volta, ou vai embora, meu amor

big fan of the four-year-old on this flight who yelled "THEY ARE BRINGING COMPLEMENTARY BEVERAGES" when the flight attendants came down with the drinks cart

*sees the icon of a mutual I literally never talk to* oh look it’s my Friend

man half of my mutuals are named some shit like Snooble at this point im doing some poob as bullshit in my life

tumblr is such a black hole #myblackhole

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

one hundred and seventy dollars

i’ve invented a new microwave its called microwave 2. it randomly makes your food colder 9% of the time. don’t worry i’ve already entered your home and replaced your old microwave with it. im very good at technology

this is about google’s ai overview

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

in cow world, green onions are cigarettes

the trolley problem except the guy tied to one set of tracks is your friend and someone you trust and one of the few people in the world that you genuinely like and he's begging for his life and he's saying that you're murdering him and he's screaming and clawing and running like a wild animal. on the other set of tracks is every living thing on the planet. its a no brainer, obviously. but he will still scream. this happened to my good friend eva stratt

local legend says that a woman was hung in these woods. not anymore though she got a highly publicized penis reduction. it was in all the news and stuff. she spoke about it on oprah i think

if the pasta senses you're pure of heart you dont need a colander to strain it #pastawhisperer