Sorry I Put A Curse On You Again

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

my gf just ripped some ungodly ass that had my eyes watering i mean absolutely noxious it was so bad i made her leave the bedroom until she was done and i opened the window and shoved my head out so i didn’t throw up breathing in the tainted air of our once peaceful bedroom.

So which are you? A sussy playa or a pussy slaya?

My favorite line of all time.

i just remebered the jeremy renner app