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@lettersandroses
I feel it in my bones, inscribed inside of my way of loving, which means inside of who I am, which means, I could never have her closer. Distance is the word that was carved in my heart when I was born inside a star. Cursed. To love with distance, always something inbetween us.
-Distance.
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“I DON´T KNOW HOW TO KEEP THIS LOVE ALIVE.”
- Or “ How the fuck do I keep a love alive when it´s only wanted by me!? “ by Mariana Teles Fernandes
I think God is punishing me for my sins. She has placed every soul I´ve ever loved or could love, far away from me. My soul has run dry, I have no love left to give. And maybe, that´s why She did it. To make me realise I’m not supposed to give love away and be empty. “Give and receive. Honey, you’ve only given.!
Mariana Teles Fernandes
Every time I think about her (it), I want to rip out my throat. Dig it with my bare hands, witness the blood shed and the carnage. I want to make a mess out of this goodbye, out of this empty space. I want to make myself a spetacle just so maybe, just maybe, she´ll return to my arms again. I want to rip out my own throat and choke on my blood so that I´ll never have to think about her (it), again.
Mariana Teles Fernandes
I’m allowed to mourn this feeling.
- Gentle reminder
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So it looks like I have to write about it.
So it looks like your fingerprints ache all over my skin, ache all over where all that wanting used to be.
So it looks like I'm the only one left thinking about your hands.
- "She had strawberry hands. I still feel sticky. " by Mariana Teles Fernandes
Your loss is still clinging to my bones.
-"Good and Sweet" by Mariana Teles Fernandes
She is worth every day that she has not loved me.
““Acknowledge it. In order to move on you need to acknowledge it or it may as well eat you alive. Pushing it aside isn’t moving on. You need to let yourself hurt, ache, scream in pain. Punch the wall at 3 am and watch the blood fall from the bruises on your skin and realize you’re alive, yell at your neighbors for being annoyed by the noise, screw them for trying to stop you from reaching the peace you long for so badly. Eat pizza and ice-cream until your stomach grows sick and now you can focus on another pain other than the one on your chest. Isolate yourself from the world for as long as you need, drink, smoke, have nightmares. Allow yourself to be immersed on a pit of self pity because you deserve it. You deserve to feel pity for yourself because you were hurt and are still hurting. Immerse yourself so you can fix yourself. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Then rise from that pit and don’t look back. Start doing the things you’ve always wanted to do and don’t feel bad for focusing on the one person that was and will always matter the most, yourself. Acknowledge the pain but don’t let it get you down anymore for you are not the person you were 15 minutes ago, imagine 4 months ago. Allow your heart to look for somebody else because sometimes the only way is to find someone that truly deserves all you have to offer. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, it means letting go of something that no longer serves and deserves you. ””
— This how to move on (kind of) - Mariana Teles Fernandes
I'm allowed to mourn this feeling.
- Gentle reminder
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Do you think the soul hides in a corner of your body, from time to time, behaving like a child, covering its ears? "Do not call me. Do not call me." She begs. "I'm on time out."
–Mariana Teles Fernandes
It was an ache./ An ache right above my stomach./ It was like my organs wanted to burst out of my body./ Like they wanted to implode. / Because what was the point now that she wasn't tracing my skin with her fingertips. What was the point?/ It lasted for a long, long time and if I'm precise enough, I can still feel it in the space that hurt, if I think about it enough I can make the ache come back./ Because you can leave someone but the body remembers.
- "When they ask you what heartbreak feels like" Mariana Teles Fernandes
You still are one of my favourite writers and one of my best friends, but I'm sorry I've been to busy to talk. Keep on pursuing what you love, I wish you the very best in it ❤ With love, An old friend who misses your company.
Aaah my friend, thank you. I'll be here when you come back. I miss you, whoever you are ❤❤❤
I love her and rainy days. They make me feel blue.
- Mariana Teles Fernandes
” What makes you think I desire to be mended?
My heart is scattered around the world, with anyone and anything that has ever showed me kindness.
What makes you think I want my heart to be whole when it loves so much more when it is broken? ”
-Mariana Teles Fernandes
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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You emptied me of myself.
Mariana Teles Fernandes
Loving her felt like a competition against ghosts I didn´t know existed.
Oh just girls loving girls.