The Trek

I thought I had found my soulmate, but forgot depression had already claimed me as hers.

“The difference is. 
I fucking poured my heart out and gave you everything I had. 
You just said sorry”

“Maybe it is my fault for not being career-driven. The truth is, I always planned on dying young; a handful of pills for breakfast or getting too cozy with an electric outlet. It was close, but I made it and I’m glad, but once you’ve given yourself to the thought of a short-lived life, once your future becomes a back up plan, getting by is the only thing that matters.”

“Maybe I was not born to be loved.”

“This isn’t a suicide attempt but if I get hit by a car, fall off a building, if I don’t wake up, I want you to know I am sorry I didn’t write individual letters. I’m sorry for all the trouble and drama I caused I’m sorry for hurting you. Please don’t blame yourself, But if I died tomorrow, I want you to know; I’m sorry”

“When I’m alone, anxiety pushes me out while depression pulls me in. Depression is causing me to sink while anxiety is screaming at me to swim. Depression tells me to isolate while anxiety forces me to talk. Depression just wants to lay down, but anxiety says to walk. Depression has clipped my wings, but anxiety still expects me to fly. Depression is begging me to give up, but anxiety says that I’m weak if I don’t try. Depression is constantly holding me hostage while anxiety screams ‘just one time, reach out.’ Then depression reminds me that no one cares, and anxiety fills me with self doubt.”

People will always have questions:

“People ask me why I never talk about how I feel. Today I tried and nobody replied.”

“Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die”