Letters from Starr

When I'm high on love, everything is a present feeling; in the moment.

We're blown into a bubble of love where laughter and happiness bounce around in our floating atmosphere.

Nothing else matters here.

We're secluded and secure and that takes us even higher in the air,

So high and far above reality,

that we start looking down and remember our responsibilities.

As we slowly float back down to earth,

our bubbles are pulled far apart, blown in opposite directions into atmospheres of hurt.

But because the love is so real,

we still can somehow feel..the presence of one another within our own little bubble…and that's when the moment of falling in love begins.

The pressures of reality soon start to seep in, and pop my bubble, taking me into the deep end.

Even though I'm free falling back into reality by myself,

I hold onto the pieces of love, laughter and happiness that I have left…letting go of the stress and letting my memories do the rest..

Helping me regain my strength and a belief to fly.

Fly so high…that the love, laughter and happiness will re-unite me with the love of my life.

To trust someone is to love someone. Making the choice to open up parts your authentic self without having to question the other person about anything. To say, "I trust you," is like handing over a piece of your heart with the faith that they won't break it…Trust

With honesty, it's about making a similar choice, but this choice is backed with internal intent. With honesty, you have the choice to share what you want (whether it's the whole truth or not) based on how you feel and how you think the other person will first react and then second feel…and that's only if you think about considering how they'll feel..Honesty

The truth are the facts, that only those who experienced it really know. Because the truth is so anvetiablly wrapped in time, it grows into a memory that conjures up honesty within that person.

So the question is, will I ever really know the truth or keep having to hand over pieces of my heart as a token of trust?

My soul has been awakened by the pain

Like the snow fall gettin icy because of the rain

My sister, my friend…can no longer live with us again

My sister, my friend…can no longer live with us again

This makes life unreal and unbearable to feel

Growing numb to the pain making it hard to heal

My soul has been screamin, and battling these demons

I feel like the demon of death has been schemin

Plotting on the innocent and preying on the strong

All this "love" in the world, but everything feels wrong

I really don't know what's going on…anymore

All these things attacking my spirit making it hard to deplore

Deplore and exhale…everything making this life feel like hell

I can't take this pan, I want to let it go

Let it crash and burn into an ice mountain of snow

And that demon of death, they can go too

Cause it's just..another person, another soul I can't lose

The cancers the chemicals, it's all so pitiful

I want this to stop, I want it to end

Cause Im tired of walking through life like it's all pretend

The money, the greed…it's that spirit they feed

The wicked ones that leave in the heat of the night like thieves

But it's somethin about those 20s…the age, the year

It makes it scary times to be here

To be here, present and true

The pain somehow always seems new..

New, but like I knew

I knew it was coming, just too good to be true

But shit, what do we do?

Smoke some weed and plant a seed

Pray it grow in the mind, body, spirit, soul and that we'll somehow..get to live life more abundantly

The signs have been getting more clear🔍

White car, red bird

Twinkling starr, sharp nerve🔥

I want to act and move according to the signs

But move in the right way that'll keep me on my path to pursuing my purpose in divine time⏳

The leaves are fallin an the colors fadin🍂

Uncle Sam's been calling, but I been getting faded

Jaded, off the thoughts of what life should be like

And how I can stop working for the man that's white

But I really want to do it right. Thats why I come down to the Isle and write🖋

Set my thoughts free like the earth's breeze🌾

Watching the water flow and the birds fly

I remember that it's all in the signs🕊

The inevitable is sometimes unbelievable without faith; these full circle moments happen at the most lest expect times. Sarah J.R. said that, "Full circle moments happen when a version of you experiences something that transpired when a lesser version of you existed. When the divine version of who you are finishes what unbelief started.”

I've always believed that change comes in 4 or is somehow diluted with that number. But anyways, the biggest full circle moment I've experienced is about my love and my passion. And ironically, the circle of this moment started four years ago…

My Love 💜

I was able to embrace a love so genuine and pure that had grew over time. At that time, I became afraid to hold onto it; the more I embraced it and believed what it would continue to grow into, the farther I started to distance myself. Yeah, I focused on my passion more, but I started handling my love in toxic ways because it was no longer with the pure and genuine one🖤 Ever since I distanced myself, I've learned the hard way about real love..how and who I share it with.

