Letters to My ...

A small part of me knows it's all i have left and maybe i don't want to let you go even if it means poisoning my own soul. The truth is I miss you so much it hurts and ill keep hating you because im not ready to let you go. I'm not ready to erase you, forgive you, or become indifferent to you. 

I still think of you sometimes I think of the laughs shared The misunderstandings left unexplained The fights that broke us apart bit by bit The apologies never given The ways you decided to leave me over and over again I think of the years spent and opportunities given How many times I've mourned our friendship I think about all the friendships that keep us close yet carefully apart I don't know how to think about you without feeling a prickling pain in my heart I think about how hollow you left me and how alone you must feel now. I think about how prideful we both are, our similarities, our differences. The women we have become The flaws we both have to overcome I think about the ups, downs, and swirls we have gone around and memories that will soon become a bitter sweet nostalgia I think about you because I miss you like a lost sister because I will mourn you as one because I'm furious with you because I know there is no going back Maybe that's why I can't manage to delete you off of Instagram because your feed makes you feel close because maybe you'll need my help I'm not ready to let go buy I have to