VentNation

I've just came into the knowledge that I'd have to most likely join the military to be able to attend university. I don't want to either, but it's not about wants anymore. I have to now, I can't let my mother down. I have to go and make my mother proud. My grades cannot and will not save me from my fate. I'm scared for my future and what will come from it. The uncertainty is killing me, and I'm scared. I don't know what's in store for me. How can I go on? My hope is crushed, but I'm also a little bit invigorated to do better. To succeed despite the odds.

I understand, finally why people say 'just stop procrastinating' it's not because they don't understand, it's because it does nothing but become a detriment to you and your mental health. The stress of getting something done rather it being done well the relief of it being done outweighs everything and my heart FEELS lighter. It's wonderful. I realized that when I was thinking over something, it was a good revelation to come to that. If you avoid because you don't know, I do the same thing too, with math! I was able to find sources on YouTube to help me with understanding my pre-calc + trig homework, and I finally feel capable, to able to do something.

I've had an acoustic guitar for the longest time now, and I'm finally learning some cords to play. I'm not that fast but I'm getting there, albeit slowly. I heard this one song and though 'I could play this because of how simple it is!'. Honestly, I am, and I'm doing great so far, I'm very proud of myself. That doesn't happen often.

August 10 - Julie Doiron

I had two presentations for two different classes today, and no one clapped. Usually, this wouldn't be a big deal but, in my school/university, everyone claps for everything. It's hard to stand up in front of everyone and talk about some random subject or whatever and to have no one clap for you but they've clapped for everyone else…it's heartbreaking and it makes me so sad and embarrassed. I wanted to cry so hard. Everyone just started and looked at me.