The moment I decided to let go of letting non-genuine love take advantage of my genuine love, that's the moment where it became a full circle. I stopped tolerating 'letting my love be taken advantage of' and learn how to only let it flourish where it's genuinely embraced.

That's the beauty of full circle moments; once it's completed, I can actually look back on the experiences that shape me to be who I am now. This understanding is just one accomplishment of growth. An accomplishment to of growth that resonates in my soul to stay true. True to who I am and the purpose I'm meant to fulfill.

My Passion 💜

I've always loved and been passionate about style; the way an outfit is brought to life through individual creativity. I've always expressed my passion through the way I dress, but…four years ago I committed to taking my passion a step further by creating my brand. Long story short, I was just doing..creating a 'bunch of stuff' without having my purpose behind it. Over time I actually had to make time to learn more about myself and why I have this passion..everything I learned in the in-between time shaped me to be finally be prepared to create the right plans meant to secure longevity within my passion.

My Love & My Passion 💜

I learned to face my fears and learned how to remain true to embracing my genuine self. This has helped me create a clear sense of balance between my love and passion in a healthy way. Before I had fears that the two together was too good to be true and that somehow I was underserving. Having that mindset drove me through experiences that taught and showed me that I’ve always been deserving from the beginning…but, it was the mindset shift that needed to take place.

I am truly elevated and happy. Happy to feel like myself with genuine love embraced in my life. With this renewed mindset, I'm prepared to take everything for what it is all while embracing the genuine authenticity of my love and passion.

Lately I've been thinking about why I love and sometimes crave intimate intimacy. Is it a feeling, an idea, an action or all three? I believe I've found a new beauty that living within in: genuinely being able to embrace someone's authentic self while expressing my authentic self. From this type of intimate intimacy a connection is formed; that connection can lead anywhere, but it's then left to other people to decide where. That's what's been making my intimate intimacy with other so bittersweet: they can be okay with a few moments shared and that enough, but then I'm still present either wanting more or nothing at all. Even though I love experiencing the beauty of it, it's just soothing that's a little too complicated for me right now.

So then I ask myself, "How can I still experience this same beauty emitted from the intimate intimacy I love, but within just myself?" My answer is: genuinely expressing myself in a creative way. I need to experience the beauty if intimate intimacy within the woman I am now so that it will become second nature to the woman I'm becoming. Being able to embrace and express all of me while still having boundaries in place four a healthy balance with others is my goal. I will no longer crave or expect intimate intimacy from other before myself.

-Written 9.11.2020

The way I think and the way I speak has a way of flowing like poetry. The way I think and the way I speak is clearly understood by me.

It’s my mission, my purpose, my reason to help the world see and to help the world read the true beauty meant to come from within me.

My heart has been closed, suffocating like a dead rose. But once my mind was enlightened and my third eye’s view brightened, it began to open up like morning glories at sun-up.

My heart is being renewed and my mind is being refreshed. I keep listening to God, steady praying, staying blessed.

Dear God,

Please bring those that need to be closer to me closer. Please bring the people that need to love me closer. Please bring those that will protect me in all aspects closer.

Dear God,

Today I felt happier than usual. I think it’s because I did some of what I love. I noticed that I haven’t been doing anything that goes along with what I love, which is fashion.. I realized that I need to get back to breathing and living fashion. I pray that I stay on track this summer and burn the fire back into my passion.

I really pray that I get motivated and consistent with working out. I really want to be healthy again and I can see myself getting back healthy. I just pray that I stick to it.

Thank you for everything God. I love you so much, and I pray that you keep me and my loved ones on the right path that you have laid out for us.

Dear God, I really pray that you help me find my purpose in life again. I know I'm on the right path, but my vision isn't clear anymore. Please help me find my passions and what I want to do in life. I know there's so much that I want to do, but I don't know where to begin. I really need you. Please help.