are you there, sweetheart?

writing a garbage essay feels like you’re the cow who gave birth to the two headed calf. in the morning, my professor will wrap him in newspaper and dissect him on a cold operating table. but here he is alive, under the pale glow of my computer screen. he is beautiful. there are twice as many logical fallacies as usual.

the holidays are never officially here until i see the christmas light extension cord of death by electricity and I have yet to see it.

people keep tagging this as homophobia

they're making me scan 80s kentucky fair stuff again and if i have to see the pig ad again my day will be irrevocably ruined

worst thing a video game can do is give me a bad reason to kill guys. either give me a very good reason or just say 'there's no good reason, you're playing as a sicko'. don't be like, 'uhhh they are Raiders so you can kill them en masse with unlimited brutality but during our sidequests we will inexplicably provide incongruous moral choices about whether or not it's okay to kill Namedcharacter van der Warcrime'

'do you want to Spare babymunch the evil wizard... or Kill him... or perhaps join him and turn against the village folk 😈 ? this is a world of complex morality......' — a game in which you've killed a triple digit number of human beings

worst thing a video game can do is give me a bad reason to kill guys. either give me a very good reason or just say 'there's no good reason, you're playing as a sicko'. don't be like, 'uhhh they are Raiders so you can kill them en masse with unlimited brutality but during our sidequests we will inexplicably provide incongruous moral choices about whether or not it's okay to kill Namedcharacter van der Warcrime'

'do you want to Spare babymunch the evil wizard... or Kill him... or perhaps join him and turn against the village folk 😈 ? this is a world of complex morality......' — a game in which you've killed a triple digit number of human beings

i hate the expectation that i have to plan for the future. has anyone  ever considered im scared

cooing & stroking the neighbourhood cats but shaking my head the entire time so everyone knows i don’t ideologically agree with outdoor cats

rolling a smoke grenade into the wendy's ahead of me and tactically approaching the counter. I attempt to order but start choking on the smoke and try to cough directly in the face of the cashier in front of me but my germs just bounce off the gas mask she already put on when she saw me pulling in to the parking lot

oh i can’t fucking believe this. the gods—they smote me. just smited me out of the blue. i’ve been smit. they gave me absolutely no warning before smating me. smoted my guts all over the place. with thunderbolts and everything. absolutely smurted me