btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

one thing you need to know about 2014. is that what does the fox say was playing pretty much everywhere you went. and everybody was just relieved it wasn't blurred lines

I canot stress enough that those were the only 2 songs in 2014

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

i wonder how many they'll need

i hesitate even to speculate

my aunt is watching some generic daytime tv talkshow and the hosts are very cheerfully going "yknow this AI thing isnt actually as cool as i thought it was- i keep noticing the google overview getting facts wrong! isnt that weird?" and its very funny watching regular middle aged people finally catch on. we did it lads it took long enough.

imagine if i did my work. if i sat down and Did it. and it was Done. can you even imagine such a thing

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

Normalize saying “I don’t know enough to have an opinion.”

“Raw milk is better for you as long as you boil it” so true bestie now imagine if we could like. Super boil it. To really get all the bacteria out. And if we could do that quickly and efficiently. Imagine that.

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app