go away. I couldn’t type right, I kept walking into things. I wasn’t hungry or thirsty or low on sugar, and I know what a migraine feels like. I googled my symptoms and it told me I had a mini stroke so that’s awesome. She stroke my 🧠 still I get dizzy.

Beef stroganoff

Anyway

That lasted alllll day, I can still kinda feel it now.

Started sewing a thing with some scrap material and the patterns I printed.

I can’t remember much more.

Not a great day but also I’ve had much much worse, the feelings weren’t great but I had a really good dinner that night. I wrapped my wrap perfectly wrap shaped, it was great.

4/10, would rather not do any of that again. Thanks.

Start of spooky season!

Mid day, nothing bad happened, nice and relaxing.

Got up at 9am because I didn’t know when the guy was gonna come look at my bathroom. Finally put a wash on cause the machine is fixed now. Watched a lot of supernatural, ended up skipping a few episodes cause one was just so many horrible things stuffed in one episode while I was eating, and the others were kinda ass. Season 3 was on writers block when it was made so I’m okay with it.

The guy didn’t turn up for ages tho, he came and checked other rooms, didn’t check mine, I didn’t hear anything for an hour so I didn’t know if he left or not. It put me in a weird state cause I couldn’t do anything until he knocked but he might have been gone already. Also people knocking on my door/ coming in my room always gives me an anxiety attack, not sure why, so I spent a whole day preparing for it.

An hour after that he did actually turn up, all he did was poke a screwdriver into my toilet bowl and go “yours is fine” and left????

Sure.

Played some Minecraft, ordered more groceries. Jay text asking if I want some of the shrooms she picked, I said yes obviously. Will update on that. I’m a pothead so I’m not a stranger to drugs, however I’m a bit apprehensive about shrooms, I’m not sure if they’re for me, but there’s only one way to find out!

Thought it was gonna be an uneventful day until I saw the new hazbin hotel trailer and tweaked the fuck out. God I used to hate hazbin hotel and all its fans when it was just a pilot, but I can’t lie, the new series is fire.

There was a moment in the trailer that had happened in all of my favourite fics I used to read, (and write), I’d actively search for fics about it. I can’t believe I got to see not only Vox and Alastor face to face, but Alastor also GRABS Vox and pulls him in AND Alastor has his shirt open AND you can see his wound.

I feel like I’ve eaten a full meal from just one frame, I think I’m gonna need some time off when the series drops.

Ended up eating my entire Black Forest gateau cake from excitement (I also really love Black Forest gateau and was craving it all day)

Here’s to another peaceful uneventful day!

Hell yeah!

8/10

Wish everyday could be like today (to any genies or jinns reading, that wasn’t serious)

Tired and tidied

Today was good, though quite tiring. Lecture started at 9:30 today, woke up at 9, and ended up falling asleep sat up in my bed wrapped in my blanket. Still managed to make it at 9:31 tho, I think that’s pretty good. Someone in my class congratulated me for it so I feel good about it.

Though I was bogging tired for the whole lectures, I kept closing my eyes feeling like I was gonna fall asleep. What didn’t help was our guided meditation session :,)

Don’t get me wrong, I do controlled breathing exercises and guided meditation at home allllll the time, it helps a lot with regulation. However, the way my tutor had us doing it made me laugh.

She asked the class “does anyone know what namaste means”, told us the literal definition, and then told us what her yoga teacher felt it meant. They were two very different translations.

Then we had to follow her instructions on breathing and movement and it was a little embarrassing, but most of the class, if not all, joined in, so it was okay.

Two people began to eat in lecture and I had to leave before I had a melt down. During break, 3 different people came and asked me if I was okay, (one of them being one of the perpetrators) which is far more care than I ever received in my old uni. These people are making me remember what bare minimum kindness is like.

Anyway, went to a friends house cause she was desperate to feed me the cake she made. Tasted a little bit like fridge but I ate it anyway. Took some home, all the best bits.

Then i actually managed to tidy my room, i got a bathroom inspection tomorrow and i need it tidy for then. Also cause i want my friends to come over. Still not quite done but i can continue in the morning.

Went to the kitchen and my flatmates were talking about autism, turns out they’re psychology students and learnt about it today. One of them complimented my shirt.

Finished the day by painting paw prints on to the bottom of my air walks. Those air walks have a story but I’ll tell it another time.

7/10

Inflatable bean bag and orange cake

Pretty good day, averagely good, which is better than my days used to be :)

Was an hour late for lecture cause I pressed the wrong button on my alarm, oops XD

Last year that would’ve meant me not going in at all, but I did go in, and everything was alright.

Tried to eat my lunch at a bunch but some guy got there seconds before I did, had to carry my lunch coat phone coffee and cane to a different location. Leaned against a weird statue. I wanted to try sit on it but it looked a little too high for me to scooch up on and I didn’t want to embarrass myself.

Went home and my inflatable beanbag chair had arrived, the manual pump made an awful sound and my own mouth was much more efficient. I do think there’s a leak somewhere tho cause 10 mins of sitting on it and it had flattened considerably.

Watched supernatural for ages while I thought my clothes were washing, they weren’t. The barrel was just filling with water and not spinning at all, terrible news. Gave up and put the dirty wet clothes into the dryer, which was gonna take 3 hours so I’ve gone to bed. Will get it out in the morning maybe. Left a little note for my flatmates about the washer so they don’t waste their time like I did.

Had a little emotions moment earlier about that one guy, ah well, it happens I guess.

But yeah, pretty good day, 8/10

+ a friend gave me orange cake, need to remember to take the Tupperware back to her tomorrow.

Goodnight!