Go with the Flow

A gentle lullaby

Into chaotic poetry

Unknowingly

Spirals my dreams

Into a gentle rain

Plagued by my regrets

That one day

I turn this love

Into a gentle pain

That a simple gaze

Turns into a nightmare

Full of closures

While my brain convulses

That a simple haze

Can fog my reality

And replace the hurt

With your reassurance

That neither of us

Intended for a dream

To replace the emptiness

That occupies your soul

That maybe one night

This sleep is peaceful

And you can escape

The prison

That is my mind.

And maybe…

An echo, your voice

A flow, your choice.

The silence, your laugh

Full moon, then half.

A ghost, your gaze

Once certain, now a daze.

Colorless, neutral hue

What is now there, used to be you.

Empty pain, gut feeling

Nurture, unnecessary healing.

Beauty, now a blur

Understanding, no allure.

You forget, I remember

I fell with the leaves

In late September.

You ignored, I recall

When you pushed me off a cliff

I tear away,

The pages in my book

Wondering,

If you will return,

What you took.

I write a new chapter,

So I can make myself

Forget the laughter.

I tear away,

The pages in my story

Wondering,

If I can return

This false glory

I write a new ending,

As my wounds heal

As my heart is mending.

I tear away,

Every inch of this past

Wondering,

If I will ever know

I wanted to talk to you

But I didn’t

I wanted to look at you

But I couldn’t

I wanted to think about you

But I shouldn’t

I wanted you to reach out

But you wouldn’t

I try to forget

But I hadn’t

But the distance

Is needed

The silence

Is heeded

Accepted

I did

Move on

I could

Stay away

I should

Come back

I would

Care for you

Cycle through

The patterns

One

And then

Two

Foolish is me

To continue

This pain

Until Three

Shut the door

Window is open

But close it

At four

Yes I’m alive

Held my breath

And maybe

I counted

To Five

Don’t even try to fix

9 lives

Killed me thrice

Now

It’s six

Is this heaven

I’m not sure

Feels like hell

Saw some circles

Counted seven

Wasn’t fate

Hit the ball

Pocket all

Except

The eight

Mistake was mine

Break the pattern

Freeze the clock

Stop

When the sun is down

The air is calm

Your eyes remain

A shade of brown

When the sun is up

The air is heavy

Time remains

Never enough

When the sun is bright

The air is warm

Your hair reflects

A silver light

When the sun is dim

The air is thin

The one who admires you

Is him

When the sun is cool

The air is stark

He remains

A loving fool

When the sun is dead

The air is past

He would rather be

With you instead.

When the sun is gone

The air is memory

The idea of you

Remains just an idea

While he fades away

From your thoughts

He lets go of the sun

He lets go of the air

He lets go of this glare

When the sun is alive

The air is better

Red is gold

Gold is gone

Water cold

Are we alone?

Piercing thoughts

Speed it up

50 knots

Crash me along

The waves of steel

Drown me with

How you feel

I’m far from

The streets

Of L.A

So let me know

What you have to say:

Unfazed by your

Wits and charms

Symbols and tattoos

On your arms.

Cross the bridge.

Down by the bay

Is where I stay

Wait for me,

January, February,

March, April

Orange hue,

Aren’t you,

Taking away

The sky

From blue

Summer heat,

Trick or treat

Where exactly

Did we meet?

Streets of despair?

Avenue of care?

Did I wander upon your pain,

Overcast, maybe some rain?

The needle is peace,

Bring you to high

Close your eyes now,

Tell me goodbye

When exactly

Did we fall?

Like leaves of autumn,

Walking tall.

How exactly

Was it faith?

When the sun sets

And it’s too late.

So hold my hand

Let me go.

Leave me be,

Because now

There is no space

For my words

And my thoughts

There is no flavor

There is no taste

There is no formula

No copy and paste

There is only time

But no place

I see only details

Of your face

Of your smile

Your eyes

Your kindness

You’re nice

But I don’t belong

In your world

Or in your flow

I am not your yes

I doodle away as I forget the time,

Straight lines, small stars,

A little rhyme.

I cover the paper, with pencil marks,

Turning each light, into lined darks.

I fold the paper into a small square,

I close my eyes and imagine your hair.

I toss the paper into the sea,

Wondering a life, with no you and no me.

I tear off another page,

But this time I write,

A letter for peace, or maybe a fight?

I start the letter talking to you,

Asking what’s old, asking what’s new?

I write about my mind,

How love has made me blind.

I tell you my secrets, I tell you my pain,

I tell you why, I avoid the rain.

There were times when we spoke,

There were times when we didn’t.

The days we didn’t, i would still mumble,

As if I had words to say to you.

Just to keep me humble.

There are empty days and busy nights,

Where in my head were constant fights.

Between my brain and my heart,

Arguing if you belonged in either place.

You never looked both ways,

When you crossed my mind

You were never in rhythm,

When my heart beats for you.

But I adored you anyways.

I cared, I thought,

I argued, i fought.

I justified my feelings

I sacrificed my healings.

But I should’ve just ended,

Where it began,

When nothing felt the same,

The weather is stark.

The fog covering the sky.

There is no spark

In my eyes, my soul,

And in my thoughts.

As I continue to battle

This ebb and flow

Where sleep

Is something

You will not find

As you the whites of your eyes

Turn red, dark circles form

Around your eyes,

For which I once used

As a reflection of my love for you.

Do you wonder why

You can't fall into a deep slumber

Or why you have lost your sight

As you find this gentle goodnight.

The earth spins with you

As the world in your mind

Feels extremely unkind.

I urge you to close your soul

And let it sink into my arms

So that maybe you can dream

And rebuild yourself

Put the pieces of your soul

Back together.

Or perhaps it only seems right,

That I can once again,

I know this feeling is true,

There’s nothing I can do.

When I sip this cold brew,

Feel so alone,

Who would have known?

This is the pain that I own.

Everyday, have I grown?

Leaves falling down

On the ground

Not around

Hear the sound

Of your voice

Made a choice

If you’ll stay

Anyway

Chorus:

And I dont know why,

Im in love with your smile.

And its been a while.

I dont know why I try.

And I miss you everyday

Even if you didnt stay

I’ll try to brave

As the leaves turn red.

The sky turns orange

Nothing is said

A simple gaze

Towards the tree

Shedding away

The heartbreak from summer

The happiness from spring

And bracing for the sadness of winter

But the air seems clean

The wind seems keen

The clouds are near

Is this love or fear?

Pitter patter, small droplets of rain

To remind me of your tears,

Of your pain.

And then I wake up,

From this deep

Sleep.

My darling

As the sunrise bleeds

The sunset needs

To be looked at

While I fall alongside the leaves

As she grieves

The warmth of the sun

This nightmare is done.

I just dream of you

My autumn day

My fall dreams

Free me from the shackles

That held my thoughts.

Prisoner to my own demise

Must be nice

To be unbothered

Must feel right

To not have to worry

Or deal with the feeling

That come attached

To each of my words

As I pray, kneeling

The layers, peeling

Unraveling the complexity

Of why I choose

To be lost in your eyes

As the thought of you dies

With each gaze

With each smile

Simple words

Turn into riddles

Gestures turn into false hope

As I free myself

Once more

Just to find that I will be

Imprisoned

Isolated

And away from

The calmness of your voice

Which no longer means anything

Except for its punishing noise

That locked me up

Threw away the key

Hoping