the bisexual urge to watch empire strikes back

Hot Take: The Jedi Order’s negative attitudes towards love and attachment aren’t a case of George misunderstanding Eastern philosophy. They’re a deliberate deconstruction of toxic masculinity and the idea of love as a weakness. In the OT, Darth Vader is saved by love, compassion, and empathy. That Anakin is destroyed in the PT by the lack of same is no coincidence.

i once saw someone say the extended universe of star wars is like world unbuilding and that’s honestly the only way i can describe it, because i have absolutely no fucking clue of what the fuck goes on outside of the movies, and i have TRIED to understand, but the more i try the less i understand, i just… what the fuck man

remeber when the emperor came back to life in a series of clones and when they died tried to posess han and leias baby but was stopped by a guy who just died’s ghost grabbing onto him and forcing them both into the afterlife of the force

remember when darth vader turned good and literally changed his entire attire to be white instead of black

remember when it was revealed that the astro-mech droid that blew up at the beginning of A New Hope turned out to be a force-sensitive droid that blew itself up on purpose because it sensed that if Luke bought R2D2 instead of itself that the empire would fall

i hate this fucking franchise

Remember when IG-88 took over the 2nd Death Star and was about to lead a machine uprising just before the Rebels destroyed the station?

HE LITERALLY SLAMS AN ELEVATOR DOOR SHUT IN PALPATINE’S FACE JUST TO FUCK WITH HIM

Now we just have dual lightsaber helicopter blades

To be fair, in this metaphor, the uber driver is in trouble with the local mob boss because he was ferrying cocaine and dumped it out the window when it looked like he might get pulled over, so…

So the uber driver hooks up with the sister of the guy who first hires him, and it turns out that their dad is the Deputy Sheriff, and things go downhill even faster than previously imagined when they hit up a local truckstop for a bite to eat, fuel drop and impromptu family reunion.

Truckstop’s run by an old friend who he won his car off that one time, and the dude’s hitting on the chick he’s hooking up with and it’s like come on man, don’t do this to me but then the girl’s dad is there and he gets hit over the head and shoved into the trunk of the cop car and it’s like oh, shit. Fuck. Chewie man, don’t let them take my car!

And then the kid, who had never been off the farm before he hired you, comes back with Green Beret-level skills to bust you out of jail and his sister, who was honestly kinda preppy, straight up MURDERS the mob boss. And then you get the plans to the DOD’s biggest single piece of equipment so you go to the middle of nowhere where it’s being built and you have some trouble with the locals, but somehow the annoying nerd speaks their language and manages to impress them, so you work together to infiltrate the military base. Oh, and the kid lets himself get captured so he can talk to his dad, and after a knock-down drag-out fight, the dad realizes that he’s been played his entire adult life by the corrupt politician overseeing everything, so he chucks the politician down the maintenance shaft of said politician’s high-rise just before it gets destroyed by the rebels, led by your friend in your truck that he borrowed with the promise that he wouldn’t put a scratch on it, but he knocks off your side mirror getting out of there.

I’d really love to know what the hell Vader was thinking during that pregnant pause after he asks Luke to join him in Empire because Luke just kind of stares at him, says nothing, and then just… falls? Leaving Vader there looking like a total idiot but also wondering what the hell does Luke even think he’s doing?! Only Clone Wars Anakin could have been that extra, all “I’d rather fall into an unfathomable abyss than finish this conversation with you” is such a Skywalker move, so the only thing I imagine Vader really thinking is “Well, he definitely gets that from me.”