lifeislimitless_

mental health status: need to look at the sea for hours and stay quiet

i hope u find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and i hope that u feel like you’re home when u look at them

I can’t fucking take it anymore, I’m too old to feel this way still. I survived my childhood. I survived being a teenager. Making it to adulthood was supposed to make it better, not worse. What’s the fucking point if I’m just surviving, if I can’t actually live I don’t want to breathe.

I’m really sorry I always ruin everything.

i really wish i was easier to love

please just let me feel wanted

I can't. I really can't take any more of this.

I know people wouldn’t avoid me so much if I wasn’t such a negative, off-putting person. I’m sorry. I try so hard to be nice and positive and well adjusted, to have the right mindset and attitude. To be normal. I just. I can’t help it. I don’t know why. I hate it. I’ve always been this way. Weird. Awkward. Pessimistic. Dramatic. Depressing. Socially inept. Annoying. Stupid. Naive. Embarrassing. I remember everything people said to me back then, the way they looked at me, the way they wouldn’t, the way they would make jokes about me and laugh it off, even my friends. I was, so, so, oblivious. The older I got, the more I realized how people actually viewed me, how my words and actions came across despite my intentions. I thought if I became more aware of it, I could control it. But I can’t. Even when I’m suppressing so much, I still say things and do things that make people uncomfortable. I can tell. I can tell what they all think of me. They feel bad for me. I’m inferior. I’m not their equal. I never have been. Just some kind of burden. I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid. There’s wasn’t any point. I was doomed from the start. I should have never been born.

I think it’s really unfair that I (a person who needs to feel loved all the time) am so incredibly hard to love.