A pretty little muddy mess.

Little? We all know I’m not little Lila - in any way. I’ve been… Well.. Amazing - Even better now that we’re off hiatus? And you?

Damien got int - you named you vag Layla?… Layla?

So tell me little Radley, how've you been? It's like we just put our friendship on hiatus or something for a couple of months.

I’m glad I’m not the only person who thinks so.  Hey now— sweater vests are very slutty. They’re all the rage these days. Gets the guys going, ya’know.. really revs there’s engines… okay, I’m done. But yes, you wouldn’t be a hag anymore and you’d have to go back to being a bitch and we just can’t have that. That would be just rude.

I guess that teacher guy on Glee is a huge slut then. No wonder he hooks up with all the older women on the show. Now, I know what to look for if I wanna see an old guy with a boner. A sweater vest. It would be rude. Bitches aren't fun. They're just mean. But hags. Hags are fucking sassy.

“I still can’t believe you named him Bowser…so weird.” It was then that Damien crashed his lips onto hers, the slow meaningful kisses he had just been placing on them quickly turning heated and passionate as his hands grip her hips and he pushes her body gently towards the stairs that would lead to his room. The movement of their bodies was slow as he walked forward, his chest pressed against hers while his hands roamed under the fabric of her shirt over the bare skin of her flat stomach. It was when the heels of her feet hit the stairs that he moved his hands to the back of her thighs, quickly lifting his girlfriend and wrapping her legs around his waist so his lips didn’t have to leave hers as they traveled to the top floor. 

Her mind was quickly changed, though, as he lifted her up at the stairs; his triceps and abs flexing underneath her weight. His warm lips pressed to her's made her moan slightly as their breathing increased. Once up at the top, Lila knew it wouldn't be long until she was laying on a bed; his bed. Her heart pounded at the thought. And as she laid kisses all over his lips, his face, and his neck, she couldn't wait and couldn't stop imagining seeing all of him for the first time. His vulnerable side. A side Lila knew only one other person had probably seen. His physical side. His strength. His stamina. But most importantly, how gentle or rough he would be with her and what he liked personally, so she could return the same feeling of love and appreciation to her lover.

Probably since you don’t want your kitty displayed on national television with that blur thing over it. You should have talked to Hugh, he’s an old man. That’s just rude refusing his offer.

That would be a shame. Who wants a little black box over their kitty? I know I don't! Rude? The man's got stock in Viagra and titties. I'm sure he's got plenty of bunnies to play with. But explain that to me? Why bunnies? Why not pussies? It'd be more appropriate, if you catch my fishy hairy drift. 

Definitely. I’ve always wanted a nice set of boobs… I was joking about the virgin thing, m’dear. Though, I like being a total slut so… but yes, wouldn’t you feel bad if that happened? I bet you would, knowing I died trying to complete scientific research for my bff, Nips.

You'd look good with some Dolly Parton's hanging off your chest. People would stop and stare for miles. Figures. You look like a slut, with your slutty hair. Your slutty glasses. Your slutty stylish sweater vests. Well, yeah. I wouldn't be a hag anymore. I would just be a bitch. Do you know what it's like upgrading from a bitch to a hag and then downgrading again? Yeah, me neither.

Today had been peaceful for Damien. Both of his parents were at work and they would be there pretty late so he was just lounging around the house with Lila on a slow Monday night, the two laying on the living room couch with her wrapped in Damien’s arms. The television was blaring with a movie that Damien had already forgotten the name of as he moved his lips slowly over her own, his teeth grazing her bottom one before he pulled away so he could come up for air. His trademark smirk was placed upon his lips as his fingertips brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m so glad you came to Boston….I didn’t think it would be the best idea but it’s turned out to be pretty amazing.” 

With no one in the house, except for her and the scruffy haired boy, Lila was enjoying herself as she let her lips dance across his completely ignoring the movie that they were technically supposed to be watching. Instead, she embraced the moment with her boyfriend. She savored each sweet kiss, and when he would try to pull away, she would bring him back for more. At least until she ran out of air, and by the time she could catch her breath, he was already talking, "I am, too, actually. Which is weird, because I honestly thought the same thing. But you needed me. And honestly, your parents are probably the closest thing to parents I've actually ever experienced." She looked down for a moment thinking about her own, before looking back up at him with a soft smile, "So I was thinking...Layla would love to meet Bowser...what do you think, Ford?"

One, yes you do. Embrace it. Two, I have honestly never been there.. and now you’re making me feel all virginal. Gross. Three, if I reached any harder I’d probably see stars, thanks but no thanks.

Oh I get it. You're jealous cause you don't have a nice rack for boys to stare at. I'll help ya out when I get back to Windsor. Hey, being a virgin's not gross. It means you're not a whore. Well according to Windsor standards. AHAHAHA I'd come back and you'd be on the floor. I can see the headlines now, "Boy kills self trying to lick own nipples."

I know I am and don’t you ever forget it. Can’t wait to see this masterpiece. It’ll be like an eighth wonder to the world or something.

20/20 wanted to interview me about it, but ABC said no. That's probably a good thing. And Hugh Hefner called once, but I didn't really want to wear a fuzzy ball on my ass.