vihaan-xâ:
Most people didnât take the time to study him long enough to catch all the tiny little hints that were buried in his behavior. That was the gift that was his anger, his weapon that managed to keep most away from want, away from the curiosity that was often sparked by those who were more inviting with themselves.
He could still name all his great loves on a single hand, remember just the way their mouths moved when they said his name - and they were special. They had been let in, let in deep enough to leave a wound - which every single one of them had, but he was probably better for the lesson. Granted, Vihaan didnât see it that way. Instead, for each person that missed the chance that was his sentiment, there was another wall. By now, heâd become the best kept secret in this entire town.
It didnât matter now though, there was a coldness that had seeped in, intending to drown him peacefully in it. The irony was probably in the fire that burned within, but not bright enough, not strong enough to thaw what had already frozen over. It was too late, in every foreboding sense of the phrase. After the last one, he was far past salvation and redemption.
âSome would say there is strength in the way you arenât afraid of making a fool of yourself, of the way you find joy in things that often hurt first. They wouldnât be wrong, either.â He pointed out with an observant tone, appreciating the way that Alder was still very willing to throw themself into the fire, to burn at the chance for love, be it romantic, platonic, or otherwise. Maybe not love, perhaps that was the wrong word. It was more like experience, but either way it was an admirable quality, one the dragon had long since lost.
âThe scales will always favor my sister and I, but we all know thatâs because weâre more than willing to destroy the ones that donât.â Itâs a fact, and he speaks it like such. Heâs grown out of the old, dead habit of trying to make himself sound like less of a monster. Itâs tiresome, and it doesnât serve him. Maybe itâs the acceptance heâs gifted here, or maybe itâs just plain lack of reason to care anymore.
âI donât even think I can help, there are some things, some words you can never come back from. Which, I know may sound foreign to you, but itâs a reality that I hadnât expected. Thank you, though, as if I needed another favor to be added to my debt with you.â Humor, again, touched the conversation on his end with a bit of a laugh, one that didnât sound half as bitter as he felt.
The wounds people carried were not simple things, they knew only from a distance where some of the dragon's could be found and it would been unkind to reopen them only for the sake of gaining the knowledge. So Vihaan could guard his secrets and they would only listen when he offered them now and then, never fully knowing the story but not needing to; most of what they needed they already saw in how it had effected their friend and how it continued to. There was no way to make a wound heal faster, time was not always kind with that either, but there was some merit in simply being there for when that support was needed. In a way it was the least of what they could do, they always longed to do more, but no more than they could reclaim the missing parts of their own past they could not undo the painful ones the dragon felt. It wouldn't have been fair to steal away regardless, Alder knew better than most that feeling anything, even pain, was often better than looking into the void of simply having nothing in the spaces were memories once had resided.Â
"There are moments I wonder if it is a sort of desperation." They confessed in a light tone, far easier to speak of their uncertainties in humor than feel the full weight of them. "I've lost more than I'll ever know, sometimes that's a blessing and other times I feel it when I think about people lost to time that I cannot have back." It was strange notion that perhaps only those like Vihaan would understand, the ones who lived lives endlessly long. The dragon had countless people and memories behind him but mortals and sometimes even other creatures met their end and left only memories. "But I am a fool and I'll keep doing these things, you're right, life is hardly worth being a part of if its' not indulged for all it can be, is it?" The smile had returned, they could not dwell on anything too heavy for long, not when there was enough good to find reasons not to.
There was no judgement, both Vihaan and Citali were friends and their pain had been obvious more than either likely might admit. Alder did not need the reasons to know the two had fought for what they had in the world and for each other. "Perhaps, you know I'm not fond of that choice but I also have never known what the choices were for either of you so it's not my place to say much about it. I just know I would rather have the two of you here, safe and relatively sound, than to have you anywhere else.â It was a simple thing to say, at least it was for them, because it was never a difficult thing for Alder to remind others of the value they held to them.
"Words can be dangerous, sometimes more than actions, they certainly can leave a deeper wound. But words are not people and sometimes they're worth far more to us than any mistake they might make in a single moment." They offered as an observation but it was only that, the dragon did not need advice nor was he seeking it. "I'll ask nothing else about it if that's what you prefer. But it's a wonderful day and, really Vihaan, if you're going to carry on in such a dismal mood I'll find something absurd to subject you to on sheer principle." They countered the laugh with something near to a grin, it was no weak threat; if nothing more could be done to ease their friend's pain then they would find some manner of nonsense to distract them.